Silly Blonde Jokes You Shouldn’t Say Out Loud… Shhh!

Blonde is a very popular hair color, but only less than 2% of the world’s population has naturally blonde hair. 

No matter how they are achieved, blonde hairstyles are always eye-catching whether they’re real or from a bottle.

Having fun with blonde jokes in this blog is sure to bring a big smile to your face! 

Hilarious Blonde Jokes

  • A blonde cannot dial 911, why?
    • She can’t find the eleven.
  • How come blonde jokes are so short?
    • So brunettes can remember them.
  • How did the blonde die from drinking milk?
    • The cow fell on her.
  • Are beer bottles and blondes related in some way?
    • They’re both empty from bottom to top.
  • What’s the occupation of the brunette between two blondes?
    • An interpreter.
  • What was the reason for the blonde running in circles in her bedroom?
    • Because she decided to catch up on her sleep.
  • Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?
    • She kept throwing out all the ‘W’s.
  • How can you keep a blonde in the shower all day?
    • You give them a shampoo that says “rinse, wash, and repeat.”
  • Have you heard about the blonde who bought an AM radio?
    • It took her months to figure out she could use it at night.
  • Why do blondes like lightning so much?
    • They think someone is taking their picture.
  • And why did the blonde go past the medicine cabinet on tiptoe?
    • So she wouldn’t wake up the sleeping pills
  • What do you call a blonde who never showers?
    • A dirty blonde.
  •  What prompted the blonde to stare at an orange juice bottle for two hours?
    • Because it said ‘concentrate’
  • What was it that prompted the blonde to do backstroke?
    • She had just eaten lunch and didn’t want to swim on a full stomach.
  • Is it possible to drown a blonde?
    • Remind her that life is inane, repetitive, and intrinsically meaningless.
  • When a blonde throws a grenade at you, what do you do?
    • Lament the absurdity of a world where science is used for war.
  • How can you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
    • Tell her on Friday night that God has abandoned us, then let her sleep it off.
  • What’s long and hard for a blonde?
    • A conversation with a brunette who keeps pronouncing Nietzsche “Knee-chee.”
  • How does one keep a blonde occupied?
    • Write “flip” on both sides of a sheet of paper.
  • When the blonde saw a box of Cheerios, what did she say?
    • “OMG! Donut seeds!”
  • How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer?
    • You’ll find Wite Out all over the screen.
  • What is the reason why the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
    • She was desperately trying to make up her mind.
  • Have you heard about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband’s car?
    • She burnt her lips on the exhaust pipe.
  • How would you confuse a blonde?
    • Put her in a circle and tell her to sit in the corner.
  • What happened to the blonde when she was raking leaves?
    • She fell out of the tree.
  • Why can’t you tell knock-knock jokes to blondes?
    • Because they go answer the door.
  • How could the blonde be disappointed with her trip to England?
    • She found out Big Ben was a clock.
  • Why was the blonde unable to make Koolaid?
    • The 8 cups of water didn’t fit into that little packet. 
  • How would you drown a submarine full of blondes?
    • Knock on the door. 
  • Why does building a blonde snowman take longer than making a regular one?
    • You have to hollow out the head.

Funny Blonde Short Stories

  • In the store, a TV is stolen by a robber.
    • A blonde runs after him and says, “Wait, you forgot the remote!”
  • The blonde ran with the bike because she thought it was going too fast for her.
  • Blonde: “What does IDK stand for?”
    • Brunette: “I don’t know.”
    • Blonde: “OMG, nobody does!”
  • When the blonde went to buy a pizza, the assistant asked her if she wanted the pizza cut into six pieces or twelve pieces.
    • “Six please” she said, “I could never eat twelve!”
  • One morning, a brunette and a blonde are walking together in a park.
    • Suddenly, the brunette notices a dead bird.
    • “Awww, look at the dead birdie,” she says sadly.
    • The blonde stops, looks up into the sky, and says, “Where? Where?”
  • A blond, a brunette, and a redhead flee to an alley where they hide in potato sacks after robbing a bank. 
    • The cops first go to the sack with the brunette in it and kick it.
    • The brunette says, “Meow.” 
    • They go to the sack with the redhead and kick it. She says, “Woof, woof.” 
    • Last, they kick the sack with the blond, and she says, “Po-ta-to.”
  • Two blondes were sitting on a bench in Oklahoma talking.
    • One blond asks the other, “Which do you think is farther? Florida or the moon?” 
    • The other blonde turns and says, “Hellooooo, can you see Florida?” 
  • Being blonde is a big commitment.
    • I’m practically married to my toner. 
  • While driving to Disneyland, two blondes saw a sign that read: Disneyland Left.
    • So they started crying and headed home. 
  • A blonde and a brunette are in a car when the brunette mentions that Christmas falls on a Friday this year.
    • The blond says, “I hope it’s not the 13th!”

We hope these jokes make you smile, whether you are blonde or not. Make sure you have fun and laugh a lot! The following jokes will keep you smiling.

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About the author

Megha Sharma

Megha is the heart of - When waking up in the morning, her first thought always is how to create a smile on someone's face before breakfast. Her passion are jokes for the youngest and about animals.

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