Funny Recovery Jokes That You’ll Never Be Able To Recover From

The process of recovery from any illness or injury can be daunting. We need to adapt our lives and lifestyle, so it can take all the support we can get. 

Recovery jokes is where people tell jokes about the struggle with recovery and overcoming addiction. These jokes are used to help people get a better sense of humor in their recovery and it is also something they can relate to. 

Check out these jokes that we hope can help you and a few chuckles to make you feel more relaxed about the process.

Funny Recovery Jokes

  • Have you heard about the man who fell into the upholstery machine?
    • He is fully recovered.
  • I wonder why people in recovery can’t dance?
    • They lose interest after twelve steps.
  • A law student and a recovering alcoholic share what in common?
    • They both have to pass the bar.
  • What makes recovering addicts good bankers?
    • They have a lot of experience with withdrawals.
  • What keeps Yosemite Sam going after being killed?
    • Rein-tarnation.
  • Why do families of recovering alcoholics have so many reunions?
    • They have twelve-step-parents.
  • What did Doc McStuffins tell the Roadrunner?
    • “Have a speedy Recovery”.
  • Did you just say it recovered?
    • You must have the passages guy for a sponsor.
  • How do southerners talk about addiction recovery?
    • With drawl
  • Have you heard about the Brazilian percussionist who was injured in a conga line?
    • He made a maraca-ulous recovery.
  • Did you hear about the dyslexic druggie lawyer who just completed rehab?
    • He’s already started suing again.
  • To change a lightbulb, how many alcoholics does it take?
    • Just one – he holds the lightbulb and the whole world revolves around him.
  • Do you know what’s cheaper than therapy?
    • Admitting you’re crazy and running with it.
  • During a seizure, how do you recover?
    • Go to sleep. 
  • While recovering from an injury, my friend wanted to run on the treadmill.
    • I told him “tread lightly”.
  • I was told to stop drinking by my wife.
    • That’s when I joined AA.
    • However, I joined the Automobile Association by mistake.
    • At least either way I’m on the road to recovery.
  • I was addicted to soap once.
    • Now I’m clean.
  • A recovering amputee hit a particularly difficult patch.
    • I guess you could say he got stumped.
  • The optimist in me is recovering.
    • I’m getting worse day by day.
  • I am recovering from kleptomaniac and planning to open my restaurant later this year.
    • Got a job yesterday and used my earnings to pay for a Chinese cooking pan.
    • It ain’t much, but it’s honest work.
  • Two recovering alcoholics began writing a song together,
    • but they couldn’t get past the first two bars.
  • As I’m recovering from surgery, my doctor told me I couldn’t lift more than ten pounds.
    • I haven’t been able to use the bathroom by myself in a week.
  • Addiction can be cured with a pill.
    • I wonder what two of them will accomplish.
  • When you stop drinking,
    • the worst part is you no longer have any excuses for your behavior.
  • Switching to recovery just saved me a lot of money on my substance abuse.
  • President Trump’s doctor warns the public to prepare for the worst.
    • A full recovery.
  • Donald Trump tested positive for COVID-19.
    • Doctors are expecting a swift recovery, citing that the virus is a hoax and fake news.
  • I just underwent a scoliosis correction surgery.
    • When I woke up, the doctor said “well, now that we’ve got that all straightened out, we can focus on recovery”.
  • The patient with scoliosis had given up hope of recovery.
    • But after the long and painful surgery, he took his first steps and humbly said “I stand corrected”.
  • I am in recovery from people pleasing. Is that okay?
    • The truth will set you free.
    • But first, it will piss you off.
  • The teachers are not on summer vacation;
    • they are in recovery.
  • When I visited my hometown, I drove past the data recovery center where I used to work.
    • The sight brought back a lot of memories.
  • Recovery Definitions:
    • AVOIDABLE (uh-voy’-duh-buhl’):  What a bullfighter tries to avoid.
  • There is no better medicine than laughter…
    • except for treating diarrhea. 
  • Joe Rogan caught COVID, but he recovered nearly completely.
    • Unfortunately, he’s still not able to smell jiu-jitsu.

Hilarious Jokes About Rehab Recovery

  • Where are the only places where quitters win?
  • Mr. Pibb went to see Dr. Pepper at Rehab for what reason?
    • Because he was addicted to Coke.
  • What prompted the noodles to go to rehab?
    • To get yakisoba.
  • What prompted the duck to go to rehab?
    • Because he was a quack addict!
  • What do rehab and the days after Christmas have in common?
    • Cold turkey.
  • Why was the broken straw in rehab?
    • It had a serious drinking problem.

In recovery, memories are made, joy is felt, tears are shed, and a lot of laughter is heard. We hope these recovery jokes made you smile and gave you a healthy laugh!

Here are some of our most laughable jokes for you to enjoy. Be sure to check out our website for the full collection of jokes.

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About the author

Megha Sharma

Megha is the heart of - When waking up in the morning, her first thought always is how to create a smile on someone's face before breakfast. Her passion are jokes for the youngest and about animals.

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