Time Jokes That Will Make You Laugh in No Time

In this life, time is one of the most valuable things we won’t get back. And some of the most hilarious jokes come from the simplest concepts.

Yes, we’re talking about time jokes. And these are not your typical “where has the time gone” jokes. They are funny, modern and clever.

Take a look at these jokes to make you wonder and laugh. It’s time to have a lot of fun!

Funny Time Jokes and Puns

  • What is the favorite game of a clock?
    • Tic-tac-toe!
  • Is there a time of day when vampires are most active?
    • Bite-time!
  • How did the watch end up in the hospital?
    • Because it had too many “ticks”!
  • What is the best way to tell if a clock is hungry?
    • It goes back four seconds!
  • What is the favorite book of a time traveler?
    • “Gone with the Wind-up”!
  • How did the digital clock respond to the analog clock?
    • “You have such old-fashioned hands!”
  • What does an unwound clock tell its owner?
    • “It’s about time!”
  • Why do people buy so many clocks?
    • Because time is money!
  • When do most people visit the dentist?
    • At tooth-hurty.
  • Why is there a clock in the gazebo?
    • It was time out.
  • What are some ways historians measure clocks?
    • To know the beginning and end of time.
  • Why did the gentleman stop at the shop to buy a clock?
    • He wanted to buy time.
  • Why did man throw the clock off the window?
    • He wanted to see time fly.
  • What type of dog knows time?
    • A watch dog.
  • What would a clock look like with no numbers on it?
    • Timeless.
  • What is the time the elephant steps on the golf ball?
    • Time to get a new ball!
  • What time do tennis players usually go to bed?
    • Tennish!
  • What happens when you interrupt a clock?
    • You might just tick it off!
  • What do you call a clever clock?
    • Clockwise.
  • How can you tell when your clock is all hungry?
    • It goes back four seconds.
  • What can you call an orphan family reunion?
    • Me time.
  • What do you call a woman with an hourglass figure?
    • A waist of time.

Crazy Punny Pumpkin One Liners

  • My sister eats watches, but it takes her a while to get through them all.
    • This is a time-consuming hobby.
  • If you see a billboard with a picture of a wall clock on it,
    • it is a sign of the time.
  • For sale: Clock with half a face.
    • Only for a limited time!
  • I held my wristwatch up in the mirror and turned it on.
    • It was time for reflection.
  • I wonder why the historian measured a clock.
    • He probably wanted to know the beginning and end of time.
  • I heard a great time travel joke tomorrow.
  • My favorite time of day is 11:59:59.
    • It’s second to noon.
  • I always take my watch off before I share a secret.
    • Because time will tell.
  • I’m an alarm timer at the Halloween party.
    • It was really irritating when people were trying to wind me up.
  • I just bought five watches the other day.
    • I got a lot of time on my hands.
  • I found a job in a watch factory, and it’s pretty easy.
    • I just stand around all day making faces!
  • My favorite time on the clock is 6:30.
    • Hands down.
  • If the Leaning Tower in Pisa was given a clock face,
    • it would have time and inclination.
  • Yesterday, I asked if I could get off work earlier than usual.
    • The boss said, yes, if I made up the time.
    • I said “sure, it’s twenty past fourteen”.
  • I have a friend who was usually late until his doctor suggested he sleep in a herb garden.
    • Sounds odd, I know, but now he wakes up on Thyme.

Timeless Quotes about Time

  • Time is free, but it’s priceless. You can’t own it, but you can use it. You can’t keep it, but you can spend it. Once you’ve lost it, you can never get it back.”
    • —Harvey MacKay
  • “Time is a great healer, but a poor beautician.”
    • —Lucille S. Harper
  • “The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.”
    • —Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace.
  • “Time isn’t the main thing. It’s the only thing.”
    • —Miles Davis
  • “Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.”
    • —Theophrastus.
  • “Time moves slowly, but passes quickly.”
    • —Alice Walker, The Color Purple
  • “Time waits for no one.”
    • —Folklore.
  • “The key is not spending time, but in investing it.”
    • —Stephen R. Covey.

How Well Do You Know Time?

Author’s Note

Time is something that we all have. We also know that time is something that we all wish we had more of. But, time jokes only seem to have a certain amount of humor. 

Below are some of our best jokes that will make you laugh even more. See our complete collection of jokes, quotes, and more on our website

Do you have a problem with procrastination? If you do, then you’ll love this article. Check out the 7 ways to make better use of your time, so you can actually get things done.

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Megha Sharma

Megha is the heart of funnyjokestoday.com - When waking up in the morning, her first thought always is how to create a smile on someone's face before breakfast. Her passion are jokes for the youngest and about animals.

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