Boston Jokes You’ve Never Heard Before That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud

The city of Boston gets picked on for many things from the Patriots to Tom Brady to the fact that everyone calls it “Beantown”. Below are the best Boston jokes to give you an opportunity to enjoy some jokes you probably haven’t heard before.

If you are from Boston, even if you love it, you may often find yourself saying “there are a lot of jokes about Boston people”. True, Boston is a great place, but it’s also a unique place – and that’s what makes it a great place to live! 

Hilarious Boston Jokes

  • What causes ducks to fly upside down over Boston? 
    • There’s nothing worth craping on! 
  • What is the difference between a person from Boston and a newborn? 
    • The baby will stop whining after awhile.
  • Boston only has two seasons. What are they? 
    • Winter and Construction.
  • In Boston, how do people vote? 
    • Early and often!
  • In Boston, what do you call a hot chick?
    • A tourist.
  • In Boston, what do you call an evil genius?
    • Wicked smaht.
  • Is there a difference between Hitler and the Boston marathon bomber?
    • The bomber actually stopped a race.
  • Massachusites who cut down trees are called what?
    • In a New England accent, A Boston lager.
  • Why can’t the Maple Leafs drink tea?
    • Because Boston has all the cups!
  • What is the purpose of the blue lights on Boston police cars?
    • Because Boston drivers don’t stop for red lights.
  • What has five arms, three legs, and two feet? 
    • The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
  • Have you heard about the Boston marathon? 
    • Because well I heard it was a blast and that it blew everyone away
  • What makes sharks swim in saltwater?
    • Because if they swam in pepperwater, they would sneeze too much!
  • What does a cab driver in Boston and a tourist in the capital of Bangladesh have in common?
    • They’re both in Dhaka.
  • What should be the slogan of Massachusetts? 
    • Welcome to Massachusetts, Where the weather’s made up and the seasons don’t matter. 
  • You need Sam and Dean, but you’re from Boston?
    • Winchashta.

City Jokes to Laugh At: Chicago Jokes, Miami Jokes, New York Jokes

Funny Boston Puns and Stories

  • I received a verified threat against my Boston cream pie,
    • So I had it placed in protective custardy.
  • In Boston, I told my friend that I was autistic.
    • He said “so can you drawr me a Pictsha?
  • Khakis
    • In many places, losing your khakis means losing your pants. Lose your khakis, and you won’t be able to drive in Boston.
  • When a 5th grader from Alabama and a 5th grader from Boston got into a fight, who won?
    • 5th grader from Alabama, because he’s 18 yrs old.
  • Einstein is on his way out of New York by train.
    • He leans over to another passenger and asks, “Excuse me, do you know if Boston stops at this train?”
  • My boston terrier loves chewing on a giant dog plushie.
    • I guess it’s a dog-eat-dog world.
  • What made the Boston Tea Party illegal?
    • It was destruction of Private Proper Tea!
  • “Nice little town — so quaint and old. Surely there are quite a few odd characters around here, right?”
    • “Oh yes, quite a few. You see ’em around. But they’re mostly gone after Labor Day.”
  • Man A: Where are you from? 
    • Man B: Massachusetts
    • Man A: What part? 
    • Man B: Sturbridge
    • Man A: Where’s that? 
    • Man B: Near Worcester, Amherst, Springfield, on the Connecticut border
    • Man A: Huh? 
    • Man B: Boston. My hometown is Boston. In a Dunkin Donuts located on Mayflower Blvd. 
  • Worst Boston Nightmare
    • I woke up, half the dunkies were closed, they cancelled St. Pat’s, and Tom *fakin* Brady was gone.  

Wacky Boston One-Liners

  • Welcoming you to Massachusetts,
    • every half mile you will see a Dunkin Donuts drive-through. 
  • Welcome to Boston,
    • where we put up a huge gas station sign where there are no gas stations. 
  • Fact:
    • Boston is no longer an hour from Boston. 

Quotes about Boston

  • “Boston is so laced with jerseys that you can be dressed head to toe in team apparel and no one will look twice.”
    • – David Walton
  • “We say the cows laid out in Boston. Well, there are worse surveyors.”
    • – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Some Inspiring Quotes: Obama Quotes, Messi Quotes, Ronaldo Quotes, Madonna Quotes

Both Boston natives and non-native Bostonians can enjoy these jokes because all of them are completely unique, original, and hilarious. Do you agree? Yes! Share with us your favorite jokes in the comments section below. 

Take a look at these funny Boston terrier dogs that’ll make you forget your tiredness.

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