The Most Hilarious Bus Driver Jokes Uncovered

They said, “Drivers are the better lovers” but for me, they are the best jokers too!

Especially bus drivers, they have the most hilarious jokes ever!

They have this real power of humor and laughter that you need to hear while on the bus after a tiring day from work or even at school.

Enjoy our list of Bus Driver Jokes and don’t forget to share it with your family and friends.

Bus Driver Jokes for Passengers

Bus Drivers are one who transports you from point A to point B safely!

Isn’t it a bonus if they also share funny jokes with their passengers to lighten their mood while on the road waiting?

Yes, Definitely! Here are some of the collected funny bus driver jokes for you. 

  • One man trying to board an overcrowded bus was pushed off by the people inside. “There is not enough room”, they said. “It’s full up!” “But you must let me on!” shouted the man. “Then I would ask, why? What is so special about you?” they asked. “I’m the bus driver.”, replied the man!
  • Passenger: Is this bus going to take me to New York? Driver: Which part? Passenger: Of course, all of me!
Bus Driver Jokes - Will this bus take me to New York
  • Do you prefer sitting upstairs or downstairs on a bus ride? I prefer to ride at the top, but a horse can be very difficult to get up the stairs.
  • Passenger: Is this bus going to London? Conductor: No. Passenger: London is written on the front. Conductor: You can see an advertisement for baked beans on the side, but we don’t sell them!
Bus Driver Jokes - Does this bus go to London
  • I had a bad day today. My ex got hit by a bus first. After that, I lost my job as a bus driver.
  • A man at a bus stop was eating a hamburger. Next to him stood a lady with her little dog, which began whining and jumping up at him when it smelled the man’s supper. “Would it be okay if I threw him a little bit?” said the man to the lady. “Not at all,” she replied, whereupon the man picked the dog up and threw it over a wall.
  • Bus Passenger: I would like a ticket to New York, please. Ticket seller: By Buffalo? Bus Passenger: Of course not, I’m waiting in line for the bus, am I not?
  • Passenger: The bus was running very slowly, conductor! Conductor: Oh, I expect we’ll be moving faster now that you’ve got off the ride!
Bus Driver Jokes - Conductor, this bus was very slow
  • A really attractive Thai lady sat next to me on the bus and all I could think about was, “Don’t get an erection, don’t get an erection”… But she did!
  • A friend of mine got a job as a bus driver because… he was so good at directing people where to get off.
Bus Driver Jokes - A friend of mine got a job as a bus driver because...
  • The bus driver wasn’t fun. I felt that people were talking behind my back. 
Bus Driver Jokes - Didn’t like being a bus driver
  • At work, my friend had always gone the extra mile. This is why he lost his job as a bus driver.
  • Do your school buses run on time? No, they run on diesel.
  • During my snooker sessions, I often rack up 147s. It’s the bus that runs right outside the hall.
  • As a result of my giving up my seat on the bus for someone else, I lost my job. Apparently you’re not supposed to do that when you’re the driver.
  • At which end of the bus is it best to get off? It doesn’t matter. Both ends stop.
Bus Driver Jokes - Which end of a bus is it best to get off?
  • One of the women said to the young man, “If you were a gentleman, you would stand up and let someone else sit down.” “If you were a lady, you’d stand up and let four people sit down.” replied Roger.
  • A woman and her baby get on a bus. The driver says: “Ugh, most unattractive baby I have ever seen!” The woman walks back to the back of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “Tell him to get lost. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
  • Before the bus’s driver could board, the man at the front of the queue removed his eye, threw it up in the air, and caught it. “What on earth are you doing that for?” he asked the conductor. I wanted to know if there was room on top, replied the man.
  • I was fired from my job as a bus driver… You have to halt every once in a while when you’re a bus driver.
  • I quit my job as a bus driver. It was driving me to madness.
  • Just got my dream job today. I get my own company car with a value of $200,000. In addition, I get a corner office with a view of the city… Being a city bus driver is a dream come true.
  • At my new job, I can fire up to a dozen women every day. I’m a bus driver.
  • The kid enters the bus and sat directly behind the driver. The little kid starts yelling, “I will be a little bull if my father were a bull and my mother was a cow.” The bus driver begins to become angry at the noisy child, who continued with, “If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant” The kid went on with several animals until the bus driver got angry and yelled at the kid “What if your dad was a dumbass and your mom a prostitute?!” The kid smiled and said, “I would be a bus driver!”
  • Andrew arrives late for an interview for a bus driver job… Andrew: Sorry, I’m late. Interviewer: you’re hired.
  • Each day, an old grandma brings a bag of peanuts to a bus driver….After a week of eating the peanuts, the bus driver stopped enjoying the peanuts, he asked: “Granny, please do not bring me peanuts anymore. Have them yourself.” The granny answers: “You know, I don’t have teeth anymore. I prefer to just suck the chocolate around them.”
  • Priest and bus driver died. They were taken up into heaven. There they were greeted by Jesus, who told them that heaven was full and that only one could enter. So they had to wait for a heavenly decision. After some time, Jesus came back and said “Alright, we can take the bus driver”. The priest protested saying that he has lived a good life in faith, why should he not get to heaven? Jesus answered, “While you were giving speeches about the word of God, everyone slept, but whenever this bus driver drives, everyone prays.”
  • One time there was a kind old bus driver who always tried to help the people in his neighborhood. Few days before he retired, the bus driver saw a suicidal man who had jumped out into oncoming traffic. Since he was such a nice guy he rushed over to help, then ran over the guy again after backing up.
  • One fine day, a bus driver drove his bus out of the bus garage and stopped along the route: For the first few stops, there were no problems. A few people got on, a few got off and things went generally well. At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight, clumsy and strong, with his arms dangling around his midsection. He glared at the driver and said. “Big John doesn’t pay!” And sat down at the back. Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn’t argue with Big John, but he wasn’t happy about it. The next day the same thing happened… Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day and the one after that, and so forth. This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him. Finally, he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff. By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what’s more, he felt really good about himself. So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said. “Big John doesn’t pay!” The driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and screamed. “And why not?” With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied. “Big John has a bus pass!”

Best Riddles about Bus and Bus Drivers

What do you think about sharing funny Riddles with the bus driver and co-passengers while on the road? Sounds interesting, right?

Riddles are perfect for all ages, they never go old!

Here are the funny bus and bus driver riddles you can share! 

  • Cross-eyed monster: When I grow up, I would like to become a bus driver. Witch: Well, then, there’s no way I’ll stop you.
Bus Driver Jokes - Cross-eyed monster: When I grow up I want to be a bus driver.
  • Is there a difference between a cold and a bus driver? A bus driver knows his stops, and a cold stops the nose.
  • How can you kill a fool with only half a dollar? Throw it under the bus.
  • What do you call a person with a double-decker bus on his head? The deceased!
Bus Driver Jokes - What do you call a man with a double decker bus on his head?
  • Did you hear that all the buses and trains will stop running today? No. Is there a strike? No, they’re stopping to let the passengers off.
  • Do buses and trains run on time? Usually, yes. No, they don’t. Buses run on wheels, while trains move along tracks.
  • Is the bus going to stop by the river? If it doesn’t there’ll be a very big splash.
  • The driver of a bus was driving down a street. He went right past a stop sign without stopping. Next, he turned left where there was a “no-left turn” sign. Eventually, he went the wrong way down a one-way street. He didn’t break any traffic laws. How? He was walking.
  • What does Karl Marx, a bus driver and a sous chef at a 5-star restaurant have in common? Everything, if Marx were to have his way.
Bus Driver Jokes - What does Karl Marx, a bus driver and a sous chef at a 5-star restaurant have in common?
  • Describe the bus driver who enables old people to board the bus and parents to take their children off. A stand-up driver.

Best Bus Riddles for Kids

Kids get easily bored, but what if you try something that challenges them while on the road?

Why not Riddles, a fun type of brain teaser that exists as a question or statement to be solved like a puzzle.

Have fun and share these bus riddles that are perfect for kids! 

  • What caused the bus to stop? Because it saw the zebra crossing.
Bus Driver Jokes - Why did the bus stop?
  • The bat missed the bus for what reason? Because he hung around for too long.
  • Was there a “bus” that crossed the ocean? Colum-bus.
  • The bus conductor said what to the frog? Hop on.
  • How do eels navigate the seabed? They go by octo-bus.
Bus Driver Jokes - How do eels get around the seabed?
  • What do monsters play when they’re on the bus? Squash.
  • What sort of public transportation do superheroes take? Bus Lightyear.
Bus Driver Jokes - What sort of public transport do superheroes use?
  • Why was the skeleton unable to pay his bus fare? Because he was skint.
  • When bus drivers eat pancakes in the morning, what is on them? Traffic jam
Bus Driver Jokes - What do bus drivers put on their morning pancakes?

School Bus Jokes for Kids

Anyone can learn and drive a car but it takes someone special to drive a school bus.

They are the first smiling adults every student encounters each morning and the last before they get home.

So bus drivers, why don’t you try sharing these funny jokes and riddles with your passengers to add an extra smile to their faces.

  • How come no one took the school bus to school? It wouldn’t fit through the door!
Bus Driver Jokes - Why didn't anyone take the school bus to school?
  • Jane: What’s the difference between a school bus and a cake? Jill: I don’t know. Jane: I’m glad I didn’t ask you to pick up my birthday cake!
  • Yellow and unable to swim, what is it? A school bus full of kids.
  • Can you explain to me the difference between a school bus and my Dad’s van? School buses usually don’t have screaming and crying children!
  • What made little Timmy drop his cone? He got hit by a school bus.
  • Kids run after your mama when she wears yellow, thinking they missed the school bus!
  • Teacher: Tom Russell, again you’re late.. Tom: Sorry, sir. It’s my bus – it’s always coming late. Teacher: Well, In case the bus is again late tomorrow, take the earlier one.
  • The bat missed the bus for what reason? He hung around for too long.
Bus Driver Jokes - Why did the bat miss the bus?
  • What would happen if you crossed King Kong with a skunk? I don’t know, but it could always find a seat on a bus!
Bus Driver Jokes - What would you get if you crossed King Kong with a skunk?

We hope that these bus driver jokes made you laugh and brighten your day. Never forget to share it with your family and friends. 

Since you reached almost the end of this article, am I right to assume you are looking for more laughable jokes? Of course, you do!

Here are my suggestions for your next read. I’m pretty sure you’ll love this!!!

  • Getting ready for your next airplane ride? Be ready to share these hilarious Airplane Jokes with your seat neighbor.
  • Did you already complete your checklist for the next travel adventure? Don’t forget to save these Top Travel Jokes to keep you entertained and laugh literally!

Go ahead to Pinterest to learn more about Bus Driver Humor Ideas.

Now, have a funny conversation with your bus driver together with your family and friends. Don’t forget to share your experience in the comments section below.

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