Chicago Bears Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter

There are always a unique set of football jokes associated with every NFL team. A notable exception to the rule is the Chicago Bears, whose puns will have you rolling on the floor with laughter.

When you visit your local watering hole, no one is more comical than the bartender who is quoting some of these great Bears jokes. It will be so easy to talk to him and leave with a smile on your face. 

These Chicago Bears jokes are perfect for any fan, and they will always have your back when you’re at a loss for words.

Silly Chicago Bears Jokes

  • What’s a Chicago Bears fan’s favorite type of music?
    • Bearoque! It’s the only music genre where they can “bear” to hear the same four notes on repeat!
  • Why don’t the Chicago Bears ever use elevators?
    • Because they’re terrified of being stuck between “floors” and having to bear with elevator music – it’s unbearable!
  • Why did the Chicago Bears decide to work at the bakery?
    • Because they wanted to prove they could “knead” the dough as well as they could knead opponents on the field!
  • What do the Chicago Bears and a one-dollar bill have in common?
    • They’re both easily torn apart, but at least the dollar can still buy a small bag of “bear” nuts!
  • How do Chicago Bears fans survive the winter?
    • They “bear” down and pile on layers faster than a quarterback can release the ball, hoping to stay warmer than their team’s playoff hopes!
  • It takes how many Chicago Bears to win the Super Bowl?
    • Only one, Walter Payton, and he’s retired. 
  • What is the process of becoming the coach of the Chicago Bears?
    • Be sly as a Fox. 
  • Do you want to hear a Bears joke?
    • Jay Cutler! 
  • What was the impact of the Chicago Bears’ hit on Brett Favre before he left the game with concussion?
    • So hard he sent a picture of himself wearing pants to a girl! 
  • Have you heard about the joke Jay Cutler told his receivers?
    • It went over their heads.
  • Jay Cutler can’t use the phone anymore, why?
    • Because he can’t find the receiver. 
  • Is there a difference between Marty Mcfly and the Chicago Bears fans?
    • At least Marty stops going back to 1985.
  • BEARS stands for what?
    • Been Enduring A Rebuilding Season. 
  • A light bulb needs how many Bears fans to be changed?
    • None they are happy living in Green Bay’s shadow! 
  • Why are the Bears happy to have Jay Cutler at quarterback?
    • Because they were running out of Rex Grossman effigies! 
  • After the Chicago Bears released Muhsin Muhammed, what happened?
    • George W. Bush thanked the team for rooting out Terrorism! 
  • What’s the difference between the Chicago Bears and the Taliban?
    • The Taliban has a running game! 
  • Chicago Bears and Chick-Fil-A managers have what in common?
    • Neither one shows up for work on Sunday. 
  • How come West Africa has Ebola and Chicago has the Bears?
    • West Africa had the first pick. 
  • The Chicago Bears and the mailman have what in common?
    • Neither deliver on Sunday. 
  • After the Bears won the Super Bowl, what did the fan say?
    • I was having an amazing dream, why did you wake me up? Dammit Mom!” 
  • How does Jay Cutler compare to a grizzly bear?
    • Every fall he goes into hibernation. 
  • When the Bears playbook was stolen, why was Ron Turner furious?
    • Because he hadn’t finished coloring it! 
  • How do you know that the Illinois State Police are seriously enforcing the speed limit in Chicago?
    • For the first offense, they give you two Chicago Bears tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them. 
  • What is a good way to tell when the Chicago Bears are going to run the ball?
    • Matt Forte leaves the huddle with tears in his eyes! 
  • How do you refer to a Chicago Bear with a Super Bowl ring?
    • A thief. 
  • What’s the difference between the Chicago Bears and the dollar bill?
    • You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill. 
  • Do Chicago Bears and possums have anything in common?
    • Both play dead at home and get killed on the road! 
  • Can you tell the difference between a Bears fan and a baby?
    • The baby will stop whining after awhile.
  • What do you call 53 millionaires watching the Super Bowl together?
    • The Chicago Bears. 
  • Do the Chicago Bears and Billy Graham have anything in common?
    • They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell “Jesus Christ”.
  • What do you do to keep the Chicago Bears out of your yard?
    • Put up goal posts. 
  • Why are so many Chicago Bears players claiming to have the Swine Flu?
    • So They don’t have to touch the pigskin! 
  • What can you do to stop a Chicago Bears fan from beating his wife?
    • Dress her in Packers Green and Yellow! 
  • What is the best way to casterate a Chicago Bears fan?
    • Kick his sister in the mouth.
  • If you find three Chicago Bears football fans buried up to their necks in cement, what should you do?
    • Get more cement. 
  • What is the difference between a Chicago Bears fan and a carp?
    • One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish. 
  • Which is the best method to train your dog to roll over and play dead?
    • Have him watch a couple Chicago Bears games. 
  • Chicago Bears fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards for what reason?
    • So they can park in handicap spaces. 
  • During the first week of training camp, what do the Bears do?
    • Studying the Miranda Rights 
  • Why are the Chicago Bears changing their name to the Chicago Tampons?
    • Because they are only good for one period and do not have a second string! 

The Chicago Bears Trivia Quiz


In order to have a good time, you have to lighten up. That’s why we’ve come up with these funniest jokes you’ll ever hear about the Chicago Bears. They might be about things you didn’t even know about the Bears. I know they made you laugh!

Check out this fun collection of jokes, quotes, and songs. They’ll brighten your day. Some of them are listed below. 

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