Husband and Wife Jokes to Make Your Marriage Fun

We all know that marriage is hard, but with the right sense of humor, it can also be a hoot. It’s important to have fun in marriage because laughter is a great way to relax, let go of anger, and enjoy each other’s company.

Take a look at these husband and wife jokes to make your time together more enjoyable.

Keep your sweetheart smiling with these wedding jokes, grandparents jokes, and flirty Knock Knock jokes.

Funny Husband and Wife Jokes

  • Is there a reason why the husband brought a ladder to bed?
    • Because he wanted to get to the root of the problem!
  • Is there a reason why the wife brought a pencil to bed?
    • Because she wanted to draw the curtains!
  • Can you tell when a husband is going to say something intelligent?
    • When he starts with, “My wife told me…”
  • What made the husband refer to his wife as “the thermostat”?
    • Because she’s always changing her mind about the temperature!
  • What is the best way to turn a dishwasher into a snow blower?
    • Hand it a shovel and tell it to get to work!
  • Can you tell me what the difference is between love and marriage?
    • Love is blind and marriage is an eye-opener!
  • When the cannibal’s wife arrived home an hour late for dinner, what did she do?
    • She gave him the cold shoulder.
  • If love is “grand,” what is divorce?
    • The sum of a hundred grand or more.
  • What is the best way to tell if your husband is dead?
    • The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
  • In what way does a relationship differ from a video game?
    • They both start off fun and easy, then get a litter harder.
    • If you make it to the end without breaking, everyone is shocked.
  • What made you hit your husband with a chair?
    • The table was too heavy.
  • What was the reason for the dead man’s divorce from his dead wife?
    • Because she was frigid.
  • Why don’t women propose?
    • Whenever men kneel down, they get all the wrong ideas.
  • What do you give a man who has everything?
    • A wife.
    • She’ll tell him how everything works.
  • Feminism is bad when?
    • After one marries your sister!
  • Is there a difference between a battery and a wife?
    • A battery has a positive side.
  • What is the best way to tell if a woman is divorced?
    • She’s bungee jumping for joy.
  • What makes husbands like lawnmowers?
    • They’re hard to get started, emit foul odors and don’t work half the time.
  • What is the best way to disable my wife’s autocorrect function?
    • You don’t.

Crazy One Liners and Stories for Husband and Wife

  • A marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other person is a husband.
  • Every man wants a beautiful wife, a smart wife, a loving wife, a sexy wife, and a cooperative wife.
    • As a matter of fact, bigamy is illegal.
  • My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage.
    • I consider that a compliment.
  •  A retired husband is often a wife’s full-time job.
  • It has been decided that my wife and I do not want children.
    • If you’re interested, please contact us immediately to arrange dropping them off.
  • Husband: “What’s with you reading our marriage license all the time?”
    • Wife: “I’m looking for an expiration date.”
  • I just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year.
    • I’m not trying to cause trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number?
  • While we were arguing, my partner told me I was rude for yawning.
    • I told them I wasn’t yawning, I thought it was my turn to speak.
  • Marriage is like deleting all the apps on your phone except one.
  • Marriage is full of surprises but it’s mostly just asking each other, ” Are you sure you want to do that now?”
  • My husband and I have agreed never to go to bed angry with each other.
    • So far, we’ve been up for three days.
  • During my ninth month of pregnancy, I felt very uncomfortable.
    • On top of everything, my pleas for sympathy seemed to go unnoticed by my husband.
    • One day I told him, ” Hope you are pregnant in your next life!”
    • He replied, “I hope in your next life you get to be married to someone who’s pregnant!”
  • Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings … and lawyers.
    • —Richard Pryor
  • My son wanted to know what marriage is like.
    • I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.
  • I’ve been married to my wife for quite a few years, and she asked me recently to get some pills that would ensure I was up to some action in the bedroom once again.
    • I brought home diet pills. Apparently very much not what she meant.
  • There is a psychological component to a man and woman’s relationship.
    • The woman is psycho, the man is logical.
  • Do I have to remove the cheating husband before I throw the ring in the volcano?
  • Make sure your eyes are wide open before marriage, half shut afterward.
  • The boss of the house is me.
    • My wife is just a decision-maker. 
  • The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
  •  Husbands are like fires; if left unattended, they go out.
  • Until a man is married, he is incomplete.
    • After that, he is finished.
  • I’m an excellent housekeeper.
    • Whenever I get divorced, I keep the house.
  • In the industry, we know that behind every successful screenwriter is a woman.
    • And behind her stands his wife.
  • Wife: It’s our anniversary, dear. What is the best way to celebrate it?
    • Husband: With a minute of silence?
  • A man goes to see a wizard and says, ” Would you be able to remove the curse that was placed on me years ago?”

Husband and Wife Jokes Trivia Challenge

Author’s Note

Husband and wife jokes can be a hilarious way to poke fun at the quirks and idiosyncrasies of married life. While some of these jokes may be a little bit stereotypical or exaggerated, they can still be a great way to bond with your partner or to make light of some of the challenges that come with marriage.

Just remember to keep it lighthearted and always make sure that both you and your spouse are comfortable with the humor. After all, a good laugh is one of the best ways to keep a marriage strong and happy!

What is the best way to keep the fire of marital love burning? With these six steps, you can keep your marriage in order and have a deeper love for one another.

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