Philosophy Jokes You Kant Help but Laugh At

Philosophy is a subject that is known to be a serious one. Many people do not want to give it the time of day, and it is seen as a boring subject. There are many people that do not even know that philosophy can actually be funny. 

In this blog, we’ll be looking at the funniest ones that you are sure to love. These philosophy jokes can be used at that pub down the street when you are having a beer with a friend. They can also be used when discussing philosophy. Comedy and philosophy can be a great combination.

To find out why I’m right, read on! 

Funny Philosophy Jokes and Puns

• What caused the existentialist to break up with their partner?
  • Because they thought the relationship was devoid of meaning.

• Do you know what the Buddhist monk said to the hot dog vendor?
  • “Make me one with everything.”

• The logician broke up with their partner for what reason?
  • Because they thought their relationship was invalid.

• Is there a reason why the philosophy book was always so calm?
  • Because it had inner peace of mind.

• Why did the philosopher go bankrupt?
  • Because they kept giving all their change to the panhandler with the “Will philosophize for food” sign.

• Before eating dessert, what did the ethical utilitarian say?
  • “I should maximize my happiness by having another slice.”

• In a philosophy class, what are physics jokes called?
  • Blasphemy!

• A wolf who loves philosophy is called what?
  • A self-aware wolf.

• When ordering a burger, how does an art student differ from a philosophy student?
  • A philosophy student asks you why they would like potato fries with that.

• When people attend a philosophy and comedy convention, what do they do?
  • Laugh more than they think.

• What do local philosophy clubs have?
  • Free why-fi.

• When asked if his new baby is a boy or a girl, what does a philosopher say?
  • He says, “Yes.”

• What caused the solipsist and his girlfriend to break up?
  • “It’s not you, it’s me.”

• Is there anything Aristotle would say about a wife who is a good dancer?
  • “She is a prime mover.”

• What is the number of Marxists needed to change a lightbulb?
  • None. The lightbulb contains the seed of its own revolution.

• Is there a reason Marxists only drink horrible tea?
  • Because all proper tea is theft.

• What is Mind?
  • No Matter.
  • What is Body?
  • Never Mind.

• What is the difference between an engineer and a philosopher?
  • About 50,000 a year.

• Has anyone heard about the guy who went to the solipsist convention?
  • Nobody showed up.

• Zeno’s chicken crossed the road for what reason?
  • To prove it couldn’t get to the other side.

• What makes pacifists so bad at making jokes?
  • They don’t believe in punchlines.

• What’s the best way to get a philosophy major off your porch?
  • Pay him for the pizza.

• Is there a reason you can’t teach philosophy to a stallion?
  • Because you can’t put Descartes before the horse.

• Philosophy has what goal?
  • To remind how stupid we are. 

• What caused the teenager to fail their philosophy class?
  • Because they just, like, Kant understand.

Funny Jokes You Won’t Want to Miss: Paper Jokes, Cat Puns, Alien Jokes, Grammar Jokes

Hilarious Philosophy Lines

• Bought a reflective jacket. 
  • Descartes is written on it and sits in the corner.

• Philosophers don’t sit down while they work. 
  • Stands to reason.

• My philosophy course is over. 
  • Or have I?

• Kleptomaniacs don’t get sarcasm. 
  • They take things literally.

• I’m in love with a philosophy major who doesn’t even know I exist, and even worse, she can prove it.

• At a philosophy conference, I made a mistake. 
  • They asked me for a lecture on Daoism, but I misunderstood.
  • I talked about filial piety and deference to superiors instead.
  • I apologized to the Confucian.

• I am sitting with a philosopher in the garden; he says again and again “I know that that’s a tree,” pointing to a tree that is near us. Someone else arrives and hears this, and I tell him: “This fellow isn’t insane. We are only doing philosophy.”
  • —Wittgenstein

• The First Law of Philosophy:
  • Every philosopher has an equal and opposite philosopher.

• The Second Law of Philosophy:
  • Both of them are wrong.

• I passed my ethics exam.
  • It’s obvious that I cheated.

• Philosophy:
  • A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.

• In response to the hot dog vendor, what did the Buddhist say?
  • “Make me one with everything.”
  • What did the hot dog vendor say when the Buddhist asked for his change?
  • “Change comes from within.”

• Descartes walks into a café and sits down ready to order.
  • A waiter comes up to him and asks, “Do you need a menu?” 
  • Descartes replies, “I think not,” and he disappears!

• Philosophical joke for geeks:
  • Two behaviorists are lying in bed post coitus. One asks the other: “Well, I know it was good for you, but was it good for me?”

• Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?

• Nihilism means nothing to me.

• Apparently Karl Marx’s toilet plays music when it flushes because of the violins inherent in the cistern.

• Not a single one of the cells that compose you knows who you are, or cares.
  • —Daniel C. Dennet

• I want to stop philosophizing but I Kant. 

The Philosophy Trivia Showdown

Author’s Note

In the realm of humor, philosophy offers a treasure trove of witty insights and paradoxical punchlines. It reminds us that laughter can be the bridge between profound contemplation and delightful amusement.