Wine Jokes to Make the Room Go Crazy With Laughter

When I think about wine, I think about silliness, fun, and laughter. 

No matter how serious one might look when drinking wine, there is always some form of silliness and fun associated with it. It’s true that there are a lot of jokes about wine that are worth sharing with friends. 

These funniest wine jokes will make you giggle and have the room in stitches.

Hilarious Wine Jokes

  • When the elephant stood on the grape, what did it say?
    • Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
  • Do you determine how much wine you will drink?
    • Take it on case-by-case basis.
  • What is the wine hangover called?
    • The grape depression.
  • How can you enjoy a good bottle of wine?
    • Open the bottle to let it breathe.
    • If it doesn’t look like it’s breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.
  • Are librarians fond of white wine?
    • No, they like theirs well red!
  • Do you know that wine does not make you fat?
    • It makes you lean… against tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people. 
  • How do you describe a woman with a glass of wine on her head?
    • A taxi. 
  • How do you tell if a man is really, really gay?
    • When he’s nursing a glass of pinot grigio!
  • How do women envision romantic nights?
    • Netflix and Chilled wine.
  • What does a woman consider a balanced diet?
    • A glass of wine in each hand!
  • Which wine pairs well with hard-to-please relatives?
    • All of them!
  • How much should you spend on a bottle of wine?
    • Maybe half an hour. 

Having a party soon? Looking for backup jokes? Check out these bar jokes, bartender jokes, and music jokes that are perfect for any get-together!

Humorous Wine Puns

  • Now you just wait a Prosecco-nd.
  • All for wine, and wine for all.
  • Let’s get fizz-ical with some Champagne.
  • Don’t worry, I’m an ex-port on dessert wine.
  • Let’s wine things down a bit.
  • Hakuna Moscato – It means drink wine.
  • Everything happens for a riesling, right?
  • You’re the wine that I want.
  • What is the best time to drink alcohol for women?
    • Wine O’Clock.
  • What kind of wine is served at the horse races?
    • Chardon-neigh!
  • Which wine is aged to purr-fection?
    • Mos-cat-o!
  • Have you heard about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
    • They call themselves the Sip-ranos! 
  • What type of wine is notorious for making you sleepy?
    • Sauvign-yawn blanc!
  • Do I like wine?
    • You bet Shiraz I do!
  • Are you aware that Pinot Noir is actually spelled Pinot Noi?
    • There’s technically Noir. 
  • How do you describe a grape that is anti-diuretic?
    • Pinot More. 

Funny Wine One Liners

  • Dogs have been trained to bring me a glass of red wine.
    • It’s a Bordeaux collie.
  • I enjoy cooking with wine.
    • Sometimes I even put it in the food.
  • I love drinking wine.
    • The more wine I drink, the more enthusiastic I get.
  • Can you tell me how much rent this amazing place costs?
    • “Ma’am, this is the wine aisle of the grocery store.”
  • I enjoy a glass of wine every night for its health benefits.
    • The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves. 
  • Today I made fruit salad.
    • I started with a lime then tossed it with gin and tonic. 
  • An empty wine bottle was found on the floor of the car, and the cop smelled alcohol on the priest’s breath.
    • Cop: What’s in the bottle, ma’am? 
    • Priest: Just water, I guess. 
    • Cop: Ma’am… That’s wine. 
    • Priest: Jesus did it again!
  • A good friend brings over a bottle of wine to share.
    • A best friend brings two.
    • One for you, one for me.
  • Whether the glass is half full or half empty doesn’t matter.
    • There’s clearly room for more wine.
  • It’s a sad story about grapes that should have been wine in every box of raisins.
  • It’s Saturday!
    • All you need to decide is what type of wine to have.
  • To cope with stress, I’ve learned to relax and meditate.
    • Just kidding, I’m on my third glass of wine.
  • First on my bucket list: filling the bucket with wine.
  • It will be great when I can drink wine with my kids instead of for them.
  • Did you know?
    • You can make wine the star of your dinner if you combine it with wine. 
  • Wine pairs perfectly with more of this wine. 
  • There is no I in team, but there is in Wine!
  • I hate pouring a glass of wine…
    • and then having six more by accident!
  • There are some things better left unsaid…
    • but eventually I’ll have wine and say them anyway. 

Do you know someone who loves wine? Is he planning a party? Find out what to give these 39 funny gifts to people obsessed with drinking wine!

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Megha Sharma

Megha is the heart of funnyjokestoday.com - When waking up in the morning, her first thought always is how to create a smile on someone's face before breakfast. Her passion are jokes for the youngest and about animals.

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