Perfect Statistics Jokes to Crack in Class

Statistics is a field of study that deals with collecting, analyzing, interpreting and presenting data.

Statistics is needed in many fields of study but can sometimes be intimidating due to the jargon used.

Statistics jokes can be of great help if you want to keep your spirits up in a dull class. We have decided to put together a list of statistics jokes that are sure to make you laugh and keep you entertained in class.

Funny Statistics Jokes

  • When someone tells a bad joke, what do statisticians call it?
    • A data fail!
  • Is there a reason why the statistician brought a ladder to the bar?
    • Because they heard the drinks were on the house!
  • What do statisticians do to stay calm?
    • They use Bayesian relaxation techniques!
  • Is there a reason why statisticians always carry pencils behind their ears?
    • In case they needed to draw a random sample!
  • Can you tell me what kind of dance a statistician likes best?
    • The Chi-Square!
  • In the meeting, why did the statistician bring a clock?
    • Because they wanted to “watch” the time series!
  • Did you hear the latest statistics joke?
    • Probably.
  • What caused the statistician to drown?
    • Because he was in Denial!
  • What made the chicken cross the road?
    • To get to the other side of the confidence interval!
  • What is the number of statisticians needed to change a light bulb?
    • That depends. It is really a matter of power.
  • The statistician went to jail for what reason?
    • Because he knew too much about pi!
  • Have you heard about the statistician who was jailed?
    • He now has zero degrees of freedom.
  • What makes open source statistical programming languages the best?
    • Because they R.
  • How did the statistician become a statistician?
    • He found accountancy too exciting.
  • Have you heard about the statistics jokes that went horribly wrong?
    • Even the undergrads could understand it!!
  • Is there a reason why two medians appear in the same data set?
    • Because it’s a co-median.
  • Is there a difference between the stock market and statistics?
    • Some people do get statistics.
  • Did you hear about the statistician who attempted the distribution of joints but was arrested by the police?
  • Is there someone who can explain how statistics work?
    • Mathematician: by all means.
  • Is there a politician who supports statistical sciences the most?
    • Putin. He really loves the Poisson distribution.
  • Do you hear about the statistician who drowned in a lake averaging only 2 inches in depth?
  • If you cross an elephant with a grape, what do you get?
    • Elephant grape cosine theta.

School-Related Jokes That Will Make You Laugh: Spelling Jokes, Library Jokes, Science Jokes

Hilarious Statistics One Liners and Stories

  • Statistics is the art of never having to say you’re wrong.
  • I have a statistics joke, but it’s not significant. 
  • You are so mean that your standard deviation is zero. 
  • Today, I studied some statistics about how drunk people walk.
    • They’re just staggering.
  • In order to feel like I wasn’t just a statistic, I sought psychological help.
    • She diagnosed me with multiple personality disorder.
    • Now I feel like a distribution.
  • My friend asked a statistician for her phone number, and she gave her an estimate.
  • As far as my statistical abilities go, they are mediocre at best
    • and average at worst.
  • 80% of all statistics quoted to prove a point are made up on the spot.
  • There are a lot of statistics I don’t understand, such as mean, mode, and median.
    • Is that normal?
  • A statistician can have his head in an oven and his feet in ice, and he will say that on the average he feels fine.
  • Variance is what any two statisticians are at.
  • A politician uses statistics as a drunk uses a lamp post – for support rather than illumination.
  • A statistics student accelerated before crossing every intersection.
    • His passenger finally asked, “What’s with you going so fast through intersection?”
    • The student replied, “Statistically speaking, it’s far more likely you’ll get into an accident at an intersection, so I avoid it there.”
  • As a result, I regret calling my statistics professor average.
    • I really didn’t mean it.
  • A statistician is a person who draws a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted assumption to a foregone conclusion.
  • In the doctor’s office, a statistician is on duty.
    • The doctor says, “It looks like you have type I diabetes.”
    • The statistician replies, “Well, that’s a relief. I thought I had diabetes.”
  • Birthdays are good for health.
    • Statistics has proved that those who had more, lived longer.
  • The wife of a statistician became a mother of twins.
    • He was delighted.
    • He rang the minister who was also delighted.
    • “You can bring them to church on Sunday and we can baptize them,” said the minister.
    • “No,” replied the statistician. “Baptize one. We’ll keep the other as a control.”
  • Statistician — someone who insists that uncertainty cannot be avoided.
  • Anne: Previously, I believed correlation implied causation. Then I took a statistics class. Now I don’t.
    • Bea: It sounds like the class was helpful.
    • Anne: Well, maybe.
  • A statistician once asked me out.
    • She failed to reject me.
  • Physicists, biologists, and statisticians observe two people entering a house, followed by three people leaving.
    • The physicist concludes, “My initial observation must have been incorrect.”
    • The biologist concludes, “Clearly, the two reproduced…”
    • The statistician concludes, “Well, if one more person enters the house, then there will be no-one in the house!”
  • The statistics are similar to a bikini.
    • What is revealed is interesting; what is concealed is crucial.
  • A statistician is a person whose lifetime ambition is to be wrong 5% of the time.
  • According to statistics, 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea.
    • Does that mean 1 enjoys it?
  • A physicist, an engineer and a statistician are hunting.
    • After seeing a bear, the physicist calculates ballistics, raises the rifle, shoots, and misses 5 feet to the left.
    • The engineer says “You idiot, you forgot to account for the wind! Give me that!”
    • He guesses at the wind speed, fires and misses 5 feet to the right.
    • The statistician claps his hands and yells “We got him!!”
  • A lottery is a tax on people who don’t understand statistics.
  • Researchers at Institute of Incomplete Statistics inform that…
    • 9 in every 100 people.
  • Don’t get married.
    • It’ll only end in divorce.
    • Statistics don’t lie.
    • 100% of divorces started with marriage.
    • Can’t say I didn’t warn you.
  • According to statistics, active people are less likely to become possessed by demons than sedentary people.
    • This is one of the benefits of exorcising regularly.
  • Anne: We have all 30 sheep ready, farmer!
    • Bea: But I only count 26.
    • Anne: I know, I rounded them up. 
  • They call me Pi.
    • It’s because I’m irrational and don’t know when to stop. 
  • My studies will include algebra, trigonometry, and statistics.
    • However, graphing is where I draw the line!
  • Statisticians should be at the Collaboration Table. Whether they’re invited or not.”
    • – LeAnna Stork.

The Laughing Statistician Quiz

Author’s Note

Statistics jokes are a fun way to appreciate the world of numbers and probabilities, making even the most intricate concepts approachable and amusing. So, whether you’re a statistician or simply someone who enjoys a good laugh, these jokes serve as a reminder that laughter is a universal language, even in the world of data and statistics.

Take a look at these interesting fun facts about statistics that will make you fall in love with the subject even more.

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