San Francisco Jokes That Will Make You Groan With Laughter

As one of the largest US cities, San Francisco has many attractions. It has a rich history, a beautiful skyline and a home of the San Francisco 49ers.

San Francisco has a lot of beautiful sights and a lot of colorful characters, so it’s no surprise that it is a great source of funny things and jokes.

Discover the funniest San Francisco jokes, one of the world’s most beautiful cities. Have fun and Enjoy!

Humorous San Francisco Jokes and Puns

  • What was the purpose of the ladder brought to work by the tech entrepreneur in San Francisco?
    • Because they heard the job market was “up and coming”!
  • Which sandwich is San Franciscans’ favorite?
    • A “Silicon Valley” wrap, of course!
  • What is the best way to spot a tourist in San Francisco?
    • They’re the ones trying to use an umbrella against the wind.
  • In San Francisco, why did the hipster refuse to take public transportation?
    • Because they didn’t want to be caught “underground.”
  • Can you tell the difference between San Francisco’s weather and a roller coaster?
    • The roller coaster eventually comes to an end.
  • Have you heard about the San Francisco coffee shop that charges extra for Wi-Fi?
    • It’s called “DataBucks.”
  • Do the post office and the San Francisco 49ers have anything in common?
    • They don’t deliver on Sunday.
  • How do you refer to forty German naysayers from San Francisco?
    • The San Francisco Forty Neiners
  • Where can you find hungry 49ers?
    • The golden arches.
  • What is the favorite card game of Niners fans?
    • Golden Gate Bridge.
  • How did 49ers fans feel about the new lights at Levi’s Stadium?
    • They gave them GLOWING reviews.
  • Have you heard about the albino clairvoyant master hypnotist from San Francisco?
    • He was a super pallid Cali mystic, expert at hypnosis.
  • What is the reason for the cold weather in San Francisco?
    • Giant fans.
  • What is the best way to leave San Francisco?
    • Go straight.
  • How do you refer to a seagull living in San Francisco?
    • A baygull.
  • The Golden Gate Bridge was built in 10 days by 10 workers.  How long would it take 5 workers to build the same bridge?
    • None—it’s already built!
  • How do you refer to someone who makes cakes in San Francisco?
    • A BAYYYYker.
  • Why does Karl the Fog only visit San Francisco?
    • Because he’s a monoga-mist.
  • If you shorten the Golden Gate Bridge…
    • is it now abridged?
  • If someone drives over the Golden Gate Bridge without paying the toll…
    • does that make them a truss-passer?
  • What is everyone in San Francisco eating during the COVID-19 quarantine?
    • Rice-a-rona.
  • How do you spot a native San Franciscan at a party?
    • Just wait, they’ll tell you when they introduce themselves.
  • Is there a connection between the San Francisco Giants and possums?
    • Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
  • Did you hear the San Francisco Giants are moving to the Philippines?
    • They are going to be called the Manilla Folders!
  • What Marvel character grew up in San Francisco and played baseball in Tampa?
    • Bay-to-Ray Bill.
  • How come the San Francisco Giants’ starting pitchers are like orphans?
    • Because they don’t know where home is!

Crazy San Francisco Short-Liners

  • The guys here in San Francisco are all really nice.
    • They keep asking if they can push my stool in.
    • Even when I’m already sitting down or there are no chairs around.
  • When you drop your wallet in San Francisco,
    • kick it to San Jose, before you pick it up.
  • Last Tuesday, customs officials seized 20 giant centipedes at San Francisco’s airport.
    • They said, “There’s just not enough leg room in the airplane”.
  • San Francisco:
    • MoMa-ney, Mo’ Problems.
  • Unfortunately, the Spanish were the first Europeans to settle in what is now San Francisco.
    • It would have been an ideal location for the Quakers.
  • San Francisco has so many gay bars;
    • It’s hard to keep them all straight.
  • The Golden Gate Bridge’s sign reads:
    • “Now entering San Francisco, chains required… whips optional”
  • Whenever I see the Golden Gate Bridge,
    • my heart just ex-spans.
  • I’m visiting a friend in San Francisco.
    • We’re looking for Hyde Park but can’t seem to find it.
  • When your co-worker tells you that he/she has eight body piercings but none are visible,
    • you know you live in San Francisco.
  • Any woman with a George Clooney haircut is not a tourist when you live in San Francisco.
  • If a visitor complains about the smell of piss on the streets, tell them “You’re in San Francisco!”
    • Spoiler: You’re in = Urine

San Francisco Facts Quiz

Author’s Note

So you’re in San Francisco and you’re looking for some good jokes to tell your friends back home, or maybe you just want to impress the locals with your wit. 

Thank you for checking out our collection of San Francisco jokes. Let us know if you think we missed any. Feel free to share them here in the comments.

FunnyJokesToday has the best puns! You might like Country puns and Texas jokes, or if you want something different, you may also like Dating me is like jokes that keep you laughing all day long.

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Megha Sharma

Megha is the heart of - When waking up in the morning, her first thought always is how to create a smile on someone's face before breakfast. Her passion are jokes for the youngest and about animals.

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