Laugh Your Way To Good Health With These Doctor Jokes

Everybody loves a good joke, but what about some good doctor jokes? Find out below. These will surely help you stay sane.

If you are a doctor and you want to take a break from the stress of being in the hospital, why not laugh a little bit? As we all know, laughter is the best medicine, and even a good laugh releases endorphins. They boost your mood, resulting in more laughter for you and those around you.

Comment below with your favorite doctor joke. Not only do we have funnies about doctors, but we have all kinds of jokes, from kid’s riddles, moving jokes to retirement jokes! 

Funny Doctor Jokes 

• The Dalmatian went to the eye doctor for what reason?
  • He kept seeing spots.
• The doctor told the rocket ship what?
  • “Time to get your booster shot!”
• Can an apple a day keep the doctor away?
  • Only if you aim it well enough.
• What do you call a student who got C’s throughout medical school?
  • Hopefully not your doctor.
• After swallowing some money, what did the man say to the x-ray technician?
  • Do you see any change in me? 
• Would you mind telling me more about the new do-it-yourself orthodontist?
  • Brace yourself!
• Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into his lens grinding machine?
  • I heard he really made a spectacle out of himself.

• After my bath, you told me to drink my medicine, but I couldn’t. Why not?
  • Well after I drank my bath I didn’t have room for the medicine!
• The doctor laughed at my X-ray. Why?
  • Because it was humerus.
• Can you explain the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist?
  • One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats.

• When a boat is sick, where does it go?
  • To the dock!
• What did one tonsil say to the other?
  • I hear the doctor is taking us out tonight!
• When do doctors get mad?
  • When he runs out of patients!
• Why was the pillow taken to the doctor?
  • He was feeling all stuffed up!

• What makes me want to become a doctor?
  • To stab people legally, money. 
• What would the world’s worst doctor say?
  • I hope not to mess this up again. 

Silly Ask the Doctor Jokes

• Doctor, doctor! I feel so ill, Is there no hope?
  • It depends on what you are hoping for.
• What did the doctor mean when he told the nurse to approach the medication cabinet carefully?
  • So she wouldn’t wake up the sleeping pills.
• Doctor, doctor! I think I’m a bell?
  • Go home and take these and if you’re not better soon, give me a ring.
• Doctor, doctor! I am always auditioning people. Is there anything you can do to help me?
  • Perhaps a little song or a number on the piano?
• Doctor, doctor! Do you have anything for my liver?
  • “Here is a bag of onions.”
• Doctor, doctor! I am feeling funny today. What should I do?
  • “Maybe give stand up comedy a shot.”
• Doctor, doctor! You have to help me out. Sure.
  • Which way did you come in?

Hilarious Doctor Short Stories & Conversations

• A man enters a doctor’s office.
  • A cucumber is up his nose, a carrot is in his left ear, and a banana is in his right ear.
  • “What’s the matter with me?” he asks the doctor.
  • The doctor replies, “You’re not eating properly.”

• In two weeks, the doctor said I would be walking again. 
  • And did he? 
  • Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill. 

• Harry went to his doctor on Thursday to review his test results.
  • The Doctor told him I had good news and bad news.
  • “Good news, Harry. You have 48 hours to live.” he told him. “The bad news is that I should have told you on Tuesday.”

• A doctor told his patient, “I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that you have partial short-term memory loss.”
  • The patient said, “Oh no, Doctor. What’s the bad news?”

• Dr. Smith asks his patient, “Which do you prefer to hear first, the good or the bad news?”
  • The patient replies, “Give me the good news.”
  • Dr. Smith says, “You’re about to have a disease named after you.”

• A seven-year-old girl came home and told her mom, “One of my classmates asked me to play doctor.”
  • “Oh no, honey. So what happened?”
  • “Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company.”

• Doctor: You are very sick.
  • Patient: Can I get a second opinion?
  • Doctor: Of course! You are very ugly too.

• Doctor: I have bad news for you – you have cancer and Alzheimer’s.
  • Patient: Well, at least I don’t have cancer.

• A veterinarian is the best doctor in the world.
  • He can’t ask his patients what is the matter – he’s got to just know.

• One mother complained about her daughter’s strange eating habits to her doctor.
  • “All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast and car wax. What will happen to her?”
  • “Eventually,” said the consultant, “she will rise and shine.”

• Patient: Doctor, I ate one of those ‘do not eat’ silica packets. What will happen now? Will I die? 
  • Doctor: Well, everyone is going to die eventually.
  • Patient: Everyone? Oh my God, what have I done.

• They tried to save him with an I.V but it wall in vein.

• Happy National Doctor’s Day to someone who convinced me that I wasn’t dying after reading a website that implied I was. 

• A little boy had a crush on his teacher, but she was dating a doctor.
  • Therefore, he brought her an apple every day.

• Doctors must receive a lot of unsolicited “sick pics” from their uninsured friends. 

• The nurse apologized for the long wait at the doctor’s office.
  • I told her, “No problem, I’m patient.” 

• I played hide and seek at the hospital, but they kept finding me in the ICU.

• Yesterday, I went to the doctor and was told my sugar was too high, so I moved it to a lower shelf at home. 

• My anesthesiologist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle before my surgery.
  • It was an ether/oar situation. 

Check out this funny video depicting the types of patients during doctor’s visit. It’s hard not to laugh!