Hilarious Missouri Jokes That Will Put You Out of Misery

Missouri is known for being a funny place with its own sense of humor. It might be small, but it is rich with history and fun facts. 

If you are looking for some light-hearted jokes to help you escape the misery of life, these hilarious Missouri jokes are sure to put a smile on your face.

Funny Missouri Jokes 

• What did Delaware do if Mississippi lent Missouri its New Jersey?
  • I don’t know, Alaska.

• What is it about Missouri that likes to be surrounded by other states?
  • Because Missouri loves company!

• Is there a difference between a University of Central Missouri sorority sister and a scarecrow? 
  • One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.

• What do you call a good looking girl at the University of Central Missouri? 
  • A visitor.

• The Missouri regents decided to cover Faurot Field in cardboard for what reason? 
  • Because the Tigers always look better on paper.

• Is there a reason why Missouri State students have such beautiful noses? 
  • They’re hand picked.

• In Missouri, how many police officers does it take to change a light bulb?
  • None. They just shoot the room for being black.

• What do you call the new policing strategy of communities like Ferguson, Missouri?
  • A shot in the dark.

• In St. Louis, why are people always sad?
  • They live in a constant state of Missouri.

• Have you heard about the nudist who never left Missouri?
  • He was always in his show me state.

• What were the reasons for Missouri and Maine being admitted at the same time?
  • Because Missouri loves company.

• What did the Lake of the Ozarks tell the shore?
  • Nothing, it waved.

• Is there a place where fish keep their money?
  • In the riverbanks of the Missouri River.

• Have you heard the joke about Saint Francois Mountains?
  • You won’t get over it.

•  How do you keep Mizzou fans away from your city?
  • Host the Final Four.

• What made the Mizzou football players call social services?
  • They are constantly being beaten by an old man.

• What are the differences between yogurt and Columbia, Missouri?
  • Yogurt has an active living culture.

Funny Jokes You Should Read: Boston Jokes, Florida Jokes, Canada Jokes

Funny Missouri One-Liners

• Missouri:
  • Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work.

• Sometimes we all feel like this:
  • Put me out of my Missouri.

• You can experience all four seasons in one day in Missouri!

• You should love yourself like people from Missouri love quicktrip. 

Hilarious Missouri Puns and Stories

• Missouri is said to be having some great Black Friday sales this year…
  • 100% off everything.

• Karen and I visited a place where you can see three states at once: Oklahoma, Kansas and Missouri.
  • Karen opened up that she was actually in a fourth state: crippling depression.
  • I said, “I’m so sorry” “…but you can’t count Missouri twice.”

• I’m going to Missouri to do my Christmas shopping.
  • I hear the deals are so hot the stores are practically on fire!

• Teacher asks, ‘What’s the capital of Missouri?’
  • Student answers, ‘The M.’

• Interviewer: What city were you born in?
  • Man: Missouri.
  • Interviewer: What state are you in now?
  • Man: Apathy.
  • Interviewer: That’s not what I meant.
  • Man: I don’t care.

• A Red Cross representative knocked on the door of an elderly Bostonian and asked if he could contribute to flood relief efforts in Missouri.
  • He replied he’d love to, but his garden hose only reaches to the end of the driveway.

• As of last year, I began taking fish out of Kansas City and bringing them into Kansas. The local vegans and fishermen were furious with me.
  • I said, “What, I’m just putting them out of their Missouri”

• Are you born stupid?
  • Or are you a University of Kansas graduate? 

• Happy Valentine’s Day!
  • My Love for you is as deep as a Kansas City pothole. 

• We should have a zoo of drunk white people doing stupid things. 
  • It’s called Missouri.

Missouri is one of the most interesting states in the country. It has a culture all its own which makes it an ideal place to live. I hope these jokes put you out of misery.

Check out this fun collection of jokes, quotes, and songs. They’ll brighten your day. Some of them are listed below. 

• Timeless Yoda Quotes Will Help You Discover Your Inner Power
• America Songs That Are Sure to Make You Proud
• Sleep Jokes: Laugh-Out-Loud Laughs to Keep You Awake Tonight
• Best Riddles for Kids That Are Fun to Tell but Also Educational

Take a look at these 15 towns in Missouri that have the strangest names you’ve ever heard.