Quarantine Jokes That Will Ease Your Fears

You know the feeling. You’re sitting at home, watching TV when you hear an announcement that there is an outbreak of some scary virus in your area. That’s it! You’ve had enough! 

Your heart starts pounding and your stomach turns as you start to gather your things into a bag so that you can escape the area before it’s too late. What should you do? I have just the answer for you: Quarantine jokes! These funny quarantine jokes will help ease your fears and make this time in history a little more bearable for all of us.

Funny Quarantine Puns & Remarks

  • During quarantine, my routine is very simple: I wake up and go insane.
  • It’s like having an insane parrot glued to your shoulder to be quarantined with a talkative child.
  • The World Health Organization announced that dogs cannot contract COVID-19 and can now be released from quarantine. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.
  • Now that everyone is in quarantine, we’ll probably only tell each other inside jokes.
  • When you bought 144 rolls of toilet paper for a 14-day quarantine, you probably should have seen a doctor long before Coronavirus.
  • The comment “I wouldn’t touch them with a six-foot pole” never occurred to me that it would become a national policy, but here we are!
  • I’ve wanted to clean my house thoroughly for years but couldn’t because of a lack of time, but I discovered this week that wasn’t the case.
  • Yoga instructors now have a “nama stay at home” order.
  • A Coronavirus has infected Chuck Norris. The virus is now in quarantine for 14 days.
  • My husband bought a world map and said, “Throw it and wherever it lands, that’s where I’ll take you when this pandemic is over.” As it turns out, we’re spending two weeks behind the fridge.
  • Make sure your jeans fit every few days. Pajamas will have you believing all is well in the kingdom.
  • I’ll tell you a Coronavirus joke right now, but you’ll have to wait two weeks to see if you get it.
  • The pandemic pick-up line: “You can’t spell quarantine without ‘U R A Q T.'”
  • Quarantine has turned us into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We’re told “no” if we get too close to strangers. And we’re enthralled by car rides.
  • Comedy has been hurt by quarantine. For months, nobody has stepped into a bar.
  • My mother always told me I wouldn’t be able to accomplish anything if I stayed in bed all day. But look at me now, mom! I’m saving the world!
  • I never imagined that I would consume more alcohol from my hands than I do from my mouth someday.
  • Your stimulus check can be used to buy baby chicks for free, so you get the money and the chicks for nothing.
  • In response to COVID-19, I washed my hands so frequently that my exam notes from 1995 appeared on the surface.
  • When we get out of quarantine, I want to buy some cans of coke and go somewhere. It’s like Mini-soda.
  • Since I won’t be able to see you on your birthday this year, I am sending you this virtual gift.
  • There are so many Coronavirus jokes out there, it’s like a pundemic.

Humorous Quarantine Jokes

  • During quarantine, what types of jokes are allowed? Inside jokes!
  • What’s the weather like today? Room temperature.
  • Cannibals die of COVID-19 for what reason? Too many handshakes.
  • COVID-19’s favorite chord progression is? A plague-al cadence.
  • If you wake up late for work and realize you have a fever, what do you tell yourself? Self, I so late.
  • Nine months from now, what will we call the babies born? Children of the Quarn.
  • How did the man respond to the bartender? I’ll have a corona, hold the virus.
  • Nine months from now, what will happen in 2033 if there’s a baby boom? There will be a lot of quaranteens.
  • Compared to Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, what is the COVID-19 like? One’s a coronavirus and the other is a Verona crisis.

Laughing at these jokes is a nice break from the seriousness of the pandemic. It will  help ease your worries by relating some funny quarantine jokes that will have you chuckling while reminding us to be mindful and careful throughout this period.

We will continue to share funny jokes with you that are sure to make you  laugh. Check out these humorous jokes.

If you want more puns, visit our entire collection of Funny Jokes Today.

You can manage anxiety, boost productivity, and stay connected to others during quarantine by following these six steps.

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About the author

Megha Sharma

Megha is the heart of funnyjokestoday.com - When waking up in the morning, her first thought always is how to create a smile on someone's face before breakfast. Her passion are jokes for the youngest and about animals.

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