Miami Jokes That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud Despite the Heat

Miami is a city that has a reputation for doing things differently than the rest of the country. The city has a unique culture and a unique sense of humor. 

Many of us know the city of Miami for its beautiful white beaches, great weather, and rich Latin American heritage, but did you know that Miami is really funny too? 

If you plan to move to Miami, or if you are just visiting, then these Miami jokes will make you laugh and love the city.

Funny Miami Jokes

  • Where did Miami International Airport go?
    • It went MIA.
  • Is there any difference between a jet engine and my wife?
    • The jet engine stops whining when it gets to Miami.
  • Have you heard about that giant cooling device in Florida?
    • It was a Miami Heat fan.
  • What is the favorite wine of a Jewish girl?
    • “I want to go to Miami!”
  • Do fans of Florida State, Florida University, and University of Miami have anything in common?
    • None attended the University of Miami.
  • How would you describe the three superstars who will play together for the Miami Heat next season?
    • The Three Mi-Egos.
  • How is the Miami Heat different from a dollar bill?
    • You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
  • Do the Miami Heat and nails have anything in common?
    • They are both good till they hit the wood.
  • Is there any difference between the Miami Heat and a pinball machine?
    • You can score more points against the Heat.
  • What does Matthew McConaughey wear in Miami when he’s on vacation?
    • All white, all white, all white!
  • Where does the sweet potato like to vacation?
    • Miami.
  • Have you seen the movie about Miami football in the 1980s?
    • It’s called Con Air.

Related Jokes: Florida Jokes, America Songs, Canada Jokes, New York Jokes

Humorous Miami Puns & Stories

  • As I got on a plane today, I told the ticket lady, “Send one of my bags to New York, send another to Los Angeles, and send another to Miami.”
    • She said, “We can’t do that!” I replied, “You did it last week!”
  • When Santa is visiting Miami, Florida
    • I suggest he doesn’t reach into his bag too quickly.
  • If someone wears a cap, cargo shorts, boat shoes, and a shirt that says the captain
    • I immediately assume they’re from Margaritaville.
  • Miami traffic is terrible.
    • By the time you reach the hospital, a newborn will be in the stage of toddlerhood.
  • The I-95 would be constructed in all 3 of Back to the Future’s parts…
    • if it were set in Miami.
  • “Where’s the big storm going?” asks the boy to his father.
    • The father replies, “Miami.”
    • The boy asks, “Is your Ami going to be okay?”
  • Hotline Miami is something I would like to recreate.
    • However, I would fall in a sinkhole.
  • Head writer Pete suggests to Liz taking the show to Miami for a week:
    • “Think about it, Liz: Florida! I can rent a convertible for a week. You can complain about the heat with elderly people.”
  • Considering Elon Musk’s record with these mega-projects, the proposed new Miami-tunnel gives new meaning to the term
    • “car-pool tunnel syndrome.”
  • As I pull into my Miami house, my wife tells me that a hurricane is approaching.
    • I don’t know about you, but I’d like Irma to get out of here!
  • Once, I thought I saw a bear in Miami,
    • but it was just a palmetto bug fist fighting a grown man on two legs.
  • What would I do with all my Ed Hardy clothes if Florida didn’t exist?
    • Where else can I wear a bedazzled, tiger head muscle-shirt and have people assume I like bottom-shelf liquor and house music but Miami?

Quotes About Miami 

  • “In L.A. you can hide. I can hide at the beach, hide up in the hills. In Miami everybody is looking at you.”
    • – Jamie Foxx
  • “In New York I’m a six, but in Miami, I was like a negative three”
    • – Amy Schumer
  • “Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.”
    • – Lenny Bruce
  • “Miami drivers will attempt to pass you inside a car wash.”
    • – Dave Barry

Check Out These Inspirational Quotes: Star Wars Quotes, Madonna Quotes, Ronaldo Quotes, Messi Quotes

Crazy Miami One-Liners

  • The rich neighborhoods of Miami don’t feel safe to me since that’s where all the plugs are.
  • Those who use their turn signals the most in Miami have so much class they flip the switch with their fingers up. 
  • Miami cold fronts are best known for the money you find in your jacket pockets from years ago.
  • The trust between roommates in Miami is real, because if one of you does not pay the rent, you are both homeless. 
  • Miami Beach long walks can quickly turn into a business deal about who can flip this brick the fastest.

Remember, everyone needs a laugh once in a while. Even the most serious of people, after a trying time, need to take a break and laugh at something. I hope these hilarious jokes liven up your Miami trip and make you laugh along the way. 

It’s no secret that every city has its own unique brand of weird, and Miami is no different. Check out these 9 weird things that you can see in Miami.

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