Ice-Cold Jokes That Will You Keep Warm

What do you think of when you hear the word cold? What do you think of the weather? What about the concept of cold? Cold is a topic that many of us don’t enjoy talking about, and the thought of it certainly isn’t the most fun! 

It is true, though, that some ice-breakers based on this topic can be fun. So I’ve created this blog to show you the funniest cold jokes, puns, and one liners.

Also, check out summer jokes, autumn jokes, and winter jokes. All of them will have you laughing and smiling for the whole season. 

Funny Cold Jokes 

  • During the cold weather, where do snowmen dance?
    • They go dancing at the snowball!
  • When I met my friend after ditching him in the cold weather, what happened?
    • He gave me the cold shoulder!
  • In the cold weather, how did the archer shoot arrows?
    • He used the snowbows!
  • What did the icy road tell the car?
    • “Want to go for a spin?”
  • What falls in the winter but does not get hurt?
    • Snow.
  • What made the girl keep her trumpet out in the snow?
    • She liked playing cool jazz.
  • If a snowman throws a temper tantrum, what do you call it?
    • A meltdown.
  • What did one ice cube say to another?
    • “Hang in there!”
  • Antarctica’s husband, who is he?
    • Uncle Arctica.
  • What happens if you sit on the ice too long?
    • Polaroids!
  • The Arctic women use what to stay young looking?
    • Cold cream.
  • What is the purpose of washing Eskimos’ clothes with tide detergent?
    • Because it’s to cold out tide.
  • In cold weather, how does the Eskimo seal his house?
    • They use the i-glues!
  • When a spy is cold, what does he do?
    • He goes undercover.
  • Why do mountains not catch colds?
    • They wear snow caps.
  • The cow jumped over the moon for what reason?
    • Because the farmer had cold hands!
  • Did one snowman say anything to the other snowman?
    • “Can you smell carrot?”
  • What’s an ig?
    • A snow house without a loo!
  • How do you describe a snowman with a six-pack?
    • An abdominal snowman.
  • In Washington DC, how do you know when it’s really cold?
    • Politicians put their hands in their own pockets.
  • When you cross a snowman with a shark, what do you get?
    • Frost-bite.
  • On a very hot day, what do you call a snowman?
    • Water.
  • What makes snowpeople great at meetings?
    • Because they always break the ice!
  • In winter, what do the British say?
    • Brrr-illiant! It’s bloody freezing!
  • Wintering ducks fly south for what reason?
    • It’s too far to waddle. 
  • What animals are the coldest?
    • Mice. Except for the M, they’re ice.
  • What do you call a ghost that is cold?
    • Casp-burr!
  • What did the snowman eat?
    • Icebergs with chilifice sauce.
  • Snowmen eat what for lunch?
    • Ice-bergers
  • In what way do snowmen travel?
    • By icicle.
  • What is the snowman’s favorite food?
    • Brrr-itos.
  • Do you feel cold?
    • Stand in the corner. It’s 90 degrees.

Hilarious Cold Puns

  • Snowmen have a special name for their offspring.
    • They love to refer to them as chill-dren.
  • Since it was so cold, we chose to ski instead of swimming.
    • You could say we were mis-sled.
  • Now I have cold sores after dating a Greek god.
    • Thanks a lot, Herpules.
  • If you are ordering a cake in winter,
    • you do not need extra thick icing.
  • As the cannibal was late for dinner,
    • he noticed that he was getting the cold shoulder.
  • It’s so cold…
    • To heat the house, you have to open the fridge.
  • It’s so cold… 
    • Fever is something people look forward to.
  • It’s so cold…
    • Pet stores sell hamsters, gerbils and penguins.
  • The only thing that wakes you up faster than a cold toilet seat when you live alone…
    • is a warm toilet seat.
  • Grasshopper meat is a great source of protein; sustainable, and you can eat it cold!
    • Locusts, on the other hand, have to be swarmed up first.
  • One cold winter morning, my wife texted me, “Windows frozen. Won’t open.”
    • She texted back, “Pour some hot water along the edges and tap it with a hammer.”
    • A few minutes later, she texted back, “Computer is really messed up now.” 
  • I have only ever predicted very cold winters with my crystal ball.
    • As it turns out, I bought a snow globe. 
  • Winter is here when you start looking for excuses not to take a bath. 

There’s nothing like a good pun, one-liner or joke. I think there’s no better time than a cold winter’s day to tell one. Enjoy your time indoors with family and friends. 

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