New Year’s Eve Jokes That Will Have You Laughing All Year Long

The year is 2023. The year of great resolutions, the start of major changes, and the end of life as we know it. But before we get carried away with any of that, let’s remember that it’s a new year, and that means new jokes to tell.

Fun Fact: New Year’s Eve is the funniest night of the year. And that means that you need a funny New Year’s Eve joke to send to your friends.

Here are some jokes you should not miss and will have you laughing well into 2023.

Humorous New Year’s Eve Jokes

  • On New Year’s Day, what do you call always wanting to start a new diet?
    • “Re-solutions”!
  • On New Year’s Eve, why was the math book sad?
    • Because it had too many problems!
  • What’s the favorite holiday of a cow?
    • Moo Year’s Eve!
  • How do you refer to a ghost’s resolutions for the New Year?
    • To be less boo-ring!
  • Can you tell me why the music teacher wasn’t invited to the New Year’s Eve party?
    • Because he always broke a “chord”!
  • On New Year’s Eve, what do farmers give their wives?
    • Hogs and kisses.
  • On New Year’s Eve, where can you practice math?
    • Times square. 
  • On New Year’s Eve, why do you need a jeweler?
    • To ring in the New Year.
  • On New Year’s Eve, what do snowmen like to do?
    • Chill out.
  • On New Year’s, what’s the one type of pain you enjoy?
    • Cham-pain!
  • On New Year’s Eve, what should you never eat?
    • Firecrackers.
  • On New Year’s Eve, what did the kids say about the fireworks?
    • They were a blast.
  • On New Year’s Eve, what do dogs say?
    • Woof.

If you have a special occasion coming up, you will enjoy these jokes: Birthday Jokes, Christmas Jokes, Thanksgiving Jokes

Funny New Year’s Eve One-Liners and Stories

  • What is a New Year’s resolution?
    • The kind of thing that goes in and out every year.
  • What’s wrong with jogging on New Year’s Eve?
    • The ice falls out of your drinks!
  • What’s the favorite holiday of a cow?
    • Moo Year’s Day!
  • Can you tell me what happened to the man who stole a calendar on New Year’s Eve?
    • He got 12 months!
  • On New Year’s Eve, why should you sprinkle sugar on your pillow?
    • To start the year with sweet dreams.
  • How do New Year’s parades and Santa Claus relate?
    • No one is ever awake to see them.
  • Which holiday is corn’s favorite?
    • New Ears Eve.
  • What does a ghost say on December 31?
    • “Happy Boo Year!”
  • On New Year’s Eve, what do you tell someone you didn’t see?
    • I haven’t seen you since last year!
  • Is there a new year’s resolution that no basketball player should ever make?
    • To travel more.
  • Is there a place where herbs celebrate New Year’s?
    • Thyme’s Square.
  • At the ball-drop party, what do you say to Stephen?
    • New Year’s Steve!
  • Can you tell us what the optometrist’s favorite New Year’s celebration was?
    • 2020.
  • Have you heard about the guy who made breakfast at midnight on December 31?
    • He wanted to make a New Year’s toast!
  • On December 31, Adam said what to Eve?
    • It’s New Year’s, Eve!
  • What causes birds to fly south on New Year’s Eve?
    • It’s too far to walk.
  • NYE’s arrest of an iPhone and a firework: what happened?
    • One was charged and the other was let off.
  • When it comes to the countdown to New Year’s Eve, why should you stand on your left foot?
    • So you can start the New Year on the right foot.
  • Does anyone get the most excited about the New Year’s Eve countdown?
    • Calendar companies.
  • Why did 2021 go by in a blur?
    • I must have set my resolution too low.
  • At 11:59 on New Year’s Eve, what did Dad say?
    • I promise not to make any bad jokes for the rest of the year.
  • In the New Year, I want to be more optimistic by keeping my glass half-full…
    • with either rum, vodka or whiskey.
  • Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve.
    • When you reach middle age, you’re forced to do so.
  • I made a New Year’s resolution to quit my bad habits,
    • but no one likes a quitter.
  • This New Year’s, try not to make any pour decisions.
  • On New Year’s Eve, I thought I got lost, but then I found the Auld Lang sign.
  • I’m going to stay up late this New Year’s Eve—not to ring in the New Year…
    • but so I can make sure this one leaves.
  • Not to brag, but I already have a date for New Year’s Eve—it’s December 31.
  • Knock, knock!
    • Who’s there?
    • Joe King.
    • Joe King who?
    • Joking like this on New Year’s Eve?
  • I decided to set a resolution of 1080p for the New Year.
  • I hope all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions.
  • There are many things that can be preserved in alcohol this New Years Eve.
    • DIGNITY is not one of them.
  • My New Years Resolution is to break my New Years Resolutions.
    • It is a way for me to succeed!
  • New Year’s Eve forecast:
    • Drinking heavily with a slight chance of fainting.
  • My wife still hasn’t told me what my New Year’s resolutions are.
  •  New Year?
    • I just got used to this last one!
  • My New Year’s resolution is to be less awesome, since that’s the only thing I do too much of. 

The Great New Year’s Eve Quiz

Author’s Note

New Year’s Eve jokes are the perfect way to add humor and merriment to your celebration as you bid farewell to the old year and welcome the new one. Laughter is a universal language that unites people in joy, and these jokes are a lighthearted way to share the spirit of the holiday with friends and family.

Let’s laugh our way into the new year and make it a memorable and fun-filled occasion!

Here are 20 ways to make this year a joyful one filled with positivity, fun, good people, and good vibes.

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About the author

Megha Sharma

Megha is the heart of - When waking up in the morning, her first thought always is how to create a smile on someone's face before breakfast. Her passion are jokes for the youngest and about animals.

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