Humorous Bear Jokes That Are Too Funny to Bear

Did you know that bears are big, strong and fast? Its weight does not interfere with its ability to cover short distances at speeds of up to 50 kph. Impressive! 

Impressed? Imagine how much fun these bear jokes can bring to your family and friends, especially if they’re going through a bear phase at the moment.

Additionally, bears are equipped with strong hind legs that enable them to travel short distances. Bears usually stand on their hind legs in order to see or smell more clearly what is in front of them. It takes advantage of bears’ ability to move in such a way that makes them appear to be dancing.

Want to read more animal jokes? See our page of jokes about cows, dogs, cats, monkeys and among many others.

Funny Bear Jokes and Puns

  • What do you call a grizzly bear inside a phone booth?
    • Stuck!
  • If you cross a grizzly bear with a harp, what do you get?
    • A bear faced lyre!
  • Wet bear, what do you call it?
    • A drizzly bear.
  • What does a bear with crooked teeth need?
    • Bear-aces. 
  • What was the scary movie the bear refused to watch?
    • The Bear Witch Project.
  • If a bear doesn’t have teeth, what do you call him?
    • A gummy bear.
  • How come bears have fur coats?
    • Because they look silly wearing kagoules!
  • Why do bears not eat fast food?
    • Because they can’t catch it!
  • Without a fishing rod, how can you catch fish?
    • With you bear hands.
  • When it rains, what do bears do?
    • They get wet.
  • What’s wrong with wrestling with bears?
    • The pain is unbearable.
  • How about a bear’s favorite after-school activity?
    • Cub Scouts!
  • You shouldn’t take a bear to the zoo, so why not?
    • Because they’d rather go to the movies.
  • How can you tell whether a bear is moving?
    • They put up a ‘fur sale’ sign up.
  • A bear without ears, what would you call it?
    • A b.
  • What did the bear say after looking at the GPS?
    • “Give me a second to get my bearings!”
  • What kind of socks do bears wear?
    • They don’t wear anything! They go bear-foot.
  • The sloth got fired from his job for what?
    • He would only do the bear minimum
  • What is a bear’s favorite beverage?
    • Koka-Koala!
  • Why was the bear an ideal candidate for the job?
    • He had all the right koalifications!
  • How about something small and cuddly and purple?
    • A koala holding his breath.
  • How come the koala bear wasn’t allowed to finish the race?
    • She had got dis-koala-fied.
  • Who is the poet koala bears admire?
    • William Shakesbear.
  • If you apologize to a koala, how do you do it?
    • Bear your heart and soul to them.
  • If a bear has a bad attitude, what do you call him?
    • The bearer of bad news.
  • Who would you name a bear that practices dentistry?
    • A molar bear.
  • The panda packed what for her journey?
    • The bear necessities.
  • How does one fry a black-and-white bear?
    • With a pan-duh!
  • Pandas love pudding, so why do they love it so much?
    • Blue-Beary Pie. 
  • Why did the little bear get so spoiled?
    • Because its mother panda’d to its every need!
  • What’s black and white, black and white, black and white?
    • It’s a panda rolling down a hill.
  • What is it about panda bears that they like to shop at flea markets?
    • They get the best beargains.
  • What do you call a bear that jumps but never lands?
    • Peter Panda!
  • What do you call a panda that is confused?
    • Bamboozled.
  • Why do pandas enjoy classic movies so much?
    • Because they are in black and white.
  • Did you know that the word panda is only two letters long?
    • P and A. 
  • Why do polar bears prefer bald men?
    • Because they have a great, white, bear place!
  • Can you imagine what a polar bear’s favorite food is?
    • Iceberg lettuce
  • How do you refer to a freezing polar bear?
    • A polar brrrrr.
  • What caused the bear to dissolve in water?
    • Because it was polar.
  • How would you describe a bear that has extreme mood swings?
    • A bi-polar-bear.
  • When polar bears eat, what do they eat?
    • Ice burger!
  • What caused the two bears to split up at the North Pole?
    • They were polar opposites.
  • What is the method by which Teddies write to one another?
    • By bear mail, of course.
  • How does a Teddy Bear race start?
    • Ready, teddy, GO.
  • Why did God create only one Yogi Bear?
    • Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo
  • Why didn’t the teddy bear want dessert?
    • Because she was stuffed.
  • How does Pooh bear not get a date?
    • Because he is always talking about his honey.

Crazy Bear One Liners

  • The grizzly bear needed to stop the movie, but he couldn’t find the paws button.
  • Polar bears are cheap to feed- they only eat ice.

Over the years, bears have captured the attention (and hearts) of many people. The bear is one of the most beloved wild animals. For more than 30 years, World Animal Protection has sought to protect bears from cruelty and abuse in the entertainment and traditional medicine industries. Let’s all protect this wonderful animal.

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About the author

Eric Russell

Eric finished his degree in primary education. He is into geeky male joke topics. His favourites are Star Wars and Chuck Norris.

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