Pregnancy is a time filled with excitement, anticipation, and a whole lot of waiting. But it doesn’t have to be all doom and gloom! In fact, pregnancy can be pretty funny.
These funny pregnancy jokes will help you pass the time and maybe even get your baby moving.
Laugh-Out-Loud Pregnancy Jokes and Puns
- Pregnancy is the one time in life when you can say, “I’m literally growing a human inside me,” and no one will question your sanity.
- My pregnant wife asked me what she wanted for dinner.
- She said, “Something from the maternity ward.”
- Pregnancy is like being a celebrity.
- Everyone wants to touch you, but nobody really knows what you’re going through.
- Women who are pregnant are great at solving mysteries.
- After all, they can detect a missing cookie crumb at 20 paces!
- Pregnancy is the only time when “eating for two” makes perfect sense to everyone.
- Pregnant women fear what part of biology class?
- The sea section.
- Is there anything in common between a joke and a pregnancy?
- A good delivery.
- Hummus and pregnancy tests have something in common, don’t they?
- They both require chickpea.
- What are the most common pregnancy cravings?
- For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
- What is the best way to win an argument?
- Be pregnant. That’s it! You’re done.
- What is your definition of pregnancy?
- A nine-month-long hostage situation where you are both the hostage and the building.
- Is there anything in common between a pregnant woman and a burned cake?
- You should’ve taken it out earlier.
- What is the best way to get a blonde to marry you?
- Tell her she’s pregnant.
- What are the similarities between a pregnant woman and a toddler?
- She outgrows her clothes every week!
- During the ninth month of pregnancy, what position should the baby be in?
- Head down, pressing firmly on your bladder!
- When is the best time to get an epidural?
- Right after you find out you’re pregnant.
- Is there a difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
- You can unscrew a light bulb.
- During a hike, what is a pregnant woman’s favorite part?
- The water break
- While recovering from childbirth, is there anything I should avoid?
- Yes, pregnancy.
- What do you give a new mom so she’s prepared for anything?
- A diaper bag of tricks.
- What would happen if men got pregnant instead of women?
- Maternity leave would last for two years with full pay, and morning sickness would rank as the nation’s number one health problem.
- When two flowers have an unplanned pregnancy, what do you call it?
- An Oopsie-daisy!
- Pregnant horses how fast do they go?
- 2 Horsepower.
- Why couldn’t the snake get pregnant with the other snake?
- It had a reptile dysfunction.
- What makes kidney stones worse than pregnancy?
- After a kidney stone, nobody says “let’s have another”
- What’s the reason they don’t have pregnant Barbie dolls?
- Because Ken came in a separate box.
- An Italian woman is pregnant. You congratulate her. She says “Grazie”. After that, what do you say to her?
- Prego.
Laughable Pregnancy Lines & Realizations
- Currently, I am two months pregnant. Can you tell me when my baby will move
- With any luck, right after he finishes college.
- Everyone around you is dieting and exercising, but you’re pregnant like “Baby wants a cupcake.”
- Best wishes on your pregnancy!
- If your baby’s ugly, do you want me to tell you?
- Make sure your wife doesn’t eat anything during pregnancy.
- I probably overreacted, you’re right.
- I have no legitimate complaint, it’s just my hormones.
- Said no pregnant woman ever.
- I can’t believe my wife has been pregnant so long…
- It feels like a maternity!
- Success is similar to pregnancy.
- Everyone says, “congratulations”, but they don’t know how many times you got screwed.
- I used to make pregnancy pamphlets on an assembly line, but I quit. Why?
- I’m tired of labor manuals!
- Husband: My wife is five months pregnant and sometimes irrational because she’s so moody.
- Doctor: Can you tell me what your question is?
- It was my pregnant wife who asked if I ever worried that the baby inside her would get too hot.
- I said, “Nah, it’s probably womb temperature.”
- Pregnant Wife: “My husband told me to put the Oreos somewhere I couldn’t reach them. So he put them on the floor.”
- My town’s population never changes.
- When a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.
- At the pharmacy today, I saw a woman buying a pregnancy test without a face mask.
- She clearly isn’t a fan of protection
- Labor is so painful that women can almost imagine what men feel when they are sick.
- All the women who are going to announce their pregnancy today…
- You aren’t fooling anyone, you’ve been showing for months.
- Last year, I had a vasectomy.
- Turns out they don’t prevent pregnancy, it just changes the color of the baby.
- My 4-year-old saw a picture of me pregnant.
- My explanation is that she was inside me.
- She thought for a bit then said: “I never want to do that again.”
- What if you get pregnant in Vegas and the baby stays there?
- Some days, I wish I could time travel back to pregnant me and whisper, “Go take a nap.
- This is your last chance!”
- Women in pregnancy test commercials who curse and cry would make them much more relatable.
- At this point in my pregnancy, if something falls on the floor, it’s dead to me.
- Are you looking to trim down your friend list?
- For every “I’m pregnant” April fool’s joke on Facebook just reply with, “I thought you put on weight.”
- Rather than asking pregnant friends about the baby’s gender, I ask about its species.
- So I won’t have to worry about being invited to the baby shower.
The Pregnancy Health Quiz
Author’s Note
I hope you enjoy these funny pregnancy jokes and get your baby moving! From the silly to the serious, these jokes will have you and your partner laughing all the way through your pregnancy.
Remember, these jokes are all in good fun and meant to bring smiles to expecting mothers and those around them.
Get your whole family laughing with dad jokes, mom jokes, sister jokes, and brother jokes. Take a look at these Funny Pregnancy Videos. You’ll definitely smile after watching it.
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