Funniest Nerd Jokes That Will Make You Laugh Until Your Eyes Water

Nerd jokes are often considered the funniest of all jokes. They are not only hilarious, but they also make you laugh until your eyes water! 

The best part is that they’re easy to come up with because nerds have such quirky personalities. Here’s a list of the best nerd jokes for when you need a good laugh.

Best Nerd Jokes for All Ages

  • Why did the computer apply for a job?
    • It wanted to quit its byte-sized job and find something with a bit more byte!
  • How do you console a grammar nerd?
    • Say, “There, their, they’re, it’s going to be okay.”
  • Why don’t programmers ever venture into nature?
    • It has too many bugs!
  • What’s a computer’s all-time favorite snack?
    • Microchips!
  • Why did the photon decline to check a suitcase at the airport?
    • Because it was traveling light!
  • How many ears does Captain Kirk boast?
    • Three: a left ear, a right ear, and a final front ear!
  • In a bar, the present, past, and future walked together.
    • It was tense.
  • It all started on a roof when two antennae met, fell in love and married.
    • However, the reception was excellent and the ceremony was nothing special.
  • It’s never a good idea to leave alphabet soup on the stove and go out.
  • It could be a disaster.
  • There are 10 different types of people in the world.
    • Those who understand binary and those who don’t.
  • There is so much that parallel lines have in common.
    • Sadly, they may never meet.
  • I am reading a book about anti-gravity.
    • I can’t put it down.
  • Did you hear about the pregnant woman who could not hold back her cries when she went into labor?
    • She shouted, “Couldn’t! Wouldn’t! Shouldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!?
    • She was experiencing contractions.
  • Have you heard of the band 1023MB?
    • Although they’re not bad, they haven’t had any gigs yet.
  • What do you say to a grammar nazi to comfort him?
    • “There, their, they’re.”
  • Are there any differences between a cat and a comma?
    • One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.
  • Compared to a steak, why do burgers have less energy?
    • Because burgers are in their ground state.
  • What makes it important to not date an apostrophe?
    • They’re too possessive.
  • Is there a place where Bad Light ends up?
    • In prism.
  • How do you refer to Santa’s little helpers?
    • Subordinate clauses.
  • How does a proud computer refer to his son?
    • A microchip off the old block. 
  • What could be the first derivative of a cow?
    • Prime rib.
  • When the sister cell stepped in his toe, what did one cell say to the sister cell?
    • Ouch, Mitosis! 
  • When the verb conjugates the noun, what happens?
    • The noun declined.
  • What is a microbiologist who knows six languages and has visited 30 countries called?
    • A man of many cultures.
  • Is there a difference between a Ph.D. in mathematics and a large pizza?
    • One large pizza can feed a family of four.
  • You get what if you cross a cow with an octopus?
    • A meeting with your ethics committee and the swift removal of your research funding.
  • What is an educated Tube called?
    • A graduated cylander. 
  • On a particular evening a woman and a man walked into the bar and left. Who remained?
    • The night.
  • Why do Java programmers need to wear glasses?
    • Because they don’t C#.
  • What are the reasons cats cannot work on computers?
    • They get distracted chasing the mouse around. 
  • What exactly did E.T.’s mom say to him when he got home?
    • “Where on Earth have you been?!”
  • What is a programmer from Finland called?
    • Nerdic.
  • What do you get when you mix root beer with a square glass?
    • Beer.
  • How did the number 4 not get inside the nightclub?
    • Because he is 2 square.
  • When you take a computer to an ice rink, what will you get?
    • A slipped disk.

The Nerd Fan Quiz

Author’s Note

Nerds are really funny people. They often have a quirky sense of humor that is hard to understand, but can be hilarious once you get it! These jokes are all about nerds and their odd world. 

Would you like to laugh so hard that your stomach hurts from laughing? Check out some of our funny jokes.

If you want more puns, visit our entire collection of Funny Jokes Today.

Let’s check out some hilarious nerd pranks on YouTube.

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About the author

Megha Sharma

Megha is the heart of - When waking up in the morning, her first thought always is how to create a smile on someone's face before breakfast. Her passion are jokes for the youngest and about animals.

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