Turning 70 Jokes That Both Seniors and Adults Would Laugh At… Even Kids!

For a long time, senior citizens have been known to be some of the funniest people around. They have a different outlook on life and some of their jokes are something you would have to get older to understand. 

This blog is a compilation of turning 70 jokes from across the country. Not only will you get a good laugh, but you will also be able to get a good laugh at yourself for not understanding it at first.

Funny Turning 70 Jokes & Stories

  • As you turn 70, you deserve respect.
    • Too bad life isn’t fair.
  • A man gave his wife a coffin for her 70th birthday.
    • When she turns 71, she asks, “Why haven’t you given me a gift?”
    • And the man replies, “but you haven’t used the one I gave you last year.”
  • Senior Citizen Texting Code:
    • ATD – At The Doctors
    • BTW – Bring the Wheelchair
    • BYOT – Bring Your Own Teeth
  • A student of the zen master gave him a large box with a ribbon around it for his 70th birthday.
    • The master found nothing inside the box when he opened it.
    • “Exactly what I wanted,” he exclaimed.
  • Three women share a birthday and celebrate it together.
    • They go to Lakeview restaurant for their 40th birthday because the waiters are cute and wear tight pants.
    • For their 50th birthdays, they go to Lakeview restaurant because the prices are reasonable and the wine list is good.
    • Their 60th birthday will be spent at the Lakeview restaurant because it’s quiet and offers a nice view.
    • They celebrate their 70th birthday at the Lakeview restaurant because it is wheelchair accessible.
    • They go to the Lakeview restaurant for their 80th birthday because they have never been there.
  • As a result of preparing her will, the elderly woman informed her preacher of two final requests. 
    • Firstly, she wanted to be cremated, and secondly, Wal-Mart was to be her final resting place.
    • ‘Wal-Mart?’ the preacher exclaimed.  “Why Wal-Mart?”
    • These days, about half the stuff in my shopping cart says: “For fast relief.”
  • A few days ago, I quietly told my best friend that I was having an affair.
    • I turned to her and asked, “Are you getting a caterer?”
    • And that, my friend, is the sad definition of ‘OLD’!  
  • When you reach your seventies, you start getting congratulated again for not having to wear diapers.
    • “You did it, you made it to the bathroom!” they say.
  • At 70, you become more appreciative of “the big things in life.”
    • For example, large print crossword puzzles.
  • Three things happen to you as you age: 
    • Your memory goes bad.
    • I forgot what 2 is.
    • What was I doing? 
  • Do you know how to prevent sagging?
    • Simply eat until wrinkles disappear.
  • An archaeologist is the perfect husband for a woman.
    • The older she gets, the more interested he becomes in her.
  • In your 70’s, if you are looked down upon by your kids and grandkids, that is your fault.
    • You encouraged them to consume vegetables and milk.
  • 70 is the new
    • What was I saying?
  • The older you get.
    • The better you get.
    • Except if you’re a banana.

Crazy Turning 70 Old-Liners

  • Turning 70 is like turning 21 in celsius.
  • Considering that I look 30, feel 22, and act 18, that makes me 70.
  • Do not lose hope if your youth seems to have escaped you at the age of 70,
    • you can’t expect to keep up with all your grandchildren!
  • Warning: 70 and cranky!
  • Birthdays aren’t as fun when you’re older,
    • but fortunately there aren’t too many more to come.
  • When the candles cost more than the cake,
    • you’re old.
  • We’re one year closer to being back in diapers.
  • There are some benefits to growing older.
    • Just call it a “senior moment” and you’ll get away with pretty much anything!
  • Age is not important unless you’re a cheese.
  • I hope that your birthday is as enjoyable as you are,
    • but that is a high standard.
  • In spite of all the advances in medicine,
    • there is still no cure for the common 70th birthday.
  • As you reach 70, your mind outruns your body.
  • I will never make the mistake of being 70 again.
  • My age is 69.96 plus taxes, not 70!
  • Smokey bear celebrated his 70th birthday recently.
    • Smokey says he now extinguishes fires by waking up seven times at night and peeing on them.
  • Being 70 means two things:
    • you’ve survived the ’60s and you’ve survived your 60s.

Quotes About Turning 70

  • “Being this awesome took 70 years of practice.”
    • -Unknown
  • “In youth we run into difficulties, in old age difficulties run into us.”
    • -Josh Billings
  • “I don’t know why people are so obsessed with age anyway. I mean, 90 is the new 70; 70 is the new 50 and 50 is the new 40; so the whole act-your-age thing? Only up to a point.”
    • -Joan Collins
  •  “And remember, age gets better with wine.”
    • -Unknown

Why do people live to be 70? To be 70 is to live a life that is filled with adventure, learning, and love. Turning 70 is a milestone that should be celebrated!

I hope these jokes made you laugh and reminded you of how much fun it is to live. The following are jokes that adults will certainly enjoy as well! Remember, laughing makes you look younger.

Check out these pictures to see how wrong you are if you think fashion is a young man’s game.

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