Los Angeles has some of the most innovative, creative, and talented people in the world.
It is also filled with the most interesting, quirky, and insightful jokes, puns, one liners and quotes.
If you are visiting or live in Los Angeles then this blog is for you. You will get a feel for the local culture with this collection of funny Los Angeles jokes.
Hilarious Los Angeles Jokes and Puns
- When you meet an actor in Los Angeles, what is the best question to ask?
- Can I have some more coffee?
- In Los Angeles, where is the best place to see falling stars?
- The Betty Ford Clinic.
- On Tuesday, how did the Los Angeles Lakers finish?
- Kim Kardashian’s chest.
- When the smog lifts over Los Angeles, what happens?
- Where can you always find free parking in Los Angeles?
- The 405 at rush hour.
- On the 10 freeway, what do you call grape jelly?
- Traffic jam.
- Why is “The Wave” banned at the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum?
- Two USC fans drowned last year.
- What is the best way to get from Eugene, Oregon to Los Angeles?
- Go south until you smell shit and east until you step into it.
- What should you do if someone freaks out at the Los Angeles International Airport?
- What are the similarities between Egyptian airport security and Los Angeles airport security?
- Both have LAX security.
- What do you get when you fight the Los Angeles Lakers’ leading scorer?
- Kobe beef.
- Where do ghosts in Los Angeles go during Halloween?
- Can you tell me where you find lost angels?
- Lost Angeles.
Crazy Los Angeles Short-Liners
- This year, there is a pretty good Halloween display in the Los Angeles Harbor.
- Everywhere you look is quite the freight.
- Recently, I started working as a forensic analyst in Los Angeles.
- The first thing I had to do was analyze some fresh prints in Bel Air.
- The best part of winter for me is watching it on TV from Los Angeles.
- To win the NBA championship, the Los Angeles Lakers defeated the Miami Heat.
- I’m curious if anyone watching was rooting for a 3rd party, or did you all understand that only teams were in the finals?
- Under the Los Angeles stay-at-home orders, I cannot see my mom unless we are shopping at the same Target.
- Most productions are leaving Los Angeles, according to the news.
- The fact that it took me an hour to drive 6 blocks downtown determines that is a lie.
- You think you’ll be able to drive anywhere near Hollywood today,
- you’re gonna have a bad time.
- It’s the weather here in California that I love, man.
- They get colder and we stay at the same temperature.
- Not sure if 55 Degrees is really cold or if I’ve been living in L.A. for too long.
- It rained in Los Angeles today! And the rest of the world said:
- “So?” And that was a fair response.
Humorous Los Angeles Quotes
- I live in Los Angeles. It’s a very liberal city, but it’s so hypocritical in what it’s liberal about. You can be driving down Hollywood Boulevard, see a guy in lipstick and high heels wearing a fur coat masturbating into a mailbox. People giving him a hard time as they drive by: ‘Hey, is that real fur?’ ‘Of course not! That’s sick!’
- —Dana Gould
- If Los Angeles is not the rectum of civilization, then I am not an anatomist.
- —H.L. Mencken
- Los Angeles is a large city-like area surrounding the Beverly Hills Hotel.
- —Fran Lebowitz
- It’s so crowded in Los Angeles these days. If you get a sunburn, you have to go to Glendale to peel.
- —Bob Hope
- I think the paparazzi might have chased me out of Los Angeles.
- —Nicholas Cage
- I do actually like Los Angeles. Partly because I was told I wouldn’t.
- —Hugh Laurie
- You can have a laugh in Los Angeles, or you can weep in Los Angeles, depending on your attitude towards it.
- —Miranda Richardson
- Los Angeles is a place where if you have the right person with you, there are all these little worlds that you would never guess by just looking at the exterior of what the city is.
- —Greta Gerwig
- Perhaps there is no life after death, there’s just Los Angeles.
- —Richard Anderson.
Even as darkness falls over Los Angeles and stars poke through the clouds, it’s not surprising that jokes, puns, one-liners, and quotes have been penned about this sprawling Southern California city.
We hope you enjoyed some of these fun Los Angeles jokes, one-liners, and quotes, whether you’re a tourist, a native, or just a passerby.
How well do you know Los Angeles? Check out this guide to essential Los Angeles trivia before you go on vacation. Find out what you know about Los Angeles.