30+ Funny Insurance Jokes To Give You Premium Kind of Laugh

There is no question that the insurance industry has become more necessary than luxurious over the past few years.

Since insurance is a serious subject, you shouldn’t be surprised that the jokes are equally dry. But that doesn’t mean that they aren’t worth a few laughs; after all, laughter is the best medicine.

So next time you need to get your colleagues in a good mood, whip out a quick insurance jokes and watch them roar with laughter.

Hilarious Insurance Jokes

In terms of selling to a ghoul, what can be the most difficult?
- Life insurance!

Fleetwood Mac got insurance for what?
- They got it for landslides.

Transformers need what kind of insurance?
- Life insurance and car insurance.

Can you tell me what kind of chocolate insurance agents love?
- They love premium chocolates.

After describing his policy, what did the life insurance salesman say to the woman?
- “Call me tomorrow if you wake up!”

What’s the difference between a whole life policy and a man’s policy?
- A whole life policy eventually matures.

When you turn 65, what’s the best thing about it?
- No more calls from life insurance agents.

What is the connection between an insurance policy and a woman?
- They are both expensive, difficult to understand and what you get is not guaranteed.

Is there a reason why the insurance agency denied the high wire artist insurance?
- Because of her outstanding balance.

What is the difference between an accountant and an actuary?
- An actuary looks at his shoes when he talks to you. An accountant looks at your shoes.

Do hospital gowns and insurance policies have anything in common?
- You’re never covered as much as you think you are.

What did the man reply when the insurance salesman asked, “Sir, you said you were born in the USA. Which part?”
- “My entire body, my man,” the man replied.

Halloween monsters need what kind of health insurance?
- They need medi-scare.

Salmon don’t need health insurance, so why don’t they?
- That’s because they all get cured for free.

What was the name chosen by two insurance agents for their son?
- Justin Case.

Where would the founding fathers of America sign important documents if they were life insurance agents?
- The declarations page.

Life insurance was sold to explosive manufacturers by the agent for what reason?
- Because it was a booming business.

To the insurance agent, what did the turtle say?
- “No thanks, I’m covered.”

What prevented the great baker from getting insurance?
- Because they were high whisk.

What caused Elon Musk to go bankrupt?
- Because his car insurance rates were astronomical.

In case of an accident at Machu Picchu, what insurance company should you choose?
- Peru-dential.

After reviewing its insurance policies, what did the doctor tell the chocolate?
- “They said, “Laughter is the best medicine, but it looks like you’re only covered Snickers and Laffy Taffy.”

Funny One-Liners and Conversations About Insurance

Now that my wife and I have taken out life insurance policies on each other, it’s just a matter of waiting.

By buying insurance, people keep themselves poor so that they can die rich.

Needing insurance is like needing a parachute.
- Unless it’s there the first time, you probably won’t need it again.

I bought a new life insurance policy but the small print is impossible to understand.
- I can stop paying after I die, that’s all I know.

A cowboy who had applied for a policy was being questioned by an insurance agent.
- “Ever have an accident?” he inquired.
- “Nope,” the cowboy answered.
- “Not even one?” asked the agent, incredulously.
- “Nope,” the cowboy insisted. “Rattler bit me once, though.”
- “And don’t you call that an accident?” exclaimed the amazed agent.
- “Nope; the danged varmint done it a-purpose.”

In Canada, there are some people who refuse to speak English.
- They’re called separatists and tend to live in Quebec.
- In the United States, they’re called actuaries.

Marriage to an insurance agent prolongs life?
- A woman was in the hospital after feeling very ill.
- The doctor says to her, “I have some bad news for you. You only have three months to live.”
- “Oh that’s terrible,” the woman sighs, “What am I going do?”
- The doctor replies, “Marry an insurance agent.”
- “Will I live longer?” asks the woman.
- “No,” replies the doctor, “but it will SEEM longer.”

Insurance agents never retire, they just expire.
- Insurance agents are premium lovers.
- Insurance agents do it with third parties.

I have camping insurance, but apparently it doesn’t cover me if my tent is stolen in the middle of the night.

Recently, I saw two people walk into an insurance broker.
- You think one of them would have spotted it.

I was able to reduce my insurance bill by half.
- Stil costs the same, just got carried away with some scissors.

When I was on the phone with the insurance company, they asked if I wanted to insure my dog as well.
- I said no, he can’t drive.

Boss: “You must be crazy! Would it be possible to issue a life insurance policy to a 108-year-old? ”
- Employee: “As you told me, I applied for all the proper statistical tests. In the last five years, not a single 108-year-old man has died!

I’m sorry, but your health insurance does not cover stress caused by trying to understand it.

Death is one of the worst things that can happen in life.
- Have you ever spent an entire evening with an insurance salesman?

My insurance company is very dependable.
- In the thirty years I have been insured, they have never missed sending me a bill for my premium payment.

It is important that you understand how life insurance works in order to better plan for your family’s long-term financial needs. Find out five reasons why you should have life insurance.

Take a look at these funny jokes below that will make you laugh and smile. Keep laughing and having fun!