Funny Washington DC Jokes Everyone Will Enjoy

Founded by George Washington on July 16, 1790, Washington DC is the capital of the United States. The district was meant to be a national capital, and Congress drew its boundaries. 

It’s no secret that Washington DC is a funny city. Its residents love to tell jokes about their hometown and the people living there. Below you will find some of the best jokes about Washington, DC for everyone to enjoy.

Hilarious Washington DC Jokes 

• What is DC’s top export?
  • Hot air.
• Which US state has a lot of dirty laundry?
  • Washington.
• Could you name every state’s capital in two seconds?
  • Washington, DC.
• Washington, DC’s tallest building is what?
  • The Library of Congress because it has so many stories.
• In Washington DC, what is a drug ring called?
  • A huddle.
• Where can you always find free parking in Washington, DC?
  • On 495 during rush hour.
• What should I avoid doing in Washington, DC?
  • Talk about politics. (Ha! Impossible)
• What made the Washington Nationals hire a baker?
  • They needed a new batter.
• On the Washington Monument, have you noticed the line where the stones change color?
  • It was because the monument went partially underground at night so that planes wouldn’t hit it.
• Putting the entire DMV on a scale, how much would it weigh?
  • A Washing-TON.
• Why did George Washington always seem tired?
  • He never slept because he couldn’t lie.
• What is the best way to know when Washington DC is really cold?
  • Politicians put their hands in their own pockets.
• The “Ringling Bros” Circus finally went out of business for what reason?
  • They couldn’t compete with the circus in Washington DC any longer.
• What is the most popular drink in Washington, DC this week?
  • A Peach Mint Julep.
• What are the differences between AC and DC?
  • AC Hertz more.
• How would you describe a highly intelligent person in Washington DC who wants to help Donald Trump?
  • A psychiatrist. 
• How is a congressman different from a prostitute?
  • There are some things a prostitute won’t do for money.
• What happened to the zombie that ate brains in Washington?
  • He starved to death.
• Is there anything white, in Washington, with a president inside?
  • Monica Lewinsky’s teeth.
• Why does Hollywood differ from Washington, DC?
  • Molesting kids in Washington doesn’t cost you your career.

• So you’re from North Virginia?
  • Tell me more about how you’re from DC.
• Where is the White House if the red house is on the left, the blue house is on the right?
  • In Washington, DC.

Funny Jokes About USA Countries: Alabama Jokes, Miami Jokes, Chicago Jokes, San Francisco Jokes

Wacky Washington DC One Liners and Stories 

• During the 90s, we said:
  • Taxes are high, crime is high, the mayor is high.
• Congress has a strange way of doing things.
  • They put a high tax on liquor and then raise the other taxes that drive people to drink.
• Washington DC’s football team should be called the Lobbyists.
  • They never lose.

• Officials have found a brain-eating Amoba in the water supply of Washington DC. Officials are worried.
  • After all, the Amobas are likely to starve to death.

• A trip to Washington DC means seeing more than one monument.
  • You have to see the Mall.

• GTA 5 has a new heist.
  • Brought to you by Washington DC

• I told my friend that Slash was in AC/DC but she did not believe me.
  • C’mon he is right there in the middle.

• Washington Redskins are out in Washington, DC.
  • If it’s all the same, could we get the orangeskin out too?

• Every morning, I say good night to my microwave.
  • I’m in a very different timezone that those agents in Washington DC. 
• In Washington, DC, 300 women working for the government were asked if they would sleep with Bill Clinton now that he is older.
  • 96% replied, “Not again”.

• You spent $400 on a client lunch, but only $4.50 on a late dinner from the vending machine in the office.
  • Perhaps you are a Washington lawyer.
• Congress does two things well:
  • nothing and over-react.
• I was given an excellent camera by some nice Chinese couple near the Washington Monument.
  • I didn’t really understand what they were saying, but it was very nice of them.

• Washington’s state passed the Gay marriage law and recreational marijuana use for real reasons.
  • Because the bible says when two men lie together, they should be stoned.

• Mom Joke:
  • “Wow, there are whiteout conditions in Washington DC. I wonder if Will Smith will boycott!”
• Washington is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm.
  • -John F. Kennedy
• “Riots in Washington”,
  • Obama: New life who dis.
• Everything touched by the light is Virginia.
  • What is that dark place?
  • Maryland and D.C.
  • You must never go there.

• Oh my, you all look like Washington.
  • Politicians.
• The zombie apocalypse is finally here.
  • I’m relocating to Washington DC, where the lack of brains will keep the undead at bay.

I hope you enjoyed these jokes. Don’t forget to keep it handy the next time you bond with family and friends. You will definitely get them laughing in a few seconds with this!

As we all know, Washington DC is the capital of the United States. However, there are a few little known facts about DC that many people would be surprised to learn. Click here to learn more.