Jail Jokes Will Keep You Laughing Until Your Cell Is Empty

So you’re sitting in a prison cell or sitting in jail, what happens next? You need to be able to laugh to keep your sanity.

Anyhow, I visited prison before and I’ve heard a ton of prison jokes. Some good, some bad and some really bad. But I’m here to tell you that jail jokes are a great way to pass time, especially in the slammer.

Funny Jail Jokes

  • Can you tell me what a prisoner’s favorite candy is?
    • Jail-lollipops!
  • When the grape was in jail, what did it say?
    • “I’ll never wine again!”
  • What made the scarecrow become a prison guard?
    • Because he wanted to “cell-ebrate” Halloween all year!
  • Can you tell me what game a prisoner enjoys playing most?
    • Monopoly, because they love the “get out of jail free” card!
  • What was the reason for the bicycle’s arrest in jail?
    • Because it was pedaling drugs!
  • In prison, how do prisoners stay fit?
    • They exercise in the “cell”ar!
  • Is there a reason why the photo went to jail?
    • Indecent exposure.
  • Is there a reason why the credit card was jailed?
    • It was guilty as charged.
  • At the AT&T jail, why did all the prisoners escape?
    • Because they had no bars on their cells!
  • What was the reason for the robot’s imprisonment?
    • Because he was charged with battery.
  • How did the parrot end up in prison?
    • Because it was a jail-bird.
  • In what way did the guy with a foot fetish end up in jail?
    • He got off on the wrong foot.
  • What caused the picture to go to jail?
    • Because it was framed.
  • Can you tell me what an inmate’s favorite fishing equipment is?
    • Jail bait.
  • Is there anything you give prisoners for dessert?
    • Jaily-Beans.
  • What makes the white guy the scariest prisoner?
    • Because you know he is actually guilty.
  • Imagine you’re a prisoner trapped in a cell. What is the best way to get out?
    • Stop imagining.
  • Is there a star who would go to jail?
    • A shooting star!
  • What is the best way to tell whether a football player has been in prison?
    • When he goes in a tight end and comes out a wide receiver.
  • Can you tell me where you can find a bunch of clowns who ought to go to prison?
    • Silly Con Valley.
  • In jail, what distinction does OJ hold?
    • He’s the first inmate with a retired number.
  • The skeleton went to jail for what reason?
    • Because he was bad to the bone!
  • What made the prison escapee stop at the carwash?
    • He wanted to make a clean getaway!
  • Is there a reason why female prisoners never stay in jail for more than 3 weeks?
    • Periods always mark the end of a sentence.
  • Facebook is like a prison, why?
    • You have a profile picture, you sit around all day writing on walls, and you get poked by guys you really don’t know.
  • What are the favorite building materials of prisoners?
    • Steal n cement.
  • Is there a reason why black people don’t pay rent?
    • Because jail is free.
  • What causes inmates to be so angry all the time?
    • Because they have bad cell service.
  • Who doesn’t mind being interrupted in the middle of a sentence?
    • A convict.
  • What is the connection between prison and the shift key?
    • They both turn your “o” into an “O”.
  • On release day, why do women’s prisons give out tampons?
    • Because all sentences should end with a period.
  • Which battery is a prisoner’s favorite?
    • Duracell.
  • How will prison life differ from playing for the Bills?
    • OJ will still have big guys opening holes for him. 
  • What do you call an inmate who is famous?
    • A cellebrity.
  • Have you heard about Falcon’s jail time?
    • He was arrested for fowl play.

Hilarious Jail One Liners and Stories

  • When a prisoner was released from jail, he shouted, “Yay, I’m free, I’m free!”
    • The little boy yelled “So what I’m 4 I’m 4!”
  • A lot of prisoners get drunk in jail, according to what I hear.
    • 24/7, they are in bars.
  • When an alcoholic wakes up in jail, he asks the nearest officer why he is there.
    • In response, the officer says, “For excessive drinking.”
    • “Great, when can we begin? ”
  • For 10 years, I could not even look at another woman after my wife died.
    • Now that I’m out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!
  • Prison may seem like a single word to some people,
    • but robbers consider it to be a whole sentence.
  • As an executioner, I often ask prisoners for their last requests.
    • When my last inmate asked for a high five, I just left him hanging.
  • Judge: I hereby sentence you to a ten-year prison term for your crimes against our citizens.
    • Man: That’s a long sentence. Can you reduce it?
    • Judge: Ok. You go to jail 10 years.
  • My brother, who stutters, is in prison.
    • Knowing that he will never finish his sentence is just heartbreaking.
  • Two prisoners were awaiting execution.
    • “Any last requests?” asked the jailer.
    • A prisoner replied, “Yes. I love music, so before I die could you play ‘Never gonna give you up’ by Rick Astley.”
    • And the second prisoner said: “Kill me first.”
  • A prisoner was told how he would be executed.
    • Needless to say, he was shocked.
  • Imagine laying out all of the blood vessels from an average size human body end-to-end.
    • You’ll go to prison for a very long time.
  • If one door closes and another opens, you’re probably in jail.
  • Prison is the only form of public housing the government has truly invested in over the past decades. 
  • One of my mates, Scott, just got out of jail.
    • He got out.
    • Scotts Free!!!
  • When my English teacher got out of prison, I wanted to marry her…
    • but apparently you can’t end a sentence with a proposition.
  • I received a phone call from my twin brother in prison.
    • He said, “So you know how we finish each others’ sentences?”
  • In prison, I’m going to change my name to mitochondria.
    • I want everyone to know I’m the powerhouse of the cell.
  • When my boyfriend makes me angry, I pretend she’s in jail by looking at her through the fork.
    • It heals me spiritually. 

Jail Facts Quiz

Author’s Note

Jail jokes can be a humorous way to poke fun at the idea of being locked up behind bars. While it’s important to remember that being incarcerated is a serious matter, humor can be a great way to cope with difficult situations and find some levity in an otherwise bleak situation. Whether you’re a former inmate or just someone with a good sense of humor, jail jokes can be a fun way to lighten the mood and make light of some of the absurdities of prison life.

Just remember to be respectful and never make light of someone else’s suffering. After all, laughter is the best medicine, even when it comes to jail time!

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