Hilarious Missouri Jokes That Will Put You Out of Misery

Missouri is known for being a funny place with its own sense of humor. It might be small, but it is rich with history and fun facts. 

If you are looking for some light-hearted jokes to help you escape the misery of life, these hilarious Missouri jokes are sure to put a smile on your face.

Funny Missouri Jokes 

  • What did Delaware do if Mississippi lent Missouri its New Jersey?
    • I don’t know, Alaska.
  • What is it about Missouri that likes to be surrounded by other states?
    • Because Missouri loves company!
  • Is there a difference between a University of Central Missouri sorority sister and a scarecrow? 
    • One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.
  • What do you call a good looking girl at the University of Central Missouri? 
    • A visitor.
  • The Missouri regents decided to cover Faurot Field in cardboard for what reason? 
    • Because the Tigers always look better on paper.
  • Is there a reason why Missouri State students have such beautiful noses? 
    • They’re hand picked.
  • In Missouri, how many police officers does it take to change a light bulb?
    • None. They just shoot the room for being black.
  • What do you call the new policing strategy of communities like Ferguson, Missouri?
    • A shot in the dark.
  • In St. Louis, why are people always sad?
    • They live in a constant state of Missouri.
  • Have you heard about the nudist who never left Missouri?
    • He was always in his show me state.
  • What were the reasons for Missouri and Maine being admitted at the same time?
    • Because Missouri loves company.
  • What did the Lake of the Ozarks tell the shore?
    • Nothing, it waved.
  • Is there a place where fish keep their money?
    • In the riverbanks of the Missouri River.
  • Have you heard the joke about Saint Francois Mountains?
    • You won’t get over it.
  •  How do you keep Mizzou fans away from your city?
    • Host the Final Four.
  • What made the Mizzou football players call social services?
    • They are constantly being beaten by an old man.
  • What are the differences between yogurt and Columbia, Missouri?
    • Yogurt has an active living culture.

Funny Jokes You Should Read: Boston Jokes, Florida Jokes, Canada Jokes

Funny Missouri One-Liners

  • Missouri:
    • Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work.
  • Sometimes we all feel like this:
    • Put me out of my Missouri.
  • You can experience all four seasons in one day in Missouri!
  • You should love yourself like people from Missouri love quicktrip. 

Hilarious Missouri Puns and Stories

  • Missouri is said to be having some great Black Friday sales this year…
    • 100% off everything.
  • Karen and I visited a place where you can see three states at once: Oklahoma, Kansas and Missouri.
    • Karen opened up that she was actually in a fourth state: crippling depression.
    • I said, “I’m so sorry” “…but you can’t count Missouri twice.”
  • I’m going to Missouri to do my Christmas shopping.
    • I hear the deals are so hot the stores are practically on fire!
  • Teacher asks, ‘What’s the capital of Missouri?’
    • Student answers, ‘The M.’
  • Interviewer: What city were you born in?
    • Man: Missouri.
    • Interviewer: What state are you in now?
    • Man: Apathy.
    • Interviewer: That’s not what I meant.
    • Man: I don’t care.
  • A Red Cross representative knocked on the door of an elderly Bostonian and asked if he could contribute to flood relief efforts in Missouri.
    • He replied he’d love to, but his garden hose only reaches to the end of the driveway.
  • As of last year, I began taking fish out of Kansas City and bringing them into Kansas. The local vegans and fishermen were furious with me.
    • I said, “What, I’m just putting them out of their Missouri”
  • Are you born stupid?
    • Or are you a University of Kansas graduate? 
  • Happy Valentine’s Day!
    • My Love for you is as deep as a Kansas City pothole. 
  • We should have a zoo of drunk white people doing stupid things. 
    • It’s called Missouri.

Missouri is one of the most interesting states in the country. It has a culture all its own which makes it an ideal place to live. I hope these jokes put you out of misery.

Check out this fun collection of jokes, quotes, and songs. They’ll brighten your day. Some of them are listed below. 

Take a look at these 15 towns in Missouri that have the strangest names you’ve ever heard.

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About the author

Megha Sharma

Megha is the heart of funnyjokestoday.com - When waking up in the morning, her first thought always is how to create a smile on someone's face before breakfast. Her passion are jokes for the youngest and about animals.

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