The Most Hilarious Bus Driver Jokes Uncovered

by Eric Russell  |  24 Feb 2021

They said, “Drivers are the better lovers” but for me, they are the best jokers too!

Especially bus drivers, they have the hilarious jokes ever!

They have this real power of humor and laughter that you need to hear while on the bus after a tiring day from work or even at school.

Enjoy our list of Bus Driver Jokes and don’t forget to share it with your family and friends.

Bus Driver Jokes for Passengers

Bus Drivers are one who transports you from point A to point B safely!

Isn’t it a bonus if they also share funny jokes with their passengers to lighten their mood while on the road waiting?

Yes, Definitely! Here are some of the collected funny bus driver jokes for you. 

  • A man trying to get on an overcrowded bus was pushed off by the people inside. “There’s no room”, they said. “It’s full up!” “But you must let me on!” shouted the man. “Why, What’s so special about you?” they asked. “I’m the bus driver”, replied the man!
  • Passenger: Will this bus take me to New York? Driver: Which part? Passenger: All of me, of course!
Bus Driver Jokes - Will this bus take me to New York
  • When you go for a bus ride, do you like sitting upstairs or downstairs? I prefer to ride on top, but it’s very hard getting the horse up the stairs.
  • Passenger: Does this bus go to London? Conductor: No. Passenger: But it says London on the front. Conductor: There’s an advertisement for baked beans on the side, but we don’t sell them!
Bus Driver Jokes - Does this bus go to London
  • Today was a bad day. First My ex got hit by a bus. Then I lost my job as a bus driver.
  • A man standing at a bus stop was eating a hamburger. Next to him stood a lady with her little dog, which became very excited at the smell of the man’s supper and began whining and jumping up at him. “Do you mind if I throw him a bit?” said the man to the lady. “Not at all,” she replied, whereupon the man picked the dog up and threw it over a wall.
  • Bus Passenger: I’d like a ticket to New York, please. Ticket seller: By Buffalo? Bus Passenger: Of course not, I’m in the bus queue, aren’t I?
  • Passenger: Conductor, this bus was very slow! Conductor: Oh, I expect we’ll pick up speed now you’re getting off!
Bus Driver Jokes - Conductor, this bus was very slow
  • I was sitting next to this really hot Thai girl on the bus and all I could think to myself was, “Don’t get an erection, don’t get an erection”… But she did!
  • A friend of mine got a job as a bus driver because… he was so good at telling people where to get off.
Bus Driver Jokes - A friend of mine got a job as a bus driver because...
  • Didn’t like being a bus driver. I was convinced people were talking behind my back.
Bus Driver Jokes - Didn’t like being a bus driver
  • My friend always went the extra mile at work. That’s why he lost his job as a bus driver.
  • Do your school buses run on time? No, they run on diesel.
  • I often get a 147 when I play snooker. It’s the bus that stops outside the hall.
  • I lost my job for giving up my seat on the bus for someone. Apparently you’re not supposed to do that when you’re the driver.
  • Which end of a bus is it best to get off? It doesn’t matter. Both ends stop.
Bus Driver Jokes - Which end of a bus is it best to get off?
  • Roger was sitting in a very full bus when a fat woman opposite said, “If you were a gentleman, young man, you’d stand up and let someone else sit down.” “And if you were a lady,” replied Roger, “you’d stand up and let four people sit down.”
  • A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
  • As the bus came to the stop, the man at the front of the queue took out his eye, threw it up in the air, and caught it before getting on the bus. An amazed conductor said, What on earth did you do that for? I wanted to know if there was room on top, replied the man.
  • I got fired from my job as a bus driver… Apparently, when you’re a bus driver, you have to stop every once in a while.
  • I decided to quit my job as a bus driver. It was driving me crazy.
  • Got my dream job today. I get my own 200 thousand dollar company car and a corner window with a view of the city… Being a city bus driver is a dream come true.
  • I got a job that lets me get dozens of women off every day. I’m a bus driver.
  • A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver. The little kid starts yelling, ” If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I’d be a little bull.” The bus driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continued with, “If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant” The kid went on with several animals until the bus driver got angry and yelled at the kid “What if your dad was a dumbass and your mom a prostitute?!” The kid smiled and said, “I would be a bus driver!”
  • John is late for a job interview for a bus driver… John: Sorry, I’m late. Interviewer: you’re hired.
  • An old grandma brings a bus driver a bag of peanuts every day… First, the bus driver enjoyed the peanuts but after a week of eating them, he asked: “Please granny, don’t bring me peanuts anymore. Have them yourself.” The granny answers: “You know, I don’t have teeth anymore. I just prefer to suck the chocolate around them.”
  • Bus driver and a priest died and went to the gates of heaven. There they were greeted by Jesus, who said that heaven is full and that only one can come in. So they had to wait for a heavenly decision. After some time, Jesus came back and said “Alright, we can take the bus driver”. The priest protested saying that he has lived a good life in faith, why should he not get to heaven? Jesus answered, “When you were giving speeches about the word of God, everyone slept, but whenever this bus driver drives, everyone prays”.
  • There was once a kind old bus driver who always tried to help out his community. A few days before he retired the bus driver saw a suicidal man who had jumped out into the middle of traffic. Being the kind man he was he ran over to help, then backed up and ran over the guy again.
  • One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus and drove off along the route: No problems for the first few stops. A few people got on, a few got off and things went generally well. At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six foot eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said. “Big John doesn’t pay!” And sat down at the back. Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn’t argue with Big John, but he wasn’t happy about it. The next day the same thing happened… Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day and the one after that, and so forth. This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him. Finally, he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff. By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what’s more, he felt really good about himself. So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said. “Big John doesn’t pay!” The driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and screamed. “And why not?” With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied. “Big John has a bus pass!”

Best Riddles about Bus and Bus Drivers

What do you think about sharing funny Riddles with the bus driver and co-passengers while on the road? Sounds interesting, right?

Riddles are perfect for all ages, they never go old!

Here are the funny bus and bus driver riddles you can share! 

  • Cross-eyed monster: When I grow up I want to be a bus driver. Witch: Well, I won’t stand in your way.
Bus Driver Jokes - Cross-eyed monster: When I grow up I want to be a bus driver.
  • What’s the difference between a bus driver and a cold? A bus driver knows the stops, and a cold stops the nose.
  • How can you kill an idiot with half a dollar? Throw it under a bus.
  • What do you call a man with a double decker bus on his head? The deceased!
Bus Driver Jokes - What do you call a man with a double decker bus on his head?
  • Have you heard that all the buses and trains are stopping today? No. Is there a strike? No, they’re stopping to let the passengers off.
  • Do buses and trains run on time? Usually, yes. No, they don’t. Buses run on wheels and trains run on the tracks.
  • Does this bus stop at the river? If it doesn’t there’ll be a very big splash.
  • A bus driver was heading down a street. He went right past a stop sign without stopping. Next, he turned left where there was a “no-left turn” sign. Finally, he went the wrong way down a one-way street. He didn’t break any traffic laws. How? He was walking.
  • What does Karl Marx, a bus driver and a sous chef at a 5-star restaurant have in common? Everything, if Marx had his way.
Bus Driver Jokes - What does Karl Marx, a bus driver and a sous chef at a 5-star restaurant have in common?
  • What do you call a bus driver who helps old people and parents with children on and off the bus? A stand-up driver.

Best Bus Riddles for Kids

Kids get easily bored, but what if you try something that challenges them while on the road?

Why not Riddles, a fun type of brain teaser that exists as a question or statement to be solved like a puzzle.

Have fun and share these bus riddles that are perfect for kids! 

  • Why did the bus stop? Because it saw the zebra crossing.
Bus Driver Jokes - Why did the bus stop?
  • Why did the bat miss the bus? Because he hung around for too long.
  • What “bus” crossed the ocean? Colum-bus.
  • What did the bus conductor say to the frog? Hop on.
  • How do eels get around the seabed? They go by octo-bus.
Bus Driver Jokes - How do eels get around the seabed?
  • What do monsters play when they are in the bus? Squash.
  • What sort of public transport do superheroes use? Bus Lightyear.
Bus Driver Jokes - What sort of public transport do superheroes use?
  • Why couldn’t the skeleton pay his bus fare? Because he was skint.
  • What do bus drivers put on their morning pancakes? Traffic jam
Bus Driver Jokes - What do bus drivers put on their morning pancakes?

School Bus Jokes for Kids

Anyone can learn and drive a car but it takes someone special to drive a school bus.

They are the first smiling adults every student encounters each morning and the last before they get home.

So bus drivers, why don’t you try sharing these funny jokes and riddles with your passengers to add an extra smile to their faces.

  • Why didn’t anyone take the school bus to school? It wouldn’t fit through the door!
Bus Driver Jokes - Why didn't anyone take the school bus to school?
  • Janet: What’s the difference between a cake and a school bus? Jill: I don’t know. Janet: I’m glad I didn’t send you to pick up my birthday cake!
  • What is yellow and can’t swim? A school bus full of kids.
  • What’s the difference between a school bus and my Dad’s van? Schools buses usually don’t have screaming and crying children!
  • Why did little Timmy drop his ice cream cone? He got hit by a school bus.
  • Your mama is so fat that when she wears yellow, kids run after her thinking they missed the school bus!
  • Teacher: Tommy Russell, you’re late again. Tommy: Sorry, sir. It’s my bus – it’s always coming late. Teacher: Well, if it’s late again tomorrow, catch an earlier one.
  • Why did the bat miss the bus? He hung around for too long.
Bus Driver Jokes - Why did the bat miss the bus?
  • What would you get if you crossed King Kong with a skunk? I don’t know but it could always get a seat on a bus!
Bus Driver Jokes - What would you get if you crossed King Kong with a skunk?

We hope that these bus driver jokes made you laugh and brighten your day. Never forget to share it with your family and friends. 

Since you reached almost the end of this article, am I right to assume you are looking for more laughable jokes? Of course, you do!

Here are my suggestions for your next read. I’m pretty sure you’ll love this!!!

  • Getting ready for your next airplane ride? Be ready to share these hilarious Airplane Jokes with your seat neighbor.
  • Did you already complete your checklist for the next travel adventure? Don’t forget to save these Top Travel Jokes to keep you entertained and laugh literally!

Go ahead to Pinterest to learn more about Bus Driver Humor Ideas.

Now, have a funny conversation with your bus driver together with your family and friends. Don’t forget to share your experience in the comments section below.

About the author 

Eric Russell

Eric finished his degree in primary education. He is into geeky male joke topics.His favourites are Star Wars and Chuck Norris.


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