You’ll Laugh At These Chess Jokes With Your Checkmates

Chess is a game that has withstood the tests of time, and is considered to be the game of all geniuses. The game has its origins back to the 6th Century and has been played by millions of people around the world. 

In chess, logic and intuition go hand in hand, and it is not just about making any move. But, there are times when we want to laugh and chess is no exception to that.

Chess jokes are a great way to break the ice among chess players of all levels! Here are some of the funniest chest jokes you’ll ever hear.

Chess Jokes and Puns That Are Really Hilarious

  • When chess players want to relax, where do they go?
    • To a pawn island.
  • What makes the white bishop piece the fastest in chess?
    • Because it’s on F1.
  • What makes artists so bad at chess?
    • Because they like to draw.
  • When the judge found the chess player guilty, what did he do?
    • He threw the rook at him.
  • What makes Brits so good at chess?
    • Because their queen never dies.
  • Is there a reason why chess bishops can only move diagonally?
    • Because north, south, east and west are Cardinal directions.
  • Is there a reason why chess pieces seem so uninterested?
    • They’re part of a bored game.
  • When the chess player spoke to the waiter, what did he say?
    • Check, please.
  • Is there a reason why the cowboy wouldn’t play chess?
    • He was afraid he would lose his horse.
  • Is there a place where you can learn how to play chess?
    • Knight school.
  • Chess players who belong to which group are the best?
    • Feminists. Their opponents begin with King and Queen, but ‘they’ always start with 2 Queens.
  • During the match, how did the chess player make money?
    • From a Discovered Check he found on the board.
  • The chess player slept where?
    • In a KING size bed.
  • Is there a reason why the chess player couldn’t move his rook?
    • He couldn’t get over the moat.
  • Michael Jackson can’t play chess, why?
    • Because he is dead.
  • When two chess enthusiasts brag in a lobby, what do you call them?
    • Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
  • In chess, what is Michael Bay’s favorite move?
    • C4
  • During a long chess game, what do hungry players eat?
    • Chess-nuts!
  • Is there a reason why chess players always have a lamp nearby?
    • Because they prefer to play at knight!
  • Where is a bishop’s favorite Harry Potter location?
    • Diagon Alley.
  • What is a chess player’s favorite kind of crisp?
    • Pawn flavored.
  • The chess player won the disco competition for what reason?
    • They had all the right moves!
  • Can you tell us what the Australian Chess player said about the mouldy bread?
    • “Stalemate.”
  • What is a chess player’s favorite starter?
    • Pawn cocktail.
  • Czech chess players call their friends what?
    • Czech-mates.
  • The pirates raided the chess tournament for what reason?
    • They were looking for treasure chess.
  • At chess, which knight always loses?
    • Sir Render.
  • To play chess, why did the chess player bring a pad of paper and pencils?
    • In case there was a draw.

Jokes That You’ll Enjoy: Shark Jokes, Baby Jokes, London Jokes, Bartender Jokes

Chess Stories and Short-Liners That Are Really Funny

  • My friend and I were playing chess and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.”.
    • So we stopped playing chess.
  • Whenever you forget the rules of Chess, don’t worry, you can check them.
  • “I have developed a chess program that mimics human play,” said a computer science student. 
    • “So it plays more natural moves?” asks the advising professor.
    • “No, but it does blame its loss on outside conditions!”
  • At a restaurant table, a guy spots an old friend sitting alone and lost in thought.
    • After a few minutes of talking, his friend said, “My girlfriend told me that if I take part in this chess tournament, then that’s the last straw—she’s leaving.”
    • Concerned, the guy asked, “So what are you gonna do?”
  • A chess game against an Australian is never fun.
    • Everytime he checks, you’ll think he’s won the game.
  • At the chess club:
    • “I am Black.”
    • “I know.”
  • In order to attend a chess tournament together, two chess players drove together.
    • After some time the driver had to check his street map:
    • “What do you think? Is it better if we take the main variation or the side variation?”
  • Chess is played between a policeman and a prisoner.
    • The policeman beats him.
  • The other day, I had lunch with a chess champion.
    • I knew he was a chess champion because it took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.
  • The husband arrives home late.
    • She: Where have you been?
    • He: I’ve been playing chess.
    • She: And why do you smell of vodka?
    • He: Am I supposed to smell chess?
  • By the street, two friends meet:
    • F1 – My wife says that if tomorrow I go to the chess match, she will take the children and leave me.
    • F2 – So, what is your plan for tomorrow?
    • F1 – E4, as always!
  • If I wanted to lose weight, my doctor recommended I participate in a sport 3 times a week for a month.
    • I think he’s a quack because I played chess all month and haven’t lost a single gram!
  • My last chess game went a bit medieval.
    • We both went for the castle.
  • The name Ingrid is a funny one for a chess player who is also good at checkers.
    • I’ve been learning how to roller skate and play chess recently. 
    • It’s like me and my king are competing to see who can fall down the most. 
  • The chess club is okay to talk about, I don’t know who needs to hear this. 
    • Nobody gives a thing about a chess club. 
  • Chess is one of my favorite game these days. 
    • It’s reassuring to know that some of my bad decisions only result in “piece” loss and not “peace” loss. 

These are some interesting facts about the game of chess that many chess players may not be aware of. From chess history to the longest game possible, these are some basic ideas behind the game of chess. We hope you find this information useful in improving your chess theory.

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