Best Vodka Jokes That Are Enough to Tell and Make People Laugh

Vodka jokes are a good way to make people laugh and give a break from all the serious things in life. They can be used to brighten up the mood of anyone. 

There are good jokes on all sorts of topics, including vodka. Whether you are a professional comedian or just want to get a hearty laugh, these are the best vodka jokes to help you.

Silly Vodka Jokes

  • What did the bartender quip to the vodka when it sauntered in late to the party?
    • “You’re a little ‘distilled’ for my taste!”
  • How does vodka tackle decision-making?
    • It takes shots!
  • What kind of music does a vodka like?
    • Anything with a “spirited” beat!
  • Why did the vodka chicken out of playing cards?
    • It was afraid of getting “gin-shots”!
  • What’s a vodka’s go-to bedtime story?
    • “The Vodka Chronicles: Once Upon a Shot Glass”!
  • Why don’t vodka bottles engage in arguments?
    • Because they always see things “clearly” after a few drinks!
  • Can you tell us what drives you to drink vodka every day?
    • Nothing. I’m a volunteer.
  • If you’re in a hurry, what’s the best vodka to order?
    • Rushin’ vodka!
  • What do you call a bottle of vodka that a group of Russian coworkers share?
    • Team spirit.
  • Why did the alcoholic switch between vodka and gin so often?
    • He was skilled at multi flasking.
  • When someone from Finland walks by you, why do you never leave a Vodka bottle?
    • Because they will Finish it off.
  • What did the matryoshka dolls say when they kissed the Vodka bottle?
    • I feel like we are Russian things.
  • Jedis love to drink vodka. What’s their favorite brand?
    • Skyy. Only Sith deal in Absolut.
  • Why does imported Vodka have such a clear appearance?
    • So Russians can tell it’s not tap water.
  • Can you explain why vodka is so difficult to acquire in Star Wars?
    • Because only Siths deal in Absolut.
  • What is the best way to fix a bottle of vodka?
    • Turn it Smirnoff and on again.
  • Is there anything that rhymes with vodka?
    • No it doesn’t.
  • Is there a reason why the bartender only charged his customer for the vodka in a screwdriver?
    • Because as of yesterday, OJ is free.
  • As the stoner jumped into the vat of marijuana-infused vodka, how did he feel?
    • He was in high spirits.
  • When the bartender spilled the vodka, what happened?
    • It was an Absolute loss.
  • Is there anything pink and stiff?
    • Strawberry milkshake with vodka.
  • Have you heard about the Bell Pepper flavored vodka?
    • It makes you bell-igerent.

Hilarious Vodka Puns & Stories

  • In a Russian pharmacy.
    • Doctor: This medicine treats insomnia, this one treats nervous breakdown, and this one treats depression.
    • Patient: Thank you very much, doctor, but do you have any other medicine besides vodka?
  • I bought a bottle of vodka from an off license last night while riding my bicycle.
    • When I was about to leave, I thought, what if I fall off my bike and smash it, so I drank it right there.
    • My decision paid off as I fell off my bike seven times on my way home.
  • As the man approaches the counter, he says “One vodka please!”
    • The person at the counter says “Sir, this is a McDonalds”.
    • The man says “Sorry. One McVodka please!”
  • When a bartender walks out of a bar, he sees a shot of Vodka on the roof and says:
    • “This one’s on the house.”
  • After I stole Whisky and Vodka from this liquor store, the staff called the cops on me.
    • I don’t get it.
    • I was just trying to lift their spirits.
  • Women in their eighties attended a baseball game.
    • During America’s pastime, they brought a bottle of vodka to pass the time.
    • At the bottom of the fifth, the bags were loaded.
  • There is a man in a bar who orders a drink.
    • After taking a sip, he spits it out. “I paid for vodka, but this is water! Give me my money back, or I will sue!”
    • “How?” the barkeep laughed,”You have zero proof.”
  • Even though I don’t like vodka, a Russian friend always asks me to try it.
    • Well I guess if he insists so much, Soviet.
  • Vodka may not be the answer,
    • but it’s worth a try.
  • The other day, I took a shot of vodka.
    • The picture turned out pretty good.
  • I want to make a joke about vodka.
    • But first I have to Polish it.
  • Trump is like top-shelf vodka.
    • Expensive, Transparent, and wouldn’t be here if not for Russia.
  • Vodka isn’t a liquid.
    • It’s a solution.


It is a fact that vodka is one of the oldest spirits in the world, in fact in the past, in the Middle Ages in Europe it was traded at par with gold. There are endless jokes that revolve around vodka.

I hope you enjoyed these vodka jokes! There are plenty of funny jokes on this site that anyone can enjoy! Below are some of our jokes that you will enjoy reading and sharing too!

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