Laugh at These Best Spider Jokes Around the World Wide Web

Are you having trouble with a spider in your house? You can benefit from spider jokes in two ways. First, they can make you laugh, because spiders can be scary. The second way is that they can help you understand spiders better and learn to live with them. 

To make things a little easier, we have here the best spider jokes from around the web.

Hilarious Spider Jokes and Puns

  • When a spider gets married, what do you call it?
    • A newlyweb!
  • Is there a reason why the spider became a detective?
    • Because it had an excellent “web” of connections!
  • As they walked in the park, what did one spider say to the other?
    • “I’m having a web-slinging time!”
  • What are the best ways to make a spider famous on the internet?
    • Teach it to spin viral webs!
  • Is there a reason why the spider checked its email?
    • It wanted to see if it got any new “flyers”!
  • What is the purpose of spiders spinning webs?
    • Because they can’t knit!
  • What prevents spiders from becoming pilots?
    • They only know how to tailspin.
  • Can you tell me what a spider does inside your ear?
    • Make your head spin!
  • When it grows up, what does the baby spider want to be?
    • A web designer.
  • What explains spiders’ rapid adaptation to online learning?
    • They’re very comfortable on the web.
  • Have you heard about the spider who always lied?
    • He loved spinning a yarn!
  • When two spiders get married, what do you call them?
    • Newlywebs!
  • How do you describe an undercover spider?
    • A spy, duh!
  • What is a spider’s favorite pastime?
    • Fly fishing!
  • When you cross a tarantula and a tiger, what do you get?
    • I don’t know, but I don’t want to stick around to find out!
  • What is a spider’s favorite television show?
    • The newly web game!
  • When Spider-Man joins the Marvel Universe, what do you call it?
    • A Spin-Off.
  • If a spider can dance, what do you call it?
    • A jitterbug.
  • The spider got on the computer for what reason?
    • To check his website.
  • What made the fly fly?
    • Because the spider spied ‘er.
  • What is the best way for spiders to swim?
    • With their webbed feet. 
  • When spiders visit France, what do they like to eat?
    • French Flies. 
  • The spider kissed his secret crush, but how did he do it?
    • By playing spin the bottle. 
  • Why do spiders like computers so much?
    • Their webcams.
  • When spiders get involved in a love triangle, what happens?
    • They end up spinning a tangled web. 
  • When spiders catch too many flies, what do they do with them?
    • They make a side living selling them on the web.
  • How do you describe a hundred spiders on a tire?
    • A spinning wheel.
  • Is there anything red and dangerous?
    • Strawberry and tarantula jelly.
  • When a spider gets angry, what does he do?
    • He goes up the wall.
  • If you cross a spider with an elephant, what do you get?
    • I’m not sure, but if you see one walking across the ceiling then run before it collapses!
  • What makes Spiderman so good at comebacks?
    • Because with great power comes great responsibility.
  • Area 51 is hated by spiders for what reason?
    • It’s a no-fly zone.
  • When a spider gets a pimple, what do you call it?
    • Arachne.

Funny Spider One Liners and Stories

  • Just now, a spider crawled onto my keyboard. 
    • Don’t worry, it’s under ctrl.
  • There is a shark, a crocodile, and a giant spider in a bar.
    • Another normal day in Australia!
  • After stepping on a spider this morning, I felt so guilty.
    • You should have seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.
  • I’m not a big fan of spider plants. 
    • One of the most difficult shots in snooker.
  • If I die, I want to return as a spider.
    • That way I’ll finally hear girls say “omg it’s huge”.
  • Instead of killing the spider, my girlfriend suggested I take it out.
    • We went and had some drinks. Cool guy, wants to be a web developer.
  • Earlier this week, I received a new pair of spider silk trousers. 
    • They look great, but the flies keep getting stuck.
  • During a conversation with a friend, I asked what spiders eat. 
    • He didn’t know, told me to go and check on the web.
  • I was going to purchase an exotic spider from a pet store…
    • but then I realized I could get one cheaper on the web.
  • My wife is so terrified of spiders that she will leave our house if she sees one.
    • There is one in our kitchen corner, and I’ve been living alone for the past three days now. 
  • As I asked my son for a phone book, he told me I was so old and that I should just use his cell phone instead. 
    • He wasn’t laughing when I used his phone to kill a spider on the floor!
  • I asked my husband for the newspaper.
    • He said, “Don’t be silly. Use my iPad.”
    • That spider never knew what hit it.
  • I once met a spider from Baghdad.
    • He was an Iraqnid.
  • You know that moment when you become a ninja because you thought a piece of hair fell on your arm and you thought it was a spider. 
  • Have you ever killed a spider and wondered if his/her family would come for revenge? 
  • I just tried to kill a spider with a hairspray. 
    • He’s still alive, but his hair looks outstanding!
  • Those who said, “Out of sight, out of mind”, never had a spider disappear from their bedroom. 

The Spider Webs Quiz

Author’s Note

Thanks for taking the time to read through these Spider jokes. I hope they bring you some light-hearted fun. As an added bonus, these Alien Jokes, Clown Jokes, and Vampire Jokes make you laugh.

You can tell them anywhere in the world, and they will still be funny. Take control of your friends’ minds with these fun jokes!

Most of us have arachnid phobias or even a mild dislike for spiders. You’ve seen them scurrying around your house. They scare the life out of you. But the truth is that these eight-legged creepy crawlies are harmless and are more scared of us than we are of them! In addition to providing us with valuable resources, they are an essential part of the ecosystem.

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About the author

Megha Sharma

Megha is the heart of - When waking up in the morning, her first thought always is how to create a smile on someone's face before breakfast. Her passion are jokes for the youngest and about animals.

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