Funny Amish Jokes and Puns to Make You Laugh Until Dawn

Jokes and puns are a great way to make people laugh. You can use them in your daily conversations and interactions to help people relax. 

This blog lists some funny Amish jokes that you can use in your conversations with people. It also provides Amish puns that can make people laugh too. 

If you are feeling a bit down, you can even use these jokes and puns in the comfort of your own home.

Hilarious Amish Jokes and Puns

  • Why did the Amish man refuse to use electricity?
    • The reason was that he wanted to avoid being shocked!
  • Why did the Amish man go to the doctor?
    • It felt like he was feeling like a horse!
  • Why did the Amish man refuse to use the internet?
    • The reason he did this was because he did not want to become entangled in a web of sin.
  • Why did the Amish man refuse to use a cell phone?
    • Because he didn’t want to be tied down!
  • Why did the Amish man refuse to wear a watch?
    • He didn’t want to be a slave to time!
  • Why did the Amish man refuse to use a calculator?
    • It was because he did not want to be a number cruncher!
  • Is there a reason why the Amish don’t drink alcohol?
    • Because they’re always on the wagon.
  • Which dried fruit is the favorite of Amish people?
    • A barn raisin’.
  • When an Amish man puts his arm up a horse’s backside, what do you call him?
    • A mechanic.
  • What kind of music do Amish people like?
    • Tech no.
  • Why is Amish Gatorade different from ordinary Gatorade?
    • Amish Gatorade has no electric lights.
  • What goes ‘pataclop, pataclop, pataclop, ratatata, pataclop, pataclop’?
    • An Amish drive-by shooting.
  • Amish children are called what?
    • Omelettes.
  • How do you refer to a group of Amish witches?
    • A Dutch coven.
  • Could you tell me what the shortest book in the world is?
    • Amish war heros.
  • Is there a difference between an Amish girl and a water buffalo?
    • About 12 pounds of hair.
  • Is there a reason why Amish women don’t wear sleeveless dresses?
    • They refuse to bare arms.
  • In an Amish church, what do you call a beautiful girl?
    • A visitor.
  • What was the reason for the Amish woman’s divorce?
    • He was driving her buggy.
  • What goes clip-clop clip-clop clip-clop bang bang bang?
    • Amish drive-by shooting.
  • How do you fit 17 Amish in a VW Beetle?
    • Inform them that you will be attending the livestock auction.
  • What are the signs that someone Amish is an alcoholic?
    • They keep falling off the wagon.
  • To change a light bulb, how many Amish are needed?
    • What’s a light bulb?
  • Is there a reason why the Ex-Amish guy didn’t clean his new car of all the dead insects?
    • He was used to his transport being a little buggy.
  • Is there a reason why Amish people don’t water ski?
    • Because their horses would drown.
  • Have you heard about the Amish who run wild at night?
    • They’re Amish by day, but mennonite.
  • Sean Connery said what when he noticed there was no electricity in the Pennsylvania countryside?
    • “Shomething’sh Amish…”
  • Have you heard about the married Amish woman who had an affair?
    • She loved two Mennonite.
  • Is there a reason why you should always invite Amish people to your parties?
    • They know how to raise the roof.
  • To change a light bulb, how many Amish are needed?
    • None. Amish don’t believe in light bulbs. God will provide light unto the world.

Crazy Amish One Liners and Stories

  • Amish men aren’t buried with their beards.
    • They bury him with shovels.
  • Due to the rainy weather, Jacob wasn’t able to raise the barn.
    • Amished opportunity, if you ask me.
  • Amish Pick Up Lines:
    • Do you come to this barn often?
  • After missing the morning service, an Amishman runs into the bishop of his church.
    • “I missed you at service this morning,” the Bishop says.
    • “Well, Bishop”, the Amishman says, “I had some hay to put up. I figured it was better to sit on a bale of hay thinking about God than to sit in church thinking about hay.”
  • Coolio died today.
    • When he reached the Pearly Gates, he was shocked to discover that it was indeed an Amish paradise.
  • A survey was conducted online.
    • We found that out of the world’s population, 0% of people are Amish.
  • The other week, I had a one-night stand with an Amish guy.
    • He never called me back.
  • A crazy Amish strip club drew me in.
    • It was bonnetless.
  • It’s nice to sleep with Amish women, so I don’t have to worry about calling the next day.
  • I just made a scathing video mocking the Amish.
    • I can’t wait for them to see it. 
  • Yesterday, I saw some Mennonites playing baseball.
    • All I saw was a swing and Amish.
  • Sign behind an Amish carriage:
    • “Energy efficient vehicle. Runs on grass and oats. CAUTION: Avoid exhaust!”
  • Bob: Knock! knock!
    • Dillon: Who’s there?
    • Bob: Amish.
    • Dillon: Amish, who?
    • Bob: Really? You don’t look like a shoe.
  • I’m relieved to see Facebook finally expanded the Religion choice to include Amish.
    • For all those Amish people with computers and smartphones out there. 

The Amish Funhouse

Author’s Note

In the spirit of understanding and respect for different cultures and communities, it’s essential to avoid humor that may be offensive or perpetuate stereotypes. Let’s celebrate diversity and humor that unites us all in laughter, rather than humor that might divide or hurt.

No matter if you’re looking for jokes to tell at a party or just to brighten someone’s day, we’ve got you covered. You’ll laugh your way to a better day with our collection of hilarious jokes. Get your friends laughing with these funny jokes!

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About the author

Megha Sharma

Megha is the heart of - When waking up in the morning, her first thought always is how to create a smile on someone's face before breakfast. Her passion are jokes for the youngest and about animals.

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