79 Dirty Jokes for 2021

by Eric Russell  |  24 Feb 2021

Not all jokes need to be family friendly and G-rated. Some of those are dirty jokes that are (never appropriate but) always funny. No matter the setting, be bold enough to deliver a punchline these 79 laugh-out-loud adult dirty jokes.

Why does Santa always land on the roof Because he likes it on top.

1. Why does Santa always land on the roof?

Because he likes it on top.

Why does Santa go through the chimney Because Mrs. Claus told him hed never get in the back door

2. Why does Santa go through the chimney?

Because Mrs. Claus told him he’d never get in the back door.

What do snowmen use to make snowbabies Snowballs.

3. What do snowmen use to make snowbabies?

Snowballs.

Why do elves laugh when they run Because the snow tickle their balls.

4. Why do elves laugh when they run?

Because the snow tickle their balls.

Where is Peter Pans favorite place to eat out Wendys

5. Where is Peter Pan’s favorite place to eat out?

Wendy’s

Why did Snow White get kicked out of Disneyland She sat on Pinocchios face and said Lei to me Lie to me

6. Why did Snow White get kicked out of Disneyland?

She sat on Pinocchio’s face and said, “Lei to me! Lie to me!”

Minnie told Mickey she wanted a divorce. He responded Are you fucking serious Minnie responded No. Im fucking goofy

7. Minnie told Mickey she wanted a divorce. He responded, “Are you fucking serious?!” Minnie responded:

“No. I’m fucking goofy!”

What do Disney World and Viagra have in common They both make you stand around for an hour and wait for a twominute ride

8. What do Disney World and Viagra have in common?

They both make you stand around for an hour and wait for a two-minute ride.

How do you circumcise a hillbilly Kick his sister in the jaw.

9. How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

Kick his sister in the jaw.

How is a pushup bra like a bag of chips As soon as you open it you realize its half empty.

10. How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?

As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.

Whats the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist You can negotiate with a terrorist

11. What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist?

You can negotiate with a terrorist.

What did the sanitary napkin say to the fart You are the wind beneath my wings

12. What did the sanitary napkin say to the fart?

You are the wind beneath my wings.

What did the O say to the Q Dude your dick’s hanging out.

13. What did the O say to the Q?

Dude, your dick’s hanging out.

What do you call a herd of cows masturbating Beef strokin off.

14. What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?

Beef strokin’ off.

What do boobs and toys have in common They were both originally made for kids but daddies end up playing with them

15. What do boobs and toys have in common?

They were both originally made for kids, but daddies end up playing with them.

What do you call a virgin lying on a waterbed A cherry float

16. What do you call a virgin lying on a waterbed?

A cherry float.

What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public A private tutor

17. What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public?

A private tutor.

What do you call a guy with a small dick Justin

18. What do you call a guy with a small dick?

Just-in!

What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball She gagged.

19. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?

She gagged.

Whats green and smells like pork Kermits Finger

20. What’s green and smells like pork?

Kermit’s Finger!

What goes in hard and dry but comes out soft and wet Gum

21. What goes in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet?

Gum

What are the three shortest words in the English language Is it in

22. What are the three shortest words in the English language?

Is it in?

What do a Rubiks Cube and a penis have in common The more you play with it the harder it gets

23. What do a Rubik’s Cube and a penis have in common?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

24. Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?

Ken came in another box.

6 year old kid looking at Moms ID card.

25. 6 year old kid looking at Mom’s ID card…

Sex: F
He laughs…
Mom: Whats so funny?
Kid: I can’t believe you’re so bad in sex that you failed in it.
Husband died laughing!!!

Why was the guitar teacher arrested For fingering a minor

26. Why was the guitar teacher arrested?

For fingering a minor.

Whats the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms Ones a Goodyear The others a great year

27. What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack He only comes once a year

28. Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?

He only comes once a year.

Whats the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer A hooker can wash her crack and resell it

29. What’s the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.

What do the Mafia and pussies have in common One slip of the tongue and youre in deep shit

30. What do the Mafia and pussies have in common?

One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.

What did the banana say to the vibrator Why are you shaking Shes gonna eat me

31. What did the banana say to the vibrator?

Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!

Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle Because his wife died

32. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?

Because his wife died.

Whats the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb You can unscrew a lightbulb

33. What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?

You can unscrew a lightbulb.

Whats the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit A zit will wait until youre twelve before it comes on your face

34. What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?

A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.

What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob If we dont get some support people will think were nuts

35. What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.

How is a girlfriend like a laxative They both irritate the shit out of you

36. How is a girlfriend like a laxative?

They both irritate the shit out of you.

Why do vegetarians give good head Beause theyre used to eating nuts 1

37. Why do vegetarians give good head?

Because they’re used to eating nuts.

Whats long and hard and full of semen A submarine

38. What’s long and hard and full of semen?

A submarine.

Whats the difference between your wife and your job After five years your job will still suck

39. What’s the difference between your wife and your job?

After five years, your job will still suck.

What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common A wet nose

40. What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?

A wet nose.

How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex Call and tell her about it

41. How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?

Call and tell her about it.

When is it okay to beat up a dwarf When hes standing next to your girlfriend and telling her that her hair smells nice 1

42. When is it okay to beat up a dwarf?

When he’s standing next to your girlfriend and telling her that her hair smells nice.

What do you call a cheap circumcision A rip off

43. What do you call a cheap circumcision?

A rip-off!

How is life like toilet paper Youre either on a roll or taking shit from someone

44. How is life like toilet paper?

You’re either on a roll or taking shit from someone.

How does a woman scare a gynecologist By becoming a ventriloquist

45. How does a woman scare a gynecologist?

By becoming a ventriloquist.

Whats the difference between your penis and a bonus check Someones always willing to blow your bonus.

46. What’s the difference between your penis and a bonus check?

Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.

Why is diarrhea hereditary It runs in your genes

47. Why is diarrhea hereditary?

It runs in your genes!

Whats the difference between your boyfriend and a condom Condoms have evolved Theyre not so thick and insensitive anymore

48. What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom?

Condoms have evolved: They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.

Whats the difference between a Gspot and a golf ball A guy will actually search for a golf ball

49. What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?

A guy will actually search for a golf ball!

Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg Because they wont stop to ask directions

50. Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg?

Because they won’t stop to ask directions.

What did one butt cheek say to the other Together we can stop this crap

51. What did one butt cheek say to the other?

Together, we can stop this crap.

How do you embarrass an archaeologist Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from

52. How do you embarrass an archaeologist?

Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from!

An old married couple are in church one Sunday…

53. An old married couple are in church one Sunday…

When the woman turns to her husband and says, “I’ve just let out a really long, silent fart. What should I do?”

The husband turned to her and says, “Replace the battery in your hearing aid.”

If youre American in the living room what are you in the bathroom European

54. If you’re American in the living room what are you in the bathroom?

European.

Why did the cop sit on the toilet To do his duty

55. Why did the cop sit on the toilet?

To do his duty.

A wife sent her husband a romantic text message…

56. A wife sent her husband a romantic text message…

She wrote: “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you.”

Her husband texted back: “I’m on the toilet, please advise.”

What happened to the fly on the toilet seat It got peedoff

57. What happened to the fly on the toilet seat?

It got peed-off.

I farted at work the other day…

58. I farted at work the other day…

and my coworker started trying to open the window.

It must have been a really bad one — we work on a submarine.

I was at a sophisticated dinner party the other day…

59. I was at a sophisticated dinner party the other day…

When I farted loudly. One of the guests was appalled and said indignantly, “How dare you fart in front of my wife!”

I said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize it was her turn next.”

Whats brown and sticky A stick

60. What’s brown and sticky?

A stick.

Two fish swim into a wall One turns to the other and says Dam

61. Two fish swim into a wall…

One turns to the other and says, “Dam!”

Whats the difference between a Greyhound terminal and a lobster with boobs One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean

62. What’s the difference between a Greyhound terminal and a lobster with boobs?

One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.

What do you call an expert fisherman A master baiter.

63. What do you call an expert fisherman?

A master baiter.

What did the sex toy store employee say to the customers before closing for the night Its time for you to beat it

64. What did the sex toy store employee say to the customers before closing for the night?

It’s time for you to beat it!

What did the sperm bank receptionist say to the clients before they left Thanks for coming

65. What did the sperm bank receptionist say to the clients before they left?

Thanks for coming!

What do you do when you come across an elephant in the jungle Wipe it off and say you’re sorry

66. What do you do when you come across an elephant in the jungle?

Wipe it off and say you’re sorry.

What did hurricane say to the coconut palm tree Hold on to your nuts this is no ordinary blow job

67. What did hurricane say to the coconut palm tree?

Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping your breath and calling your name You didnt hold down the pillow for long enough

68. What does it mean when a man is in your bed, gasping your breath and calling your name?

You didn’t hold down the pillow for long enough.

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good Put a nipple on it

69. How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?

Put a nipple on it.

Its been so long since Ive have sex I think my virginity is growing back

70. It’s been so long since I’ve have sex…

I think my virginity is growing back!

Why are men like cars Because they pull out before they check to see if someone else is cumming

71. Why are men like cars?

Because they pull out before they check to see if someone else is cumming!

A guy goes to the store to buy condoms...

72. A guy goes to the store to buy condoms…

“Do you want a bag?”, the cashier asks
“No,” the guy says, “she’s not that ugly.”

Ever had sex while camping Its fucking intents

73. Ever had sex while camping?

It’s fucking intents!

What is 6 inches long 2 inches wide and drives a woman wild A 100 bill

74. What is 6 inches long, 2 inches wide, and drives a woman wild?

A $100 bill!

Funny guys are dangerous theyll make you laugh and laugh and laugh then boom You are naked

75. Funny guys are dangerous, they’ll make you laugh, and laugh and laugh then boom…

You are naked!

What is difference between erotic and kinky Erotic is using a feather... Kinky is using the whole chicken.

76. What is difference between erotic and kinky?

Erotic is using a feather… Kinky is using the whole chicken.

Its a joke not a dick Dont take it so hard

77. It’s a joke, not a dick.

Don’t take it so hard.

Rearrange these letters to form words.

78. Rearrange these letters to form words. 1. PNEIS 2. BUTTSXE

Did you get “SPINE” and “SUBTEXT”?
Yeah… Neither did I.

When someone tells me I looked familiar I tell them I do porn.

79. When someone tells me I looked familiar, I tell them…

“I do porn.”

What are your thoughts about these Jokes? Do you have any dirty jokes that we can still add on? We love to add it so go ahead and fire away, there are no wrong jokes! 

About the author 

Eric Russell

Eric finished his degree in primary education. He is into geeky male joke topics.His favourites are Star Wars and Chuck Norris.


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