Guitar Jokes That Will Have You Rolling on the Floor Laughing

It is no secret that music can help improve your mood. It is also no secret that light hearted gags can be just what you need when you are feeling low.

Guitar players are known for their sense of humor, and these guitar jokes are no exception! From funny one-liners to puns that will have you rolling on the floor laughing, these jokes are sure to entertain. 

So whether you’re a guitar player yourself or just looking for a good laugh, check out these guitar jokes today!

Hilarious Guitar Jokes and Puns

• What was the purpose of taking the guitar to the barber?
  • Because it needed a “pick”-me-up!

• What is the best way to fix a broken guitar string?
  • With a “guitar-antee”!

• Is there a reason why the guitar teacher went to jail?
  • Because she got caught with a minor!

• The guitar player went to therapy for what reason?
  • To deal with his unresolved “chord” issues!

• Can you tell me what a guitarist’s favorite drink is?
  • Root beer, because it’s “a-peel”-ing!

• What caused the guitar and piano to break up?
  • Because it found someone more “acoustic-tive”!

• Why are so many guitar player jokes one liners?
  • So the rest of the band can understand them.

• What do you call a guitar that never finishes a job?
  • A quitar.

• What’s the difference between a lawnmower and an Electric Guitar?
  • You can tune a lawnmower.

• How does a guitarist greet another guitarist?
  • “I’m better than you”

• Why can’t Woody play his guitar?
  • He doesn’t know where his Pixar.

• What do you call a guitar moving?
  • Walk and roll.

• How long does it take to tune a 12-string guitar?
  • Nobody knows.

• Why didn’t the guitar drive to the store?
  • Because the piano had the keys.

• What’s the difference between a guitar player and a bag of garbage?
  • The garbage gets taken out at least once a week.

• Why was Darth Vader visiting all the guitar shops of the entire universe?
  • Because he desperately wanted to find the rebel-bass!

• Did you hear about the farmer who played guitar out in his cornfield?
  • It was music to his ears.

• Why is Stephen Hawking so good at air guitar?
  • Because he has excellent string theory.

• What’s orange and plays the guitar really well?
  • Fantana.

• What’s the difference between an electric guitar player and a vacuum cleaner?
  • When you unplug a vacuum cleaner it doesn’t suck anymore.

• How can you tell a guitarist is worried?
  • He frets a lot.

• What’s the difference between a lead guitarist and a terrorist?
  • You can negotiate with a terrorist.

• Why do rhythm guitarists move around the stage while performing?
  • They move away from the sound!

• How does a guitar player protect his Guitar from being stolen?
  • Store it in a bass case.

• How can you identify when a lead guitarist is right outside of your house?
  • They don’t know when to come in!

• Why was the famous guitarist extremely anxious and tired?
  • Because he was strung out!

• What’s the difference between a guitarist and a savings bond?
  • Eventually, a savings bond will mature and make money.

• How does a guitarist get a million dollars?
  • Start off with 2 million and try to make a living playing the guitar.

• What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
  • A Bass Player.

• How do you get a guitar player to stop playing?
  • Put a piece of sheet music in front of him.

• What do you call two guitarists playing in unison?
  • Counterpoint.

• What does a guitarist say when he gets to his gig?
  • Would you like fries with that?

• Why do guitarists leave their guitar cases on the dashboard of their car? 
  • So they can park in handicap spaces.

• What do all great guitarists have in common?
  • They‘re all dead.

• How do you get two guitar players to play in perfect unison?
  • Shoot one.

• How do you invite a guitarist to a party?
  • Chord-ially.

• What’s God’s favorite chord?
  • Gsus.

• What’s a pigeon’s favorite guitar?
  • A “coo” stick guitar.

Funny Guitar One Liners and Stories

• I bought a guitar the other day but it doesn’t work. 
  • Guess I should’ve known when the seller said no strings attached.

• I used to be ugly, but then I bought an acoustic guitar.
  • Now I’m ugly and annoying.

• Two jazz guitarists meet in a bar, and one says, “Yeah man, I bought your last album, it was awesome!”
  • to which the other replies, “Oh so that was you!”.

• Two guys were walking down the street. 
  • One was destitute. The other was a guitar player, too.

• Marriage is like playing the guitar. 
  • It looks easy until you try it.

• A friend asked me if I could play Wonderwall by Oasis on the guitar. 
  • I said, “maybe.”

• The man asks: “What can I get for 10 pence?” 
  • Devil: “You can become the greatest guitar player in the world.”

• I just sold a guitar to a guy with no arms.
  • I asked him why he wanted it and he said: “I’m going to play it by ear”.

• You know I really want a new guitar, but for now, I’m too baroque.

• Someone told me they would chase after me whilst playing guitar and I asked, “is that a fret?”

• When I was a kid, I wanted to play the guitar really badly. 
  • And after years of hard work, practice and dedication, I can now play the guitar really badly. 

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Author’s Note

These guitar jokes are sure to resonate with anyone who loves strumming, picking, and rocking out on this beloved instrument. Share them with fellow guitarists to strike a chord of laughter!

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