Police Jokes That Will Make You LOL Legally

Police officers are unsung heroes in our society. By putting their lives on the line, they protect the general public from criminals.

States and cities entrust the police with maintaining law and order as modern-day superheroes. In spite of that, we are still able to enjoy police jokes from time to time.

In spite of the fact that they are focused on serious issues, they aren’t devoid of humor. And who knows? Police officers will laugh like crazy at these jokes, or they’ll be an excellent way to break the ice when dealing with them.

Funny Police Jokes

• What was the purpose of the police officer bringing a pencil to the crime scene?
  • To draw their weapon!

• What made the math book so nervous around the police?
  • Because it had too many problems!

• A police officer who plays a musical instrument is called what?
  • A “cop-a-lute” player!

• Is there a reason why police officers never sit on the beach?
  • Because they can’t help but bring their own “undercovers”!

• At the doughnut shop, how do police officers greet each other?
  • With a “glaze” and a smile!

• The police officer went to the bank for what reason?
  • To make a “de-position”!

• When a police officer is sleepy, what do you call him?
  • An undercovers cop.

• Can you tell me what the four food groups are for cops?
  • Jelly, powdered, glazed, and chocolate frosted.

• When you see a policeman on the street, what do you call him?
  • Sorry never happened, too busy doing paperwork.

• In what ways are police officers and bullets different?
  • When a bullet kills someone else, you know it’s been fired

• What show features police officers solving crimes committed by garden gnomes?
  • Lawn & Order.

• The police caught a thief stealing a valuable lamp, but what happened to him?
  • The thief got a light sentence!

• In what ways are American police similar to the American Congress?
  • They only serve and protect corporate interests.

• Is there a reason why the officer gave the ghost a ticket?
  • It didn’t have a haunting license.

• What made the officer look forward to arresting the fastest hot dog eater?
  • Because the winner had been speeding.

• The cap was arrested for what reason?
  • It was covering for the marker!

• Black and always in the back of a police car, what is it?
  • The seat.

• Is there a reason why the family of the murdered baker wasn’t notified by the police?
  • He was a John Dough.

• The cops went to the baseball game for what reason?
  • Because they heard someone was stealing a base.

• In the entire world, which cop is the strongest?
  • The traffic police is the strongest cop in the entire world because he can stop even the biggest of trucks with just a wave of the hand.

• What kind of topping does a cop hate on his toast in the morning?
  • Traffic jam.

• Is there anything the policeman says to his belly?
  • You’re under a vest.

• Is there a reason why police officers have numbers?
  • In case they get lost.

• Is there a reason why the police fined the cat?
  • It’s littered!

• What is the grammar police’s role?
  • Correction officers!

• The coffee called the police for what reason?
  • It got mugged!

• Did the policeman say anything to his dinner?
  • ‘Irish stew in the name of the law!’

• Did you hear about the Miami Dade police department’s toilets being stolen?
  • The cops have nothing to go on.

• What’s the difference between a pizza delivery guy and a police officer?
  • Pizza guys get punished for not doing their jobs properly.

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Silly Police Puns

• What do you call a female police officer who plays guitar?
  • She-riff.

• When a reptile goes undercover, what do you call it?
  • An “investi-gator.”

• When an officer has bugs, what do you call him?
  • Po-lice. 

• At the police station, what kind of photos do you take?
  • A cell-fie!

• Can you tell me how the hacker got away from the police?
  • He ransomware.

Hilarious Conversations With Police Officers

• When a police officer pulled me over, he said, “Papers.”
  • I said, “Scissors. I win!” and drove off.
  • Considering he’s been following me for almost 45 minutes, I’d guess he wants a rematch.

• Police Officer: Can you tell me why you parked here?
  • Me: The sign says, “Fine for parking.”

• Police Officer: Can you tell me how high you are?
  • Pothead: No officer, it’s “Hi, How are you?”

• Cop: You’re going to have to take a drug test.
  • Me: Cool, which drugs are we testing?

• When the police pulled me over for speeding, I said to him, “What am I supposed to do with this speeding ticket?” 
  • “Keep it. When you collect four, you get a bicycle.” replied the officer.

• Earlier, a man streaked past a bus stop where three elderly women waited, causing officers to search for him.
  • Police have said that as a result, 2 had a stroke and the third couldn’t quite reach.

• A cop pulled me over and asked me, “Where were you between 5 and 6?”
  • I replied, “Kindergarten.”

• It was told to me by the police that I would be arrested if I kept making bad jokes.
  • I stopped because I was scared I would end up in punitentiary.

• Police say the man fell into a combine harvester while trying to steal it.
  • Has been bailed.

• In our local IKEA, there is a mysterious crime spree going on.
  • The cops are having a hard time putting the pieces together.

• An accident involving a concrete mixer and a prison van is being reported.
  • Police are looking for four hardened criminals.

• I didn’t plan on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

• All of these jokes are so dark. I’m surprised cops haven’t shot them yet.

• Pro tip:
  • Poop your pants right before the cop approaches your car so he won’t smell the weed. 

• Sting was kidnapped this morning, I heard on the news.
  • Unfortunately, the police have no lead. 

The Ultimate Police Ethics Quiz

Author’s Note

Police jokes provide a light-hearted way to appreciate the hard work and dedication of law enforcement officers while adding a dash of humor to our lives. They remind us that even in serious professions, a good laugh can go a long way. So, share these jokes with friends and remember to appreciate the men and women who help keep our communities safe with a smile!

Take a look at these best tink tok compilations of funny cops. And get to know 45 fascinating facts about police officers.