Grandma Jokes That Will Make You Laugh Like No Other

Nothing spoils us as much as our grandmother!

When grandmas are around, we always feel at home. In the same way that mothers care for their children, they do the same for us. They wish us good luck and pray that we will succeed. The love they have for their grandkids is unconditional. 

In honor of our grandmothers, we have compiled a list of some funny grandma jokes to make her laugh and feel loved.

Funny Grandma Jokes and Puns

  • What happens if you don’t want to eat grandma’s dinner but get packed food instead?
    • The next day, grandma gets angry because her whole plan got foiled.
  • Can you tell me what happened at the costume party?
    • We dressed up as cashews, and grandma thought we were nuts.
  • Is there a similarity between a grandmother and a website?
    • You can’t deny the cookies.
  • Is there a reason why grandma was in a rush while making pasta sauce for her guests?
    • It was already 8pm and she was running out of thyme.
  • Is there a reason why grandmas learn languages so quickly?
    • They are always grandma-tically correct.
  • Grandma got more money from her bank in what way?
    • With a deposit slip and fall.
  • Can you tell when your grandmother is old enough to retire?
    • Instead of lying about her age she started bragging about it!
  • Grandma, you’re 105 years old. What’s the secret to your longevity?
    • “I don’t have enough money for burial services.”
  • What made the grandmother unhappy when her grandson became an archaeologist?
    • Because his career lay in ruins.
  • Is there a reason why grandma was so fascinated by the reversible sweater she was knitting?
    • She said, “I want to see how it turns out.”
  • When the thermostat stopped working, what did grandmother suggest?
    • Grandma told me to stand at the corner of the room, as they are always around 90 degrees.
  • Is there a reason why grandmas always smile?
    • Because they can’t hear a word you’re saying!
  • Across the room, Grandma yells to Billy, “Billy, who is that German guy who drives you crazy?”
    • “It’s Alzheimer, grandma”.
  • When his grandma gave him a scarf for Christmas, what did 50 cent say to her?
    • Gee, you knit?
  • I like Ouija boards.
    • It’s the only game I can still play with grandma.
  • When someone says “I love you”, what is the worst response?
    • “I’m still pulling the plug Grandma.”
  • Before the Internet, what did grandma and grandpa do?
    • I mean, didn’t they get bored?
    • I asked my 32 uncles and aunts, but they didn’t know either.

More Jokes You’ll Love: Alien Jokes, Clown Jokes, Bear Jokes, Cartoon Jokes

Hilarious Grandma One-Liners

  • I would rather die peacefully in bed, like my grandma, than screaming in terror as her passengers did.
  • Before she passed away, our grandmother said…
    • “I don’t mourn, so don’t keep the funeral too early.”
  • My grandma, 93, died peacefully in her chair.
    • Nice way to go.
    • The dentist was very upset, though.
  • “I used to make sandcastles with my grandma.”
    • Afterward, my mother would tell me to put back the urn.
  • My grandmother retired as a math teacher.
    • She is figuring out the aftermath.
  • My sister has put our grandma on speed dial.
    • I guess now we can call her Insta- gran.
  • Every time I see grandmas at weddings, they always walk up to me and say, “You’re next”. 
    • Well, I’ve started saying the same thing at funerals as well.
  • One day, I took my grandma to one of those spas where the little fish eat your dead skin.
    • It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
  • Grandma is 90 years old and she doesn’t wear glasses.
    • She just drinks straight out of the bottle.
  • In response to my request for “something Cuban”, my grandmother gave me a Che Guevara shirt for my birthday.
    • Clothes, but no cigar.
  • I told my Grandma to act her age.
    • She passed away.
  • I received a call telling me that my grandma only has one more day to live.
    • But I’m still not paying the ransom.
  • Son: I don’t want to go visit my grandmother, dad.
    • Father: Shut up, and keep digging.
  • Grandma has been staring through the window since it started snowing. 
    • If it gets any worse I’ll have to let her in. 
  • Grandma told me her joints were weakening, so I told her to roll them tighter. 
  • My grandma’s favorite saying: Life is the ultimate disease.
    • Sexually transmitted and terminal.
  • Grandma was a very strong woman. 
    • She buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping. 
  • Grandma has finally gotten my grandpa to stop biting his nails after 40 years. 
    • She’s hidden his teeth. 
  • My dear old grandmother always used to say the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach.
    • She lost her job as a cardiac surgeon because of that.
  • The fastest person I know who bakes cookies is my grandmother.
    • It literally takes her nana-seconds. 
  • Happy birthday to my favorite grandma and the only one I’d ever want!
    • In addition, I checked, and there are no returns.
  • Birthday Greetings to my grandma:
    • “You’ve done so much in your life, you’re amazing! Granted, you’ve had a very long time to accomplish it, but that’s a benefit of age!”
  • Grandma refused to donate her organs. 
    • She was buried with all her musical instruments.
  • If it’s meant to be a “living room”…
    • Then why did my grandma die there?
  • I was going in for an AIDS test when my grandma told me to be positive.
  • Grandma once said…
    • “Sometimes you have to hug the people you don’t like so you know how deep to dig your backyard hole.” 
  • You should date someone who spoils you, tells you how beautiful you are all the time, and never thinks you’ve had enough food. 
    • Date your grandma. 
  • Whenever the TV said, “tonight at 8″…
    • my grandma would respond, “you mean 7”. 
  • My grandma began walking 5 miles a day at the age of 65. 
    • She’s 92 now. We have no idea where she is. 

Having grandparents makes us feel like the luckiest people in the world. Learn how to love your grandparents and make them feel special in these 6 ways

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About the author

Megha Sharma

Megha is the heart of funnyjokestoday.com - When waking up in the morning, her first thought always is how to create a smile on someone's face before breakfast. Her passion are jokes for the youngest and about animals.

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