Coffee Jokes, One-Liners, and Puns That Will Make Your Day Brighter

Coffee. Suitable for any time of day and any occasion, it’s the perfect drink to enjoy. Whether you’re drinking it to stay awake, or with friends on a Sunday afternoon. You might not think coffee has much of a place in comedy – but it does!

If you are a serious, or not-so-serious, connoisseur of coffee this list has all the best coffee jokes that make a good laugh and also get your brain thinking about how delicious coffee can be!

Hilarious Coffee Jokes and One-Liners

  • After you sit down to enjoy a hot cup of coffee, your boss might ask you to do something that will occupy you until the coffee has cooled down.
  • Coffee is an inadequate substitute for sleep.
  • This morning, a factory worker was drowned in a vat of coffee. The police say it came as a shock to all who knew him, but that they may be relieved that he didn’t suffer. It was instant.
  • If you drink too much espresso, it can lead to latte problems.
  • Thanks for constantly beaning there, I love you a latte.
  • Baby, you’re so brew-ti-ful.
  • My keyboard is now soaked with coffee, so I have no escape.
  • It is difficult for words to expresso how much you bean to me.
  • Feeling depresso-ed? Brew it up!
  • The coffee remains in the house. It’s grounded.
  • A yawn is really just a silent request for caffeine.
  • We are the perfect blend.
  • Affogato to let you know something: You rock.
  • Our coffee is the silent victim… It gets robbed every day.
  • If your local coffee shop has given you the title of Employee of the Month and you don’t even work there yet, you may be drinking too much coffee. 
  • One man complained to his psychiatrist that whenever he drinks coffee, it causes stabbing pain in his right eye. The psychiatrist asked, “Have you tried taking the spoon out?”
  • A customer asks “Hey barista, what’s the price of a cup of coffee?” “Two dollars,” responds the barista, “and refills are free.” “Great. Then I’ll have a refill,” answers the customer.

Funny Coffee Puns

  • How does coffee express affection?
    • It gives “mug-hugs” so warm and cozy that even cocoa gets jealous!
  • Why did the coffee decide to file a police report?
    • Because it got “mugged” and it couldn’t espresso how shaken it was!
  • Want to catch a coffee lover?
    • Easy! Just approach them with a latte – they’ll follow the scent of espresso like a squirrel chasing nuts up a coffee tree!
  • Why did the coffee book an appointment with a therapist?
    • Because it had too many “grounds” for concern, and it needed a little brew-tal honesty!
  • What’s a coffee’s preferred type of investment?
    • A “stock-a-chino” – it’s not about diversification; it’s all about the flavor portfolio!
  • What names did the caffeine addict name his cats?
    • Cream and Sugar.
  • What are gossiping pots good for?
    • Spill the beans.
  • What song by the Beatles is your favorite?
    • Latte Be!
  • Was there anything the coffee addict told his doctor?
    • With coffee, I have no problems. Without coffee, I go crazy!
  • What do you call it when cafe customers make fun of their coffee?
    • A brewhaha.
  • Where do birds drink coffee?
    • To the NESTcafe.
  • What do you call the situation when you force someone to drink coffee?
    • Manipulatte!
  • Snakes don’t drink coffee. Why?
    • Because it makes them viperactive.
  • Why don’t skeletons drink coffee?
    • Because it goes right through them!
  • Why shouldn’t you discuss coffee around sensitive people?
    • It can lead to a heated and intense debate.
  • Why did someone not clean up the coffee maker?
    • Come on, spill the beans.
  • How do IT guys drink coffee?
    • He installs Java.
  • Is there anything the barista said to his Valentine?
    • I can’t espresso my love for you.
  • I am not sure what the technical term for a cup of coffee is at work.
    • Break fluid.
  • How come Coffee is better than women?
    • The coffee goes down easier.
  • The Fraternity Coffee Shop specialized in what?
    • Fratuccino.
  • Wife: I do not like this coffee, honey, it tastes like dirt.
    • Husband: Oh, don’t be surprised, it was just ground this morning.

The Caffeine Quiz

Author’s Note

Coffee has always been your best friend and lifesaver. It’s amazing how the caffeine in this beverage helps you get through the day even when things are tough.

Please share your thoughts and coffee jokes below in the comments section. Let’s be sure that these coffee jokes will make everyone brew a good time.

We hope you enjoyed our collection of funny coffee jokes, coffee puns, and puns. Check out the rest of FunnyJokesToday for lots more funny jokes like these:

Coffee is widely consumed in the world. Take in its 13 Health Benefits of Coffee, Based on Science.

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About the author

Megha Sharma

Megha is the heart of - When waking up in the morning, her first thought always is how to create a smile on someone's face before breakfast. Her passion are jokes for the youngest and about animals.

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