Not all jokes need to be family-friendly and G-rated. Some of those are dirty jokes that are (never appropriate but) always funny. I had a look around and collected the funniest dirty jokes for adults only. Some of them include Santa Clause, others your wife and again others are simply dirty puns…
No matter the setting, be bold enough to deliver a punchline to these 79 laugh-out-loud adult dirty jokes and memes.
Hilariously Inappropriate List of Dirty Jokes
What’s Santa’s secret? Why does he always land on the roof?
Because he likes it on top.
Santa goes through the chimney for what reason?
Because Mrs. Claus said he wouldn’t use the back door.
Snowmen use what to make snow babies?
Why do elves laugh when they are running?
Due to the snow tickling their balls.
Can you tell us about Peter Pan’s favorite place to eat out?
I’d like to find out the reason why Snow White, who is an iconic Disney character, was shut out of Disneyland.
She sat on Pinocchio’s face and said, “Lei to me! Lie to me!”
- Minnie told Mickey she wanted to divorce him. “Are you fucking serious?” he asked. “No. I’m fucking goofy!” Minnie replied.
What do Disney World and Viagra have in common?
Both make you stand around for over an hour and wait for a two-minute ride.
- In what way does one circumcise a hillbilly? Kick his younger sister in the jaw.
- How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips? Once you open it, you find it half empty.
- The difference between a terrorist and a woman with PMS? With a terrorist, you can negotiate.
- Did the sanitary napkin say anything to the fart? You are the wind beneath my wings.
- Could you tell me what the O said to the Q? Dude, your dick’s hanging out.
- What does one call a herd of cows masturbating? Beef strokin’ off.
- Why do boobes and toys have so much in common? Both were originally intended for kids, but daddies end up playing with them instead.
- How do you refer to a virgin lying on a waterbed? A cherry float.
- When someone refuses to fart in public, what do you call them? A private tutor.
- How do you refer to a guy with a small dick? Just-in!
- When Cinderella got to the ball, what did she do? She gagged.
- Green and smelling like pork, what is it? Kermit’s Finger!
- Hard and dry, but soft and wet when it comes out? Gum
- Are you aware of the three shortest words in the English language? Is it in?
- Did you know that a Rubik’s Cube has something in common with a penis? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
- Do you know why there isn’t a pregnant Barbie doll? Ken has come in another box.
- Six year old kid checking out his mother’s ID card. Sex: F He laughs… Mom: What’s so funny about it? Kid: I can’t believe you’re that terrible at sex that you failed at it. Husband died laughing!!!
- Why was the guitar teacher arrested? For fingering a minor.
- What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.
- Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? He only comes once a year.
- What’s the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
- What do the Mafia and pussies have in common? One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.
- What did the banana say to the vibrator? Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!
- Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Because his wife died.
- What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb? You can unscrew a lightbulb.
- What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit? A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.
- What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.
- How is a girlfriend like a laxative? They both irritate the shit out of you.
- Why do vegetarians give good head? Because they’re used to eating nuts.
- What’s long and hard and full of semen? A submarine.
- What’s the difference between your wife and your job? After five years, your job will still suck.
- What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.
- How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex? Call and tell her about it.
- When is it okay to beat up a dwarf? When he’s standing next to your girlfriend and telling her that her hair smells nice.
- What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off!
- How is life like toilet paper? You’re either on a roll or taking shit from someone.
- What makes a woman scare a gynecologist? By becoming a ventriloquist.
- Why is there a difference between your penis and a bonus check? There is always someone willing to blow your bonus.
- Diarrhea is inherited – why? It runs in your genes!
- Is there any difference between a condom and your boyfriend? The condom has evolved, in that it’s no longer so thick and insensitive.
- Why is a G-spot different from a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball!
- How can a single egg be fertilized with 100 million sperm? Because they will not stop to get directions.
- The one butt cheek said to the other. We can stop this crap together.
- How would you embarrass an archaeologist? Put a used tampon in his hand and ask him which period it came from!
- One Sunday, a married couple is in church… When the woman turns to her husband and says, “I just let out a long, silent fart. What should I do?” The husband turned to her and says, “Replace the battery in your hearing aid.”
- You’re an American in the living room, so what’re you in the bathroom? European.
- Why did the police officer sit on the toilet? To do his duty.
- There was a wife who texted her husband a romantic message... She wrote: “I love you. If you wake up, send me your dreams. If you laugh, send me your smile. If you eat, send me a bite. If you drink, send me a sip. If you cry, send me your tears.” Then her husband texted: “I’m on the toilet, advice please.”
- A fly landed on the toilet seat. What happened? It got peed-off.
- I farted in the office the other day… and my coworker started trying to open the window. We work on a submarine, so it must have been really bad.
- The other day I was at a fancy dinner party… When I farted loudly. One of the guests objected indignantly, “How dare you fart in front of my wife!” I responded, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that it was her turn next.”
- What’s sticky and brown? A stick.
- As two fish swim against a wall… one turns to the other and says, “Dam!”
- Is there any difference between the Greyhound terminal and a lobster with boobs? One of them is a crusty bus station and the other is a busy crustacean.
- What do you call a skilled fisherman? A master baiter.
- Did the sex toy store employee say anything to the customers before closing for the night? There’s no time to waste! It’s time for you to beat it!
- Before the clients left the sperm bank, what did the receptionist say to them? Thank you for coming!
- What do you do when you encounter an elephant in the jungle? Wipe it off and say you’re sorry.
- I would like to know what hurricane said to the coconut palm tree. Watch out, this is not an ordinary blow job!
- When a man is in your bed, gasping for breath and calling your name, what does it mean? You didn’t hold the pillow down long enough.
- What can you do to make 5 pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on it.
- This has been a long time since I’ve had sex… It almost seems like my virginity is returning!
- Why do men like cars so much? It is because they check before pulling out if someone else is cumming!
- A guy goes to the store to buy condoms… “Do you have a bag?”, the cashier inquired. “No,” the man replied, “she’s not really all that ugly.”
- Have you ever had sex while camping? It’s fucking intents!
- I wonder what measures 6 inches long and 2 inches wide taht can make a woman go wild? A $100 bill!
- Funny guys are dangerous. They make you laugh, then make you laugh again and again. When you’re done laughing, boom… You’re naked!
- Where do erotic and kinky differ from each other? The erotic uses a feather… whereas the kinky uses the whole chicken.
- Don’t take it so hard. It’s a joke, not some dick.
- Rearrange these letters to form words. 1. PNEIS 2. BUTTSXE Did you get “SPINE” and “SUBTEXT”? Yeah… Neither did I.
- Whenever I am told that I look familiar, I tell them, “I am a pornstar.”
Now that you read out these inappropriate yet hilariously dirty jokes, we hope it made you laugh! Why not share these jokes at the end of the day when only the adults are left standing? Surely it will make them struggle to keep a straight face the entire time.
More Jokes That Will Make You Laugh:
- MOST Corny and Cheesy Jokes That Will Make You Groan at its Corniness
- Funny Questions to Ask That Will Make Everyone Burst Out Laughing
- A Collection of Funny Knock Knock Jokes Perfect for Every Occasion
After the dirty jokes treat together with your co-adults play this Songs With Filthy Lyrics. They listed the list of songs that you already knew were sexy, but are filthier than you realized.