Heart Jokes That You Should Never Miss A Beat

Hearts have become known as a symbol of love, and hence, the heart is often associated with celebrating love. Make your loved one’s day extra special with a heart joke.

Heart puns and jokes are never out of style. When you talk about love and relationships (which is always the topic of conversation), you can use them literally or figuratively.

It’s an easy way to make people smile, chuckle, or groan if you share some of these heart jokes. Prepare yourself for heartwarming fun!

Hilarious Heart Jokes

  • When the patient refused a heart transplant, what happened?
    • He had a change of heart.
  • How do you know when you are ready to play?
    • The moment when your heart is pumped up.
  • Is there a shade of red that works best for a heart?
    • Beat red!
  • The rock band that Cupid likes most is?
    • Heart.
  • What happened to the bear who had heart problems?
    • It had a Kodiak arrest.
  • What causes many skeletons to avoid important medical care?
    • Their heart isn’t in it. 
  • How did Herbie, the gardener, surprise his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?
    • A heart-beet.
  • Two hearts are better than one, why?
    • Because two hearts can’t be beat.
  • Why do so many musicians need heart surgery?
    • They play their heart out. 
  • What makes England considered backward?
    • There are no heart banks but they have a Liverpool.
  • What is the worst thing you can hear during open heart surgery?
    • Anything.
  • Have I told you about the time my friend had a heart attack while driving his Caddy?
    • We call it his Cadillac Escalade cardiac escapade.
  • Have you heard about the guy selling hearts on the black market?
    • He ended up getting cardiac arrest-ed.
  • When your heart sinks, what’s the best tool to have?
    • A Jack of Hearts!
  • When a cardiology student fails, what do you call it?
    • Heart failure!
  • Why did the skeleton not scare trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
    • He didn’t have the heart!
  • How can you win a man’s heart the quickest?
    • His chest.
  • Why did the pig suffer a heart attack?
    • Too much bacon.
  • What kind of vehicle did the heart surgeon drive to work?
    • A beater.
  • The dinosaur say to his lover what?
    • You make my heart saur!
  • What animal shares the most love?
    • A heartvaark.
  • What was the purpose of giving the pig’s girlfriend a heart-shaped box of candy?
    • It was Valenswine’s Day.

Funny Heart One Liners and Puns

  • It’s always good to keep a situation lighthearted with heart puns.
  • Bonnie Tyler has made a video all about cardiology.
    • It’s totally clips of the heart. 
  • To be a good musician, you need a good heart.
    • That way, you always have the beat.
  • Last week, I saw two birds who are in love.
    • They were tweet hearts.
  • You need to stick a baguette through the heart of a French vampire to kill him.
    • It’s painstaking.
  •  When I asked my heart surgeon out, he even sent me flowers!
    • But it was all in vein.
  • When he X-rayed his lower torso, a friend failed his medical exam.
    • He didn’t put his heart into it.
  • Someone said he was making stew with beef.
    • Turned out it was offal.
  • If you steal a heart,
    • can you go into cardiac arrest?
  • Marriage is like a game of cards.
    • At first, all you need is two hearts and a diamond.
    • In the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
  • Never break someone’s heart, they only have one.
    • However, it would be appropriate to break their bones, they have approximately 206.
  • My grandfather is a lion at heart.
    • And a lifetime ban from the zoo.
  • Despite my devilish attitude, I have a small child’s heart.
    • I keep it in a jar on my desk.
  • If you have a heart attack while playing charades,
    • it’s at the worst time.
  • My heart sank when my girlfriend texted me, “I can’t take this anymore, let’s end this.”
    • You can imagine the tears of joy I had when I received a follow-up message, “Sorry ,wrong number”.
  • In the past, I was asked what my heart desired, but apparently blood, oxygen, and neural messages were all wrong answers.
  • After I gave you my heart last Christmas, it was rejected by your system the very next day, resulting in your death.
  • My heart almost stopped when my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance.
    • Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
  • Follow your heart,
    • but don’t forget to use your brain as well.
  • Dear Heart, let’s stop involving ourselves in everything we do.
    • Your job is to pump blood, that’s it. 
  • I am so angry!
    • My son got tattoos of a heart, a spade, a diamond, and a club against my wishes.
    • I’ll deal with him later.
  • Alarm Clock:
    • Because every morning should start with a heart attack. 
  • I was planning on firing my cardiologist.
    • I just didn’t have the heart to do it. 

Hopefully you enjoyed reading this list of heart puns and jokes. We had a lot of fun collecting them, and now we have to stop ourselves from using them all the time! 

See more funny jokes below that are sure to make you laugh. Visit our website to find more funny jokes, quotes, videos, and more.

Exercise and a healthy diet can keep your heart healthy. But what else can you do to keep it in good shape? Discover 5 ways to stay your heart healthy every day.

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Megha Sharma

Megha is the heart of funnyjokestoday.com - When waking up in the morning, her first thought always is how to create a smile on someone's face before breakfast. Her passion are jokes for the youngest and about animals.

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