Train Puns & Jokes That Make You Laugh At Full Speed

Kids love playing with vehicle toys, especially trains! Do you have any little ones who share the same interests as me? It’s time to start the choo, choo, choo humor now that our kids and adults will enjoy! 

This is also a great opportunity to share interesting facts about trains with them. Did you know that there are two types of trains? The two types of trains include a passenger train and a freight train. Passenger trains transport people between locations. As for freight trains, they transport cargo to different destinations, both nearby and far away, based on the shipment.

Our train puns and jokes will be the perfect break to wind down and let off some steam, so sit back and let us be your conductor.

Funny Train Puns

  • Have you heard about the train that couldn’t perform?
    • It was a huge case of stage freight.
  • Have you heard about the Mexican train hijacker?
    • They say he had locomotives.
  • In response to the disinterested students, what did the train conductor say?
    • All a-bored!
  • When a train has a cold, what do you call it?
    • Achoo-achoo train.
  • Where did all the G.I. Joe fighters train?
    • At the “Yo, Joe!”
  • If 1+1=2 and 2+0=2, then Train+Whistle is equal to?
    • Two too!
  • Breakfast cereal rides a train where?
    • In the box-top box car.
  • When someone is sexually attracted to trains, what do you call them?
    • A tramsexual.
  • What does a monster see when it sees a train filled with people?
    • A chew chew train.
  • Have you heard about the train station for coffee?
    • It’s called An expresso!
  • To get her baby to eat, the mother steam engine said what?
    • “Here comes the choo choo train!”
  •  A train is tired, it is called a slowcomotive.
  • In the end, the truth was hidden in train sight.
  • Despite his busy schedule, the driver has never missed a day of work.
    • He’s always there, come train or shine.
  • A train can only think about one thing at a time, it has a one track mind.
  • Express trains are simply press trains that have lost their jobs.
  • I was told by my boss that I was the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?
    • I said, “I’m not sure; it’s hard to keep track.
  • At the weekend, I attended a railway fancy dress party.
    • I wasn’t surprised to see every person there was wearing platforms.
  • Driving trains is harder than it steams!
  • When you are at a train station, reading between the lines can be extremely dangerous.
  • I like to share a pun or one-liner about trains.
    • The joy of monorails has always driven me.
  • All brawn and no trains.
  • My job as a lightning rod and my job as a train operator were both terminated.
    • I guess I’m just a bad conductor.
  • My friend made it to the finals of the local model railway competition.
    • He lost on points.
  • Never again will I drink with train drivers. 
    • All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug, chug, chug, chug.’
  • I tried to tell my favorite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
  • We’ve got some railway buffers for sale at a great price.
    • It was an end of line sale.
  • A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway.
    • It was an ex-press train.
  • I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
  • Having been caught playing with my son’s train set, I threw a bed sheet over it, feeling very embarrassed.
    • I think I managed to cover my tracks.
  • Trains should never be trusted.
    • They have loco motives. 

Hilarious Train Puns

  • Is there a reason why trains take so long to arrive on Halloween?
    • They’re running with a skeleton service.
  • Have you ever heard of train conductors making great thieves?
    • They’re really good at covering their tracks.
  • What is the best way for a train to avoid detection?
    • It covers its tracks.
  • Have you heard about the guy who was fishing from a railway bridge?
    • He was trying to catch a train.
  • Are we going on another train ride?
    • You’re just asking for travel!
  • What is the best way to find a missing train?
    • Hire an expert to follow the tracks.
  • Is there a reason why the elephant refused to travel by train?
    • Because she didn’t want to leave her trunk in the baggage carriage.
  • What caused the conductors to miss the TV show?
    • They tuned into the wrong station.
  • Is there a reason why the train didn’t leave the station on time?
    • Billy the brakeman got a job as the engineer.
  • Is there a reason why that train engine was humming?
    • It didn’t know the words.
  • Have you heard about the first run of the new trains?
    • It went off without a hitch.
  • Is there a difference between a teacher and a railway security guard?
    • One trains the mind, the other minds the trains.

As we shared the funniest jokes about trains with you, I hope we made you laugh. Some of our favorites are below, so you can add them to your joke collection. 

Find out more fascinating facts about trains that’ll make your kids love them even more. 

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