Drink Jokes to Laugh Away the Anxieties of Entertaining

Have you ever had a bad day at work and wanted to go to happy hour and relax? This blog is filled with funny drink jokes and one-liners that are perfect to use when you want to hang out with your friends.

One of the most important aspects of a good time is the people with you. You can have the most fun, or the worst time of your life, depending on who you’re with. Whether you’re drinking with a bunch of coworkers after a long day at the office or you’re out at the bar with your friends, we’ve got the right drink to share with your friends.

Check out these beer jokes, bartender jokes, and non-jokes that are perfect for sharing with friends.

Funny Drink Jokes and Stories

  • What do ghosts drink?
    • Boos!
  • What is the favorite drink of a depressed person?
    • Depresso espresso.
  • Can you tell me what Bin Laden’s favorite drink is?
    • Double Manhattan.
  • What are the signs that someone likes craft beer?
    • Don’t worry they’ll tell you.
  • Eight arms and a 60 IQ, what is it?
    • Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game!
  • When Dickens ordered a Martini, what did the bartender say?
    • Olive or twist?
  • Is there a reason a fly danced on top of the Pepsi bottle?
    • Because it said “Twist to open.”
  • If you tell Dakota Johnson a funny joke while she is drunk, what happens?
    • You get “50 Shades of Spray”.
  • What time of day do women drink alcohol?
    • Wine O’Clock.
  • What did the man with an asphalt slab under his arm order?
    • A beer please, and one for the road.
  • Did you hear about Pepsi’s new blonde-only soda?
    • It has “open other end” printed on the bottom.
  • What do you drink when you’re thirsty in dance class?
    • Tap water.
  • Can you name the favorite drink of a boxer?
    • Fruit punch!
  • Do you know what Karen’s favorite drink is?
    • White whine.
  • What is a math student’s favorite drink?
    • Probably tea.
  • When vampires are on a diet, what do they drink?
    • Blood light.
  • Where do robots drink from?
    • A Robottle.
  • How do astronauts pay for their coffee?
    • They use starbucks.
  • What is a tree’s favorite drink?
    • Root beer.
  • What kind of tea did the American colonists prefer?
    • Liberty.
  • When should you drink water?
    • Thirstday (Thursday)
  • In a bar, a tarantula walks in.
    • A bartender asks, “Would you like a drink, sir?”
    • Tarantula says, “Call me hairy.”
  • Math Teacher: “What do I have if I have 3 bottles in one hand and 2 in the other?”
    • Student: “A drinking problem.”
  • A Neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender how much a drink will cost.
    • The bartender responds: “For you, no charge.”
  • A skeleton walks into a bar and says,
    • “I’d like a beer and a mop.”
  • A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a drink,
    • but the bartender tells him to leave before he stinks up the place.

Crazy Drink Puns and One Liners

  • Since my doctor told me to watch my drinking,
    • now I drink in front of a mirror.
  • If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic,
    • does drinking fanta make you fantastic?
  • Yesterday, I was hit in the head with a can of soda.
    • Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
  • In this world, there are two types of people:
    • Those you want to drink with and those who make you want to drink.
  • Don’t forget the tequila,
    • if you’re going to be salty.
  • The effects of this medication may be intensified by alcohol.
    • I never know if this is a warning or a suggestion.
  • A scientist, an epidemiologist, and a doctor walk into a bar…
    • Just kidding, they know better.
  • A man was struck in the head by a soda can.
    • Luckily he survived because it was a soft drink.
  •  While drinking my Coke, I like to sing a lot.
    • My friends call me a pop-singer.

Funny Quotes about Drinking

  • If someone drunk texts you, appreciate it.
    • They are thinking of you when they can barely think straight. 
  • Alcohol is not the answer.
    • Alcohol is the question.
    • Yes is the answer.
  • Like a bear drinking honey from a beehive.
    • I’m getting really buzzed.

There are many ways to ensure you’re having the best time possible, but one of the most important things is to make sure you don’t take yourself too seriously. We hope you’ve found a few new jokes and one-liners to share with your friends and family.

Learn these 20 cheap and easy mixed drinks to make at home. Anyone can mix up a nice variety of quick and easy cocktails with just a few basic ingredients and recipes.

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