Laugh Your Ass Off: The Funniest College Jokes You’ll Ever Read

A college year is a time for new friends, new memories, and of course humor. 

We have all heard a bad joke or two at the expense of our teachers, classmates, and professors. College jokes are always entertaining to share because they often conceal a message.

If you are in need of something to entertain you or give you a chuckle, check out the following list of funny college jokes.

Insanely Funny College Jokes

  • How do you get a squirrel to major in art at college?
    • Show it some “nuts and bolts” of creativity! And maybe a few acorn sculptures too!
  • Why did the tomato turn red at college?
    • Because it saw the salad dressing in its “finals week” outfit, and it knew it was about to be tossed into a whole new world of pressure!
  • What’s a college student’s favorite type of math?
    • “Summertime” – because that’s when they don’t have any math classes, and they can finally “add” some relaxation to their schedule!
  • Why was the college library always calm and collected?
    • Because it had a lot of “quiet” knowledge, and it knew the importance of shushing loud study groups with a stern “Shhhhhh!”
  • How do you know you’re at a college for magicians?
    • They always have disappearing courses, and they’ll teach you to make your GPA vanish in a puff of academic smoke!
  • How can you tell if you’ve been in college too long?
    • Your parents are running out of money!
  • What’s the deal with the sun skipping college?
    • It has already reached a million degrees.
  • What did the buffalo say to his son before he left for college?
    • Bi-son.
  • What do college students travel on if Pilgrims traveled on the Mayflower?
    • Scholar-ships.
  • College Student: I have some great news for you, Dad!
    • Father: What, son?
    • College Student: Do you remember the $500 you promised me in return for me making the Dean’s list?
    • Father: I definitely do.
    • College Student: Well, you can keep it!
  • When I entered the house unannounced from college, I discovered my parents were on vacation and the keys had not been left behind.
    • No problem, all I have to do is talk to the door lock… because communication is key!
  • Interviewer: No matter what they taught you at university, you won’t need it here.
    • Me: But I was never in college.
    • Interviewer: Then you are not qualified to work here.
  • College students who join the paratroopers to pay off their student loans are called what?
    • Debt from above.
  • In college, what would be spiders’ favorite class?
    • Web design
  • Our English teachers seem like the most logical people in the faculty.
    • When things get tough, he always uses his comma-sense.
  • High school students can’t go out for lunch because it’s forbidden.
    • College students can’t go out for lunch because they can’t afford it.
  • Pot and my college’s football team have something in common.
    • They both get smoked in bowls!
  • Why could the moebius strip not enroll in college?
    • They were required to attend an orientation.
  • Is there a good way to save money while in college?
    • Use Happy Hour as your main dining option.
  • One day two parents were talking and one asked the other what their son was taking in college.
    • The one replied: He’s taking every penny I have!
  • To change a light bulb, how many fraternity brothers are necessary?
    • None. That’s what pledges are for!
  • What is the best place to find sorority girls? 
    • Dancing on top of tables.
  • What does it mean to be an optimist?
    • A college student who opens his wallet and expects to find money.
  • Are there ships that students study on?
    • Scholarships.
  • My local college has a program in which students can be employed in the campus bakery and earn their tuition.
    • This opportunity isn’t for everyone.
    • It’s run on a strictly knead-to-know basis.
  • I think college athletes ought to get paid for their participation in sports.
    • Except Tennessee.
    • Those are Volunteers.
  • One of my friends majored in veterinary medicine and minored in taxidermy in college.
    • “Either way, you’re going to get your dog back,” he says.
  • What do you get when you cross a student and alien?
    • Something from another universe-ity.
  • How come sorority girls walk three or five at a time?
    • Because they ‘can’t even!
  • Friends of mine from college are fellow chemistry majors.
    • I guess you could say we developed strong bonds.
  • What degree did the circle acquire?
    • 360 °
  • When I go to college, I will study Food Science, focusing on carbonated beverages.
    • My father always wanted me to become a fizzicist.
  • A parrot went off to college…
    • Pollytics was his major.
  • The slave went to college for what reason?
    • He wants to pick up his master’s degree.
  • When I was a student in college,
    • I studied history but those days are gone now.

The Campus Life Quiz

Author’s Note

College is like a roller coaster ride through the land of knowledge, where you’ll encounter both highs and lows but ultimately enjoy the thrilling journey of learning and growth.

Feel free to share your funny college joke in the comment section below, and let’s make each other’s day a little better. 

If you’re looking for a few good laughs… we got you! These are some of the funniest jokes on the web today. You’ll be laughing out loud in no time!

What makes college so different from high school? Learn more here.

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About the author

Megha Sharma

Megha is the heart of - When waking up in the morning, her first thought always is how to create a smile on someone's face before breakfast. Her passion are jokes for the youngest and about animals.

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