Insurance Jokes That Will Give You a Premium Kind of Laugh

There is no question that the insurance industry has become more necessary than luxurious over the past few years. 

Since insurance is a serious subject, you shouldn’t be surprised that the jokes are equally dry. But that doesn’t mean that they aren’t worth a few laughs; after all, laughter is the best medicine.

So next time you need to get your colleagues in a good mood, whip out a quick insurance jokes and watch them roar with laughter.

Hilarious Insurance Jokes

  • In terms of selling to a ghoul, what can be the most difficult?
    • Life insurance!
  • Fleetwood Mac got insurance for what?
    • They got it for landslides.
  • Transformers need what kind of insurance?
    • Life insurance and car insurance.
  • Can you tell me what kind of chocolate insurance agents love?
    • They love premium chocolates.
  • After describing his policy, what did the life insurance salesman say to the woman?
    • “Call me tomorrow if you wake up!”
  • What’s the difference between a whole life policy and a man’s policy?
    • A whole life policy eventually matures.
  • When you turn 65, what’s the best thing about it?
    • No more calls from life insurance agents.
  • What is the connection between an insurance policy and a woman?
    • They are both expensive, difficult to understand and what you get is not guaranteed.
  • Is there a reason why the insurance agency denied the high wire artist insurance?
    • Because of her outstanding balance.
  • What is the difference between an accountant and an actuary?
    • An actuary looks at his shoes when he talks to you. An accountant looks at your shoes.
  • Do hospital gowns and insurance policies have anything in common?
    • You’re never covered as much as you think you are.
  • What did the man reply when the insurance salesman asked, “Sir, you said you were born in the USA. Which part?”
    • “My entire body, my man,” the man replied.
  • Halloween monsters need what kind of health insurance?
    • They need medi-scare.
  • Salmon don’t need health insurance, so why don’t they?
    • That’s because they all get cured for free.
  • What was the name chosen by two insurance agents for their son?
    • Justin Case. 
  • Where would the founding fathers of America sign important documents if they were life insurance agents?
    • The declarations page.
  • Life insurance was sold to explosive manufacturers by the agent for what reason?
    • Because it was a booming business. 
  • To the insurance agent, what did the turtle say?
    • “No thanks, I’m covered.” 
  • What prevented the great baker from getting insurance?
    • Because they were high whisk. 
  • What caused Elon Musk to go bankrupt?
    • Because his car insurance rates were astronomical. 
  • In case of an accident at Machu Picchu, what insurance company should you choose?
    • Peru-dential. 
  • After reviewing its insurance policies, what did the doctor tell the chocolate?
    • “They said, “Laughter is the best medicine, but it looks like you’re only covered Snickers and Laffy Taffy.”

Funny One-Liners and Conversations About Insurance

  • Now that my wife and I have taken out life insurance policies on each other, it’s just a matter of waiting.
  • By buying insurance, people keep themselves poor so that they can die rich.
  • Needing insurance is like needing a parachute.
    • Unless it’s there the first time, you probably won’t need it again.
  • I bought a new life insurance policy but the small print is impossible to understand.
    • I can stop paying after I die, that’s all I know.
  • A cowboy who had applied for a policy was being questioned by an insurance agent.
    • “Ever have an accident?” he inquired.
    • “Nope,” the cowboy answered.
    • “Not even one?” asked the agent, incredulously.
    • “Nope,” the cowboy insisted. “Rattler bit me once, though.”
    • “And don’t you call that an accident?” exclaimed the amazed agent.
    • “Nope; the danged varmint done it a-purpose.”
  • In Canada, there are some people who refuse to speak English.
    • They’re called separatists and tend to live in Quebec.
    • In the United States, they’re called actuaries.
  • Marriage to an insurance agent prolongs life?
    • A woman was in the hospital after feeling very ill.
    • The doctor says to her, “I have some bad news for you. You only have three months to live.”
    • “Oh that’s terrible,” the woman sighs, “What am I going do?”
    • The doctor replies, “Marry an insurance agent.”
    • “Will I live longer?” asks the woman.
    • “No,” replies the doctor, “but it will SEEM longer.”
  • Insurance agents never retire, they just expire.
    • Insurance agents are premium lovers.
    • Insurance agents do it with third parties.
  • I have camping insurance, but apparently it doesn’t cover me if my tent is stolen in the middle of the night.
  • Recently, I saw two people walk into an insurance broker.
    • You think one of them would have spotted it.
  • I was able to reduce my insurance bill by half.
    • Stil costs the same, just got carried away with some scissors.
  • When I was on the phone with the insurance company, they asked if I wanted to insure my dog as well. 
    • I said no, he can’t drive.
  • Boss: “You must be crazy! Would it be possible to issue a life insurance policy to a 108-year-old? ”
    • Employee: “As you told me, I applied for all the proper statistical tests. In the last five years, not a single 108-year-old man has died!
  • I’m sorry, but your health insurance does not cover stress caused by trying to understand it.
  • Death is one of the worst things that can happen in life.
    • Have you ever spent an entire evening with an insurance salesman?
  • My insurance company is very dependable.
    • In the thirty years I have been insured, they have never missed sending me a bill for my premium payment.

It is important that you understand how life insurance works in order to better plan for your family’s long-term financial needs. Find out five reasons why you should have life insurance.

Take a look at these funny jokes below that will make you laugh and smile. Keep laughing and having fun!

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